Dear shin,
A lot depends upon other criterion you don't mention. WHERE in these states you live makes a huge difference. I've lived in all three states, but am most familiar with NY. Here's a brief run-down.
Rural NY - Few Mass options, SSPX, widely scattered indults, a few "independents," most of which are on the lunatic-fringe, IMHO; Least expensive, housing for large family available, moral/cultural atmosphere, think "Appalachia North." Very economically depressed, few jobs with living wage; medical resources poor, at very long distance; Be prepared to do a lot of driving. Climate in winter harsh, the farther north, the more difficult. If much above Albany, expect to be kept at home at least a few days in January-March. Great if you're the rugged, live-off-the-land type.
Rural PA- Similar to NY, SSPX, CMRI, in some areas many indults, also Eastern rites; better economy than NY, not great, however; moral/cultural atmosphere best of three; housing for large family readily available, but more expensive; climate can be harsh, but winters shorter than northern NY; good medical care.
Rural/Suburban NJ- Mass fairly accessible at moderate drive, SSPX, CMRI, Frat. St.Peter, indult, established Resistance Mass in Sparta; Most expensive, jobs available; housing available; moral/cultural atmosphere fairly good. Gov. Christie against gαy marriage, but lots of opposition to his stance, likely to change when his term ends; very good medical care at moderate drive.
Urban PA- Mass readily available at short distance, SSPX, St.Peter, indult, eastern rite, established Resistance Mass near Philadelphia airport, moderately expensive; jobs available; housing expensive but available, moral/cultural atmosphere "okay,"
excellent medical facilities close by; The exception is the Scranton area. Lots of Mass options, but is very economically depressed.
Urban NJ- Mass readily available, SSPX, St. Peter, indult, eastern rite, "independent" on Jersey Shore, drive to Resistance Mass in Philadelphia and Sparta; expensive c.o.l., jobs available, housing a bit tight, not impossible; moral atmosphere not-the-best; excellent medical facilities. Be ready to spend lots of time driving or waiting in traffic jams, tolls=robbery.
Urban(Albany)/Suburban NY- Mass SSPX, St. Peter, CMRI, independent, St. Pius V, indult; high c.o.l., good economy, jobs available; moral/cultural atmosphere varies, mostly bad, housing expensive but available; good to excellent medical care. Long Island is generally more expensive and has more traffic than Albany.
NYC- Lots of churches, but most novus ordo, most indults of all areas, most eastern rites, tiny SSPX in Manhattan in rented room, no parking nearby, accessible via bus/subway; extremely expensive c.o.l., many jobs; Moral atmosphere is abysmal. Degeneracy is "in-your-face," unavoidable, very fast pace-of-life; Culturally speaking, NY is THE place for the arts, You'll be living and interacting with people from all over the globe, if that appeals to you.; Housing for large family nonexistent except for extremely rich (or extremely poor-ie, on welfare in public housing); some of the best medical facilities in the world for those who can afford them. Auto-ownership extremely expensive and inconvenient, unless you're wealthy. Traffic-jams are notorious, # bridge & tunnel tolls.
If you are a large trad. family of upper-middle or upper class, I'd recommend suburban or rural NJ. Keep in mind, however, that if God wants you in a certain place, He'll put you there so long as you cooperate with the Holy Ghost. PRAY! All the pro's and con's in the world are irrelevant to Our Lord. I hope this has been of some use to you!
God's blessings for your future. May you do His Will!
Frances