ladies? :wink:

ladies? :wink:

Yes, I suppose posting this story could have been seen as a not so subtle hint that I am single and looking.  :dancing-banana:

'I think it is a fair question to ask in light of this article: Where are we supposed to find traditional Catholic spouses?'

That is a fair question.  I have the following suggestions:

- Attend a traditional Catholic Mass (I recommend those celebrated by the SSPX) and participate in the socialising afterwards.

- Attend a traditional Catholic 'mixer'.  Again, I think the SSPX sponsors one every year or every other year.  I dont know the details.

- Find an otherwise decent woman, court her, but tell her you wont marry anyone who isnt Catholic.  (Again.)


'1. There are traditional Catholic men who will read the Church's teachings on marriage, and those of the Fathers such as Chrysostom and are dilligently seeking for a wife who desires to fulfill this role in accordance with these teachings. But they meet with little success, and are encouraged to "lower their expectations".'

In order to lead a traditional Catholic life, the bottom line is that you are going to have to afford it.  My experience is that a truly tradition-minded woman will happily assume a supportive, 'subordinate', stay-at-home role... but she is not going to want to risk financial ruin because you want to play Lord of the Manor.  You have to be able to earn a decent living, whether you have a technical vocation, an advanced education, are self-employed, or independently wealthy.

Face it: if you are going to marry a traditional Catholic woman and live a traditional Catholic life, you are going to need a pretty big house to shelter all the children you are going to have because you will not be using birth control.  Giddy up!, right?  Well, yes and no...  You are going to have to feed them, clothe them, take them to the doctor's, send them to school, etc. not to mention spend time with them and teach them right from wrong.  The money for that isnt going to materialize out of thin air: you are going to have to provide it.

So, dont lower your expectations: make yourself eligible by making sure you can afford a traditional Catholic _family_.  That's not to say I'm trying to focus on the material, but you do have to show that you can deal with the bottom line.

'2. There are few traditional Catholic women who desire to get married (primarily under 22), who have not bought into one or more tenets of feminism, and who refuse to see the teachings of the Church and her Fathers' as antiquated or even misogynistic. These young ladies usually are courted early and marry quite young.'

Then, dont court or marry them.  These 'young ladies' arent Catholic, so why are you bothering with them?  You arent going to fix them, so leave them alone.  Focus on the traditional Catholic ones.

Anyhow, take the time to make yourself _worthy_ of a good, traditional Catholic wife.  Dont waste her time or yours with romance if it isnt backed up with something substantial.  Dont court a Catholic woman and show her that you are living as a monk; show her how you are genuinely interested in becoming truly one with her, marrying her and honouring God, and growing a beautiful traditional Catholic family together.

Make sure that you two are on the same sheet of music, too.  Not all people -- especially women -- who call themselves 'traditional Catholic' really are.  You really have to spend time with a person to truly learn about him or her.

Learn about her family.  What are their values?  Are her parents Catholic?  Are her parents still together?  What are their interests?  You're not just marrying your wife: you're opening the door to her family, too.  You have to be able to like them or at least get along with them.


'3. Traditional Catholic men (#1) seeking a wife seem to far outnumber Traditional Catholic young women (#2), especially on Catholic matchmaking websites.'

Men typically outnumber eligible women.  Which is why you need to make yourself more attractive as a potential husband.  No one is going to hand you a wife: you're going to have to look for one.

You dont need to look like [insert name of generally-considered good-looking male celebrity].  You dont need to be as wealthy as Donald Trump, Bill Gates, or the House of Saud.  You dont need muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

You just have to be a strong, solid, self-confident, capable man.  If you are, good women will know it and you wont have any trouble finding a wife.  It might take time, but you'll find one.


'I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their "courtship strategy".'

I find that the ol' 'club her over her head and drag her back to your lair' works reasonably well.  If you arent prone to violence, you could try copious amounts of hard liquor...

...Just joking!!!  

Seriously, just focus on your Faith: be a good Catholic man.  Focus on reasonable self-improvement: be able to afford a house, wife, and children.  Pray for a wife... and put yourself in situations where you are likely to find one.


'Visiting other Latin Mass communities unfortunately is not an option for me, since I am the organist and choirmaster at our community. Also, I'm not into "missionary dating", particularly because I have children I am already raising in a traditional Catholic manner, and I would not want to confuse them with a mixed example.'

It sounds to me like you already have some significant responsibilities.  If you already have children, you will have to be able to afford them, her, *and the children that your wife* will want to have.


God bless you.

'The only part I seem to disagree with is the "sending the children to school" part.'

Agreed.  I should have said '...educate them...'

I also am not of the mindset that it takes a "McMansion" to raise a traditional Catholic family.  I'm typing this to you in a 2br, 1000 square foot house.  It was built a few years before the great depression.  This house is typical of those built in this area.  The occupants of these houses at the time of the great depression typically had 5 or more children living in one of these houses.  Saint John Chrysostom, in one of his sermons to families, said that the Pagans rightfully laugh at the Christians and call them hypocrites because we say that our mansions are in heaven, yet we are building mansions here on earth.  Don't misunderstand me - I'm not saying you should raise 5 children in a 2 bedroom house.  But the inability to provide a 5 bedroom house shouldn't necessarily preclude someone from marrying and raising a large family.

I heard an interesting comment a couple of years ago at the funeral of my grandmother's brother. When the family and friends were all gathered afterward, all of the decendents of this man stood toward the front of the room (some 100+ people). One of his granddaughters spoke of her memory of family gatherings at the grandparents' house--the same in which they had lived since they were married. She remarked that the family always seemed to "fit" in this three-bedroom house and that her grandfather would explain that there was never need for more than three as you could only have two sorts of children--boys and girls. They raised 13 children in that three-bedroom house.

Greetings in Christ.

I think it is a fair question to ask in light of this article:  Where are we supposed to find traditional Catholic spouses?

As one who is also single (through a non-canonical marriage) and open to marriage, I notice the following phenominom:

1.  There are traditional Catholic men who will read the Church's teachings on marriage, and those of the Fathers such as Chrysostom and are dilligently seeking for a wife who desires to fulfill this role in accordance with these teachings.  But they meet with little success, and are encouraged to "lower their expectations".  

Yes, I have experienced the same, as have several of my single traditional Catholic male friends. It has been my observation to them that men such as ourselves with strong convictions are having the hardest time finding wives. Two have given up on "traditional" girls completely, and have now moved to trying to convert a woman of good will over to traditional Catholicism.  That's not a road I am willing to go down just yet, though I may be forced to. Perhaps there are some "non essentials" we could compromise on?

2.  There are few traditional Catholic women who desire to get married (primarily under 22), who have not bought into one or more tenets of feminism, and who refuse to see the teachings of the Church and her Fathers' as antiquated or even misogynistic.  These young ladies usually are courted early and marry quite young.

I have noticed the same thing. There is that time frame that is most conducive to finding a spouse that I seemed to miss by the fact that I was not "traditional" at that time. Most of those gals that fall in that age range would find me to be too old for them at this point. What I seem to be left with now is woman that are not married for a reason. I suppose I am fast approaching the same category.

3.  Traditional Catholic men (#1) seeking a wife seem to far outnumber Traditional Catholic young women (#2), especially on Catholic matchmaking websites.

Perhaps, though I think if the chapels I attend are any indication, there is not an abundance of fellow singles our age, both male and female.

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their "courtship strategy".  For myself, I am on Catholicmatch and AveMaria Singles, pray often about finding a spouse, and read the writings of the Fathers' on marriage and courtship.  Visiting other Latin Mass communities unfortunately is not an option for me, since I am the organist and choirmaster at our community.  Also, I'm not into "missionary dating", particularly because I have children I am already raising in a traditional Catholic manner, and I would not want to confuse them with a mixed example.

Well, it seems we have the same strategy at this point as I am on the same sites you are. I know the host of this site and his wife are a success story from CM, so perhaps they can give you some encouragement there. I have visited other chapels, but I prefer an introduction to someone through a friend or family if possible. I don't have the same limits on my mobility that you have, so that give me a little more freedom in where I look. In all honesty though, I have nearly given up the idea of finding the woman I am looking for. Perhaps it would more realistic to just accept that the one I am looking for does not really exist, at least not in our current age.