Math Teacher Arrested
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule, and a
calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He
did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They
derive solutions by means and extremes,
and sometimes go off on tangents in search of
absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and
refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they
belong to a common denominator
of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to
every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said,
"If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He
would have given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the President.
It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.