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Author Topic: Is it right to lay hands on daughter when they do wrong  (Read 6069 times)

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Offline Nadir

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Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
« Reply #30 on: January 23, 2020, 07:53:20 PM »
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    • Quote from: sedevacantist3 on January 23, 2020, 06:57:44 PM
    I think you’re correct, my wife is upset with her in that she noticed in the past 2 years my daughter has become distant, not easy indeed
    A blessing that your wife seems your ally in this.  This will take prayer and working together. Also getting the true picture to your daughter.

    There are folk who have left their sins behind, through God's grace. All young people need to know that such is possible, though difficult.

    Try always to speak the truth charitably though.Words like freak are not conducive to winning your daughter back to truth.It's hard when you are under such pressure as you were, and acting on the spur of the moment :pray:
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    Online Miseremini

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #31 on: January 23, 2020, 09:03:35 PM »
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    • How do we speak the truth charitably without whitewashing it, becoming politically correct or conforming to the preferred language of the queers?  Oft times the truth is uncomfortable but it never changes.

    Oxford dictionary definitions:
    freak..abnormal person or thing, adapt an unconventional lifestyle, monstrosity.

    queer...strange odd eccentric, of questionable character, out of order, male ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖ/

    The English language hasn't changed that much or is it another case of go along to get along?
    You don't use nice words to describe horrible things.
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    Offline Seraphina

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #32 on: January 23, 2020, 09:58:28 PM »
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    • It sounds to me like both of you overstepped proper boundaries.  Putting hands around the neck implies violence and butting in to your parents' conversation at age 15 is disrespect.  I would apologize, and then expect your daughter to apologize as well.  
    As for why your wife works or how a 15 year old girl knows what a "gαy" guy is,  topics for other threads.  There are many legitimate reasons why some Catholic women work, and depending upon your life situation, a 15 year old with no idea of what is happening in the world is in for a traumatic awakening in as little as three years or less.  
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    Online Miseremini

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #33 on: January 23, 2020, 10:21:49 PM »
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    • Quote from: Seraphina on January 23, 2020, 09:58:28 PM
    It sounds to me like both of you overstepped proper boundaries.  Putting hands around the neck implies violence and butting in to your parents' conversation at age 15 is disrespect.  I would apologize, and then expect your daughter to apologize as well.  
    As for why your wife works or how a 15 year old girl knows what a "gαy" guy is,  topics for other threads.  
    You must have missed the OP's replies numbers 22, 26 and 27.  He intended to show her how upset he was but DIDN"T HURT HER and she wasn't butting in, it was a family discussion and they both apologized.
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    Offline Nadir

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #34 on: January 23, 2020, 11:12:15 PM »
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    • Quote from: Miseremini on January 23, 2020, 09:03:35 PM
    How do we speak the truth charitably without whitewashing it, becoming politically correct or conforming to the preferred language of the queers?  Oft times the truth is uncomfortable but it never changes.

    Oxford dictionary definitions:
    freak..abnormal person or thing, adapt an unconventional lifestyle, monstrosity.

    queer...strange odd eccentric, of questionable character, out of order, male ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖ/

    The English language hasn't changed that much or is it another case of go along to get along?
    You don't use nice words to describe horrible things.
    That is not what I said, or even insinuated. Iwould not call a ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖ person gαy or freak, for example. But I would call her or her a sinner, and a grievous one at that. You can still speak charitably and tell the truth, without being politically correct. If you are dealing with a person such as this young girl, charity  will go a long way hopefully than using terms which will only stir her up. She needs to learn the truth, but it is necessary to deliver it with charity. Not easy as I said.The correct language may need to be worked on.
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    Offline sedevacantist3

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #35 on: January 24, 2020, 01:24:05 AM »
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    • Quote from: ByzCat3000 on January 23, 2020, 07:15:14 PM
    Yeah there's a whole ton that's unclear to me, in what way was she disrespectful (her views are wrong, but that's a different issue), what was actually said, what the grabbing actually looked like, etc. so while I'll grant that my initial gut reaction is "that seems like not an ideal reaction, but also not grave matter" I also acknowledge that some circuмstance of which I'm not aware could've made it completely acceptable, or on the other hand if he really did act in a physically *harmful* way that could be grave matter.
    the disrespect was the aggressive manner which she spoke  to me, something that would be acceptable maybe if among friends but not a daughter father relationship,  I was definitely physical but don't believe harmful although I guess debatable , she definitely was scared
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    Offline sedevacantist3

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #36 on: January 24, 2020, 01:32:35 AM »
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    • Quote from: Nadir on January 23, 2020, 07:53:20 PM
    A blessing that your wife seems your ally in this.  This will take prayer and working together. Also getting the true picture to your daughter.

    There are folk who have left their sins behind, through God's grace. All young people need to know that such is possible, though difficult.

    Try always to speak the truth charitably though.Words like freak are not conducive to winning your daughter back to truth.It's hard when you are under such pressure as you were, and acting on the spur of the moment :pray:
    I would need to take a course in order to speak more politically correct, i am known among my friends and family as not being politically correct, if the gαy person was in front of me while I called him a freak my daughter would have a legitimate argument that I wasn't acting charitably  , another thing I said she didn't like was when my wife mentioned his face was full of pimples, I joked that maybe he had aids and that many in that lifestyle get aids , basically my goal was to to lay the foundation that if ever in the future she were to have a friend that is gαy it would not be acceptable with me, I am rough around the edges I know , my wife argues i should change my approach which is easier said than done
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    Offline Nadir

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #37 on: January 24, 2020, 01:48:35 AM »
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    • Quote from: sedevacantist3 on January 24, 2020, 01:32:35 AM
    I would need to take a course in order to speak more politically correct, 
    No, no! That's not what I am saying. You need to call a spade a spade, not pussyfoot around her.
    It is her you need to influence, and it best be done charitably, if possible, IMHO.
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    another thing I said she didn't like was when my wife mentioned his face was full of pimples, I joked that maybe he had aids and that many in that lifestyle get aids ,
    Good point! she needs to know the bad things that come out of a life of sin in this world and the next.

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     if ever in the future she were to have a friend that is gαy it would not be acceptable with me,
    Guess she knows that now!


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    I am rough around the edges I know , my wife argues i should change my approach which is easier said than done
    Indeed. Have you prayed with your wife over this? It may help her to see you are going in the right direction.
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    Offline forlorn

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #38 on: January 24, 2020, 04:58:24 AM »
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    • Quote from: sedevacantist3 on January 23, 2020, 05:12:23 PM
    why is the neck the worst place , I don't see any better places, i am not going to slap her in the face, she's too old to slap her on the rear , I basically put my hands around the neck letting her know she crossed a line....out of anger for sure..I had her apologize to me first and then I did apologize , my goal was to instill some fear
    Because the neck is the most vulnerable place and grabbing someone there implies choking. I mean, fear of parental retribution is a good thing, but I don't think a instilling fear that they'll be choked if they cross a line is aporopriate. Now of course you'll say you'd never choke her, but then if that's the case your light neck-grabbing is just an empty threat. 
    As for better places - there's a reason "a slap on the wrist" is a phrase. 
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    Offline St Peter

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #39 on: January 24, 2020, 08:25:23 AM »
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    • Quote from: sedevacantist3 on January 23, 2020, 06:57:44 PM
    I think you’re correct, my wife is upset with her in that she noticed in the past 2 years my daughter has become distant, not easy indeed
    Most 15 year old girls in the world are not easy.
    Do not underestimate the psychological and familial damage you have caused.  I also suggest you pray that she, or someone she tells, does not call child protective services on you.
    Grabbing by the neck is never o.k.
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    Offline Ladislaus

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #40 on: January 24, 2020, 08:54:05 AM »
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    • Quote from: St Peter on January 24, 2020, 08:25:23 AM
    Most 15 year old girls in the world are not easy.
    Do not underestimate the psychological and familial damage you have caused.  I also suggest you pray that she, or someone she tells, does not call child protective services on you.
    Grabbing by the neck is never o.k.

    Stop being such a snowflake.  Daughter will get through this just fine.  In fact, it might be a good reminder to her that it's wrong to run her mouth aggressively and disrespectfully at her parents.  Keep pampering her like a snowflake and she'll only get bolder in her defiance.  People aren't nearly as fragile as you pretend.  Whatever the culpability on part of the OP, the fact is that GOD allowed this to happen to the girl, and He only allows things for people that are ultimately for their own good.  He allows people to suffer and to experience traumatic things.  Even if I were to, say, unjustly and sinfully kill someone, the fact that I would be morally culpable of it does not change the fact that God (using my sin) willed for that person to die on that day.  Some kids are so arrogant and defiant that they might even benefit from a public caning.  You might be on the path towards being one of those who would start questioning "Why would a Merciful God allow this?" after a tragedy and ultimately lose your faith.

    Even if the OP committed some kind of sin, the daughter should be reminded that she shares in the culpability for that sin by having provoked him.

    If I find any fault with OP, it's in setting the whole thing in motion with by going after ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖs as "freaks".  Even the greatest sinners deserve our compassion and prayers.  One can easily reinforce how grave a thing that is without using that kind of language.  We don't know how that person got that way, and there but for the grace of God go we.
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    Offline TKGS

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #41 on: January 24, 2020, 09:53:20 AM »
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    • Frankly, there are a lot of people on this very forum who would have already called CPS if they knew the identity of the opening post.  They are the people who are destroying Western Civilization.
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    Offline JezusDeKoning

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #42 on: January 24, 2020, 10:24:51 AM »
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    • Exactly. Was it the wisest thing to do?

    No. But with all due respect, SP, you're acting like a melodramatic fag. She will get over this.
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    Offline ByzCat3000

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #43 on: January 24, 2020, 01:02:55 PM »
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    • Quote from: Ladislaus on January 24, 2020, 08:54:05 AM
    Stop being such a snowflake.  Daughter will get through this just fine.  In fact, it might be a good reminder to her that it's wrong to run her mouth aggressively and disrespectfully at her parents.  Keep pampering her like a snowflake and she'll only get bolder in her defiance.  People aren't nearly as fragile as you pretend.  Whatever the culpability on part of the OP, the fact is that GOD allowed this to happen to the girl, and He only allows things for people that are ultimately for their own good.  He allows people to suffer and to experience traumatic things.  Even if I were to, say, unjustly and sinfully kill someone, the fact that I would be morally culpable of it does not change the fact that God (using my sin) willed for that person to die on that day.  Some kids are so arrogant and defiant that they might even benefit from a public caning.  You might be on the path towards being one of those who would start questioning "Why would a Merciful God allow this?" after a tragedy and ultimately lose your faith.

    Even if the OP committed some kind of sin, the daughter should be reminded that she shares in the culpability for that sin by having provoked him.

    If I find any fault with OP, it's in setting the whole thing in motion with by going after ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖs as "freaks".  Even the greatest sinners deserve our compassion and prayers.  One can easily reinforce how grave a thing that is without using that kind of language.  We don't know how that person got that way, and there but for the grace of God go we.
    To be clear, I'm making no judgment one way or another on the actual actions, but the logic doesn't hold up here.

    IF the behavior truly was hurtful/violent/abusive God still allowed that for a reason.  And God allowed all sorts of horrible atrocities to happen for a reason.

    Perhaps the OP is completely innocent, but that's a *separate question*.  
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    Offline 2Vermont

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    Re: Is it right to put hands on daughter when they do wrong
    « Reply #44 on: January 24, 2020, 01:22:24 PM »
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    • Quote from: sedevacantist3 on January 23, 2020, 05:12:23 PM
    why is the neck the worst place , I don't see any better places, i am not going to slap her in the face, she's too old to slap her on the rear , I basically put my hands around the neck letting her know she crossed a line....out of anger for sure..I had her apologize to me first and then I did apologize , my goal was to instill some fear
    My father instilled a lot of fear by just yelling at me....and giving me that "look".    

    I think it is good that you both apologized.  You'd be surprised what a young lady can remember for the rest of her life.
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