LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got
in the back-seat by mistake."
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                                  FAMILY
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the
96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the
other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She
starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her
sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of
you as soon as I see who's at the door."
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                          "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the sec ond man replied, "it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
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                               OLD FRIENDS:
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they
were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get
mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't
think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
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                              SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
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                                  DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see
over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost
sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough,
the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other
woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red
lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"
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My father-in-laws senility had its useful points as well. When he moved in with us to be taken care of, he was a smoker and a drinker.  I filled the booze bottles with 3 parts water, one part booze till he was weaned. He would fall asleep with a lit cigerette. I woould complain to my hubby and mother in law that we had to stop that. DUH!!! NO help, so one day grandpa went for his daily nap. When he woke up he looked for his smokes. He asked where on earth the were misplaced. I told him he must of forgot he gave up smoking. He said, he would not be surprised that he forgot he forgot most things and he and I had a good laugh. Problem solved no more smoking. He was a real dear. He  could help me in the immediate conversation, leave the room though and he would forget what we had talked about.