My best friend (of 10 years) got married to a divorced woman (he got married 1 year ago but I just found out about it). Although he is a Protestant (and so is she) he has wanted to become Catholic for several years (attending Mass all these years). He had been taking lessons with a priest to become Catholic this past year and was 5 lessons away from becoming Catholic until he had to put it on hold to move to another state because of his job. My friend knew all along that the Church teaches that God does not condone divorce and that to marry again after a divorce or marry a divorced person would be adultery. However, because of his attraction to this woman (he actually met her when she had been separated from her husband and was in the process of divorce), he ignored all that, pursued a relationship with her, got her pregnant and had a baby by her, and then married her and is living with her. I think that because of his love for her, because of the child they have together, and because he has grown to love her 4 year old girl, he will find it hard to leave her.

My question is this: Should I stop being his friend and talking to him permanently even though I care about him deeply (have talked to him every day for the past 10 years). I am hurt by his deceit to me (by not telling me that he got involved with a divorced woman) and disgusted that he has put a woman over the laws of God but he is still dear to my heart and it would be painful to cut him completely from my life.

I used to think that we were required as good Catholics to "cut people off" who were living outside of God's laws and in conflict with the teachings of the Church.

However, considering that every single person we know, Catholic or not is doing just that.....and the fact that "cutting them off" is what they expect us bigoted zealots to do (thereby justifying their rebellion against "the Church"), I've had to reconsider the right way to behave.

My advice to you would be to keep the connection with the friend even though it will likely have to be a lighter connection than before.  You may just want to call him occasionally to check in and say "Hi.."  As far as socializing with him and his "wife" that may be going a little further than you'd want to go.  Although, just being polite to the wife is about all anyone can expect of you.

We've had a real life situation with my H's uncle who left his second wife and began an affair with a much younger married woman from his workplace.  We ended up going to his house because his daughter was going into the army and they were having a going away party.  

The mistress and uncle's first wife (the mother of the army soldier daughter) were both there.  It was unbelievably uncomfortable. We were polite.  Stayed for 2 hours and then made our excuses and got out of there.  But there was no issue that our presence could be construed as implying acceptance of this immoral situation.  

Always be kind and polite.  If you haven't already stated the the teachings of the Church in such matters, then you must do so calmly and with compassion.  After that, I think you have to let it go and just be there when everything comes crashing down.  

The likelihood that this relationship will end in distaster, considering how it was founded, is a very real possibility.  You need to be there to console and take the opportunity at that time of greater vulnerability of your friend to remind him of God's love and God's law.

God Bless,
MrsZ

Talked to my friend. Apparently, he wants out of the "marriage" but can't afford to move out of the apartment they share because he has incurred a $48,000 debt (since she isn't working, he pays for the rent).

He's stuck living with her until he can at least lower his debt by half - which means it could take 2 years of his living with her. But the longer he lives with her, the more he is putting himself in temptation. And, as time goes on,  the more it will be difficult to move out  because the devil will make sure that there will be situations that arise that will complicate matters and make it harder to leave.

Question: Does anyone here have any advice as to how a man can leave his situation of sin if he can't even afford to move out and pay for a separate apartment for himself.