Author Topic: Kind words (Read 735 times)

Matthew · « **on:** November 28, 2007, 01:52:29 PM »

Kind words can do wonderful things!

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in VietNam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to pass the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary"

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists"

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never again see him.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

JoanScholastica · « **Reply #1 on:** December 05, 2007, 04:39:50 PM »

Magdalene · « **Reply #2 on:** December 05, 2007, 05:11:30 PM »

Wouldn't it be a sin of pride to hold on to a paper that had comments from others about how good they thought you were? I thought that the virtue of humility is to see ourselves as nothing in the eyes of men and to not seek self esteem based on how other's see us. What about the things mentioned in the Litany of Humility that we should pray for. The behavior of those in the story and the virtues we should pray for in the Litany seem to contradict each other.

Litany of Humility

Composed by Cardinal Marry Del Val,
the saintly Secretary of State to Pope St. Pius X

O Jesus! Meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
DELIVER ME DEAR JESUS.

From the desire of being loved . . .
From the desire of being extolled . . .
From the desire of being honored . . .
From the desire of being praised . . .
From the desire of being preferred . . .
From the desire of being consulted . . .
From the desire of being approved . . .
From the fear of being humiliated . . .
From the fear of being despised . . .
From the fear of suffering rebukes . . .
From the fear of being calumniated . . .
From the fear of being forgotten . . .
From the fear of being ridiculed . . .
From the fear of being wronged . . .
From the fear of being suspected . . .

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I,
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

That in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside,
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything,
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

That others become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,
Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

JoanScholastica · « **Reply #3 on:** December 07, 2007, 03:46:44 PM »

Magdalene · « **Reply #4 on:** December 07, 2007, 05:52:03 PM »

MichaelSolimanto · « **Reply #5 on:** December 08, 2007, 01:35:36 AM »

Magdalene,

I agree with you objectively in a good world of good Catholics. I still feel that kids in class doing this might be a good opportunity to let people know that the cliques in public school mean nothing, that the bad feelings, sadness, and melancholy in today's public schools can be overcome with positive re-enforcement. In a broken world sometimes going outside the norm of spiritual perfection (like going out of one's way to compliment someone who is feeling down or depressed) of debasing yourself is needed because we have emotions and lift them up.

Think of the saints who worked with youth and many times put them on a pedestal when they were feeling down, but only to bring them up to a higher spiritual reality. It's the reason why parents like thank yous from their children, and like to hear they are loved, and why children like to hear they are needed. We are fallen humans and unless we are actively seeking sanctity such actions are needed. Even St. Paul alludes to this when he speaks to married couples who says that married couples have to seek to please their spouse and not God alone. Only those striving to be saints can really pray and mean that prayer in a good heart. Think of ourselves when we were children and younger: positive encouragement was better for our formation than being screamed at (although both can be useful)

Now if these were home-schooled or well trained parochial schools and did such an exercise I would have serious issues. When dealing with flesh and blood youth sometimes it's necessary to deal with the person and their fallen nature which is a necessity in today's fallen world and use that as a stepping stone to higher spiritual goods.

Let me put it another way...

Let's say you committed a mistake or sin. You know you shouldn't have done so and you know you transgressed the laws of God. You talk to the person whom you have transgressed and apologize, and instead of getting a sympathetic response they tell you what a worthless human being you are. Now we have experienced this on both sides of dealing with people, as both the transgressor and transgressee. Which way have you felt best to carry on and do better? Unless we are saints we want to hear they forgave us and hear some consolation.

Even in a confessional a compassionate priest can sometimes be a better help in times of uncertainty and fear about your sins than a tough priest. Both can be helpful, but even Our Lord was compassionate in the face of sin, and yet tough when it was due to sloth. It's really about our spiritual demeanor and what's best for us in our current state.

As long as the soul is brought to a higher reality I see nothing wrong with it for the greater good.

Magdalene · « **Reply #6 on:** December 08, 2007, 07:55:36 PM »

Yes, I know that we can't expect people who aren't on a higher spiritual level to act according to the proper Christian virtues. It is understandable that in order to reach the more worldly or even less spritually perfect you have to go outside the norms inorder to reach them. I am not arguing with that. I just wanted to point out that the teachers action and the students' reactions did not conform to the virtue of humility. Jesus said that we shall be held accountable for every idle word. So these students who were concerned with what other's thought of them and built their self-esteem on that will still have to pay for this lack of humility in Purgatory.

I read recently about a saintly nun who suffered through a very painful illness before she died. When she died, she appeared to her fellow nuns at the convent and asked for Masses to be said for her release from Purgatory. The nuns were surprised that she hadn't gone straight to Heaven because she was so saintly. She revealed to them that the reason she was in Purgatory was because, during her painful illness, the thought had crossed her mind that she would rather die now then go through more suffering. Although she died offering her suffering and death to God, yet she still had to pay for the temptation of wanting an early death to escape her suffering. While it is understandable that a human would want to escape suffering, the fact is that not conforming ourselves perfectly to the will of God and to the Christian virtues, will merit time in Purgatory. And so the same goes with those in this story.

Dulcamara · « **Reply #7 on:** December 11, 2007, 11:49:28 AM »

Is charity a sin because kind words might make another proud, and therefore lead them into sin?

At some point one has to stop thinking like a lawyer, and use the common sense God gave them. Yes, there probably were students in that class who thought proudly of themselves. But think of the ѕυιcιdє rates of young people today. Most of them do what they do because they sincerely think nobody cares about them, that nobody would miss them, that there is NOTHING good about themselves. Today more than ever, especially those who don't even believe in God, need to know that they are not worthless and not "better off dead." If they kill themselves, how will they convert to the truth?

I wish this story was given to every public school teacher in the US, if not in the whole world. It might save the lives of some of these poor souls who right now don't know there really is a God Who loves them. Most souls cannot live a life totally and completely devoid of praise and reward. Most souls would simply despair, and fall into hatred of self and others, if not of God. Most of us, fortunately, have not been asked to prove our faith to that extent. But as for those in the world who have no faith (however error-riddled) in God to begin with, see themselves in that position, and find it hard just to not kill themselves, let alone go on living in a world black with despair and evil and pain.

There's no sin in recognizing one's own good qualities in honesty. We don't honor God by ignoring the good He has given us. We only dishonor Him when we begin to pretend we are better than we are, and to take credit for what He gave us, without Whom we would not even have our existence. (I believe St. Therese was the one from whom I first heard this.)

One saint (was it her, too?) also was quoted as saying, "God spare us from gloomy saints!" There was an error in which it was thought that even licit pleasures were immoral. We have to remember that in truth there is a BALANCE... and that we must not let ourselves go to one extreme or the other.

However lofty our intentions, life is riddled with praise and rewards by which most of us week-willed human beings find the strength to continue. Our very will can only be moved, in fact, by some perceived good (whether real or not), and our desire to acquire it. (I think this was in a book on the teachings of St. Thomas I once read.) We must just wonder how fewer souls would have had the guts to die for God, if not for the hope of gaining Him.

I'm sure there are great saints who lived lives almost devoid of reward and praise. But in the end the reward was God Himself. It is in our nature, because that is our end. Let's not confuse human weakness for sinful pride. If we think we're better than we are, or that we possess any goodness which is from ourselves, or when we seek praise (rather than just accepting it) ... then comes the moral wrong.

[Anyone who knows the works of St. Therese and St. Thomas, particularly "My Way of Life" by the Confraternity of the Precious Blood, please correct me if I'm wrong on morals here.]