I know a woman who has asked me to keep virtually everything about her a secret.  So far it is never about important matters, and seems very arbitrary.  She asks me not to reveal something about her past, for instance, even though there's no real reason, it's not like some scandalous incident.  She also asked me not to tell anyone her age, and that is what I accidentally revealed tonight.  

This really scares me, because I'm thinking about priests in the confessional and how serious it is to reveal a secret.  Even if it's an accident, that's no excuse.  I am terrified that I have no control of my tongue.

What happened was that I was arguing with another friend, namely Alex from this site, about whether a man and woman could share a house together without the risk of temptation.  Alex was against the idea of my living with this other woman I know, the one who didn't want me to tell her age.  So I retorted something like "Give me a break, like I am going to be tempted by a xx-year old woman."  That was it -- I revealed her age.  It just slipped out so naturally in the context of this conversation.

But here is my question -- if someone tells you something like their age, and says "Don't tell anyone!" and you agree, is that a promise?  Is it really a secret that's involved?  She asked me not to tell, and I said "Okay" to be polite.  Meaning that I would try my best not to tell.  But it didn't have the feel of a really binding, deep, intense secret.  

I do know a major secret about someone that I find it much easier to keep.  It's always at the back of my mind when I talk about this person, and I'm very careful not to reveal it.  I think it would be the same with sins in the confessional.  If something is really serious, it doesn't come up in casual conversation as much.  You don't just blurt out "Bob has another wife and family in Nebraska" by accident, because by revealing this you know you're going to create a shock.  That is what stops you from doing it.  But how do you keep more mild secrets, things that just come up in the course of a conversation?  

I think next time someone asks me not to tell something about themselves, I'm just going to say "Sorry, I can't promise that."  Then I'll tell them that they shouldn't tell me things they don't want me to reveal.  If I ever become a priest, I definitely need to get better control of my tongue.  But I'm not at that point yet and the most honest thing that I can do, I think, is simply warn people that I am not good at keeping secrets, so that they shouldn't tell me any.

Having a late night, PartyisOver?  Or I guess it's early morning over there.
I'm keeping Cardinal Newman hours here...

PartyIsOver221 said:

But in that case, unless it was someone very close to me, I would say do not tell me anything because I don't want to get involved or have your info looming over my head.

The problem is they usually spring it on you first, and then say "Don't tell!"  It seems like common courtesy to say that you won't.  But Catholic morality is not common courtesy.  So I am no longer going to promise anyone casually that I will keep any secrets for them.  I'll say "Well, I'll try..."  

I think my sin here is not just revealing a secret, but making too many promises too easily.

I make casual "promises" all the time that I don't keep -- that's another issue.  I say I'll write someone back soon and then it's three weeks before I do.  I told my friend Brian I'd get him the Summa Theologica about a year and a half ago, and he is still Summa-less.  I realize these aren't vows.  

It's a bad habit I should break, but it doesn't cause me many sleepless nights.  But revealing something this woman asked me not to reveal, no matter how silly, bothers me.  Maybe it's not a big deal in itself; but it makes me worry that my mouth is out of control.  My goal is to become a priest, after all.  What if I revealed something I heard in the confessional this way, even if it wasn't a major sin?  I'm beginning to see just how much self-control is required for the priesthood and how I have to change my old fast-talking, excitable personality.

That is why for now, the compromise solution for me would be to simply not agree to keep any "secrets" that anyone tells me.  If someone tells me their age and says "Don't tell anyone," I'll say "I'LL TRY" and leave it at that.  
 

I think my sin here is not just revealing a secret, but making too many promises too easily.

FWIW, being stupid or hasty or imprudent is not a sin.

Be done with this nonsense about your sins in this matter -- and handle these situations more wisely in the future.