Author Topic: Ideal Age for Marriage (Read 3302 times)

Mithrandylan · « **Reply #15 on:** October 26, 2013, 05:57:39 PM »

Quote from: Zeitun

Quote from: Jaynek
This is a very good point. Because our society is so messed up, it is not very realistic to talk about the ideal. Biologically, men and women should be marrying in their late teens or early 20s. Almost no secular people (and probably not even many trads) are emotionally mature enough for marriage at that age. And few people are financially prepared for marriage then either. The ideal would be for all these factors to come together at the same age and that is not likely in our culture.

Because the world is disordered doesn't mean we Catholics have to surrender to it. No, we must fight against the diabolical tide and do what we know is pleasing to God. This means marrying young enough to have as many babies as He will send us. Delaying marriage for financial reasons of course is morally disordered and likely to lead to pre-marital sex. What couple wants to enter into marriage with that guilt? And it leads to many problems later on with what some call "good girl syndrome" whereby the now-married wife has guilt over pre-marital sex and denies hubby. Where does that lead? To heartache and possibly worse.

I would not say that.

Some sort of financial security is desirable. Otherwise as soon as the honeymoon is over, the wife gets to find a job.

That's not to say that people can't get married if the husband can't support them on his income alone; but if he can't, and could within the foreseeable future, it seems preferable to delay the wedding by a few months.

Jaynek · « **Reply #16 on:** October 26, 2013, 06:00:32 PM »

Quote from: Tiffany

Why is it always 18 for women and not younger? I know state laws vary but The Church allows for younger than 18.

Pregnancy under 18 has a higher risk of complications for mother and baby. From what I have read, medical authorities usually advise delaying pregnancy until 18. But I wouldn't have a problem with a 17 year old marrying, especially if she were well developed and healthy.

Jaynek · « **Reply #17 on:** October 26, 2013, 06:05:27 PM »

Quote from: Mithrandylan

Quote from: Zeitun
Quote from: Jaynek
This is a very good point. Because our society is so messed up, it is not very realistic to talk about the ideal. Biologically, men and women should be marrying in their late teens or early 20s. Almost no secular people (and probably not even many trads) are emotionally mature enough for marriage at that age. And few people are financially prepared for marriage then either. The ideal would be for all these factors to come together at the same age and that is not likely in our culture.

Because the world is disordered doesn't mean we Catholics have to surrender to it. No, we must fight against the diabolical tide and do what we know is pleasing to God. This means marrying young enough to have as many babies as He will send us. Delaying marriage for financial reasons of course is morally disordered and likely to lead to pre-marital sex. What couple wants to enter into marriage with that guilt? And it leads to many problems later on with what some call "good girl syndrome" whereby the now-married wife has guilt over pre-marital sex and denies hubby. Where does that lead? To heartache and possibly worse.

I would not say that.

Some sort of financial security is desirable. Otherwise as soon as the honeymoon is over, the wife gets to find a job.

That's not to say that people can't get married if the husband can't support them on his income alone; but if he can't, and could within the foreseeable future, it seems preferable to delay the wedding by a few months.

Something else to consider is that some couples have better self-control than others. People who have always been chaste tend to be better at preserving this virtue than people who have sinned against it in the past. So there may be less risk to a chaste couple in delaying marriage a bit.

Mabel · « **Reply #18 on:** October 26, 2013, 06:20:29 PM »

Quote from: Tiffany

Why is it always 18 for women and not younger? I know state laws vary but The Church allows for younger than 18.

I'd be thrilled if my daughter were married at 16. I think though, to be married at that age requires a lot of resistance to the values and influence of the world upon teenagers. I'd definitely want a daughter marrying young to have an older and wiser husband who was established enough to have the wisdom and knowledge to guide the marriage.

Unfortunately, compulsory attendance laws for schooling are getting pushed to 18. I think this is a factor, as well. I do think a young lady should have enough education to be able to educate both boys and girls through high school, that way public school is never a temptation.

Cera · « **Reply #19 on:** October 26, 2013, 07:12:18 PM »

Quote from: Jaynek

Quote from: Tiffany
Why is it always 18 for women and not younger? I know state laws vary but The Church allows for younger than 18.

Pregnancy under 18 has a higher risk of complications for mother and baby. From what I have read, medical authorities usually advise delaying pregnancy until 18. But I wouldn't have a problem with a 17 year old marrying, especially if she were well developed and healthy.

I have not seen that research, but I have seen a study that babies born to 15 to 18 year olds are the healthiest. (Shocking, right?) I am not suggesting 15 and 16 year olds should marry, but that was solid research I used in teaching. I agree with earlier posters, God did design young men and women to marry at earlier ages (prior to the so-called sɛҳuąƖ revolution, they did marry much younger than now.) In our disordered society, influenced by the sɛҳuąƖ revolution, they are much less motivated to marry. In addition, our disordered society has prolonged the stage from child to adult.

Jaynek · « **Reply #20 on:** October 26, 2013, 07:37:48 PM »

Quote from: Cera

Quote from: Jaynek
Quote from: Tiffany
Why is it always 18 for women and not younger? I know state laws vary but The Church allows for younger than 18.

Pregnancy under 18 has a higher risk of complications for mother and baby. From what I have read, medical authorities usually advise delaying pregnancy until 18. But I wouldn't have a problem with a 17 year old marrying, especially if she were well developed and healthy.

I have not seen that research, but I have seen a study that babies born to 15 to 18 year olds are the healthiest. (Shocking, right?) I am not suggesting 15 and 16 year olds should marry, but that was solid research I used in teaching.

I am no expert on this so I very well could be wrong. It sounds like you know more about it than I do.

Quote from: Cera

I agree with earlier posters, God did design young men and women to marry at earlier ages (prior to the so-called sɛҳuąƖ revolution, they did marry much younger than now.) In our disordered society, influenced by the sɛҳuąƖ revolution, they are much less motivated to marry. In addition, our disordered society has prolonged the stage from child to adult.

That is a good point about prolonged childhood.

Vladimir · « **Reply #21 on:** October 26, 2013, 08:04:15 PM »

The ancient rites of China dictated age 30 for men, 20 for women.

soulguard · « **Reply #22 on:** October 27, 2013, 06:23:38 AM »

There was one time when I was 23 I thought I was going to be married to some woman I met, and because of her I converted to Catholicism, but God did not want it to happen, he wanted greater things for me. So now I am 28 and though I don't want to be a priest I want to live a religious life, I look back on it now and see it as kind of an addiction to the other person, now I am glad that I did not do it, because I think God wants me to do something with this life that does not involve just living for someone else (1 person).
Point is, people can change their minds, and at 23 you don't know enough about yourself to be able to disown your entire future and life just because you met someone who at the time you think is "special".

Dolores · « **Reply #23 on:** October 29, 2013, 07:41:22 AM »

I'm not convinced that deciding the "ideal" age for marriage should be based on when a woman is at her "peak fertility." It is true that having children is the primary end of marriage, but it is not the only end, and it is not the same thing as having as many children as physically possible.

That's not to say fertility shouldn't be considered, or that people should actively limit family sizes, but being open to having as many children as God gives doesn't mean a couple has to try to have as many as they can.

Matthew · « **Reply #24 on:** October 29, 2013, 08:41:39 AM »

Quote from: Frances

My parents married when Mom was 34, Dad, 28. They are still living, happily married. Age is a factor if you plan on lots of children. Two of three children are living. My brother died after two days, reason unknown. The job at which my Dad worked 40 hour weeks provided enough money to enable Mom to quit her job to raise us. He bought a house and had excellent benefits, all on a high school diploma and three years of mechanical training from the military. The same job today requires a minimum of a Master's degree in mechanical engineering, computers expertise, and 8-10 years experience. The only jobs at the same firm for someone with high school and military training would be working part-time as a custodian, probably for a private cleaning company on a contract basis. IOW, in no way enabling a man to support a wife and family. Societal conditions have pushed the age of marriage way up for both men and women. It can no longer be said what are appropriate ages. My Mom hardly stayed waiting at home. At 34, she had worked her way up on a high school diploma to being in charge of billing at the local water utility. Her job is nowadays replaced by a computer! She did help my Dad to buy the house, outright, no mortgage.

I would emphasizes that any "ideals" must consider all the other factors, such as the time and place in which you live.

The post above was very interesting. It demonstrates what I have talked about many times -- how times have changed for the worse, and how young men have a harder time today (to get established) then they ever have before.

Another thing to not forget -- the Money Men who rejected Our Lord and use their media today to push society ever downward are the same ones who have debased our currency today, making it weaker than ever so that basically everyone is poor.

Inflation makes everything go up in price -- but wages are usually last to respond. That's why those with businesses have an easier time -- they raise their prices and that's that. But how long until they give their employees a raise? Much, much later, and not enough.

Moral of the story -- we have to be shrewd, clever, and wise as serpents if we want to get by in this world. Not just get by, but manage to get married, have a family, and raise one's children in such a way that they have a fighting chance of staying Catholic. It's quite a challenge.

Frances · « **Reply #25 on:** October 29, 2013, 02:43:39 PM »

:dancing-banana:Follow-up to Matthew's comment:--

Since I am one of them, I think I'm qualified to speak on the children of the above couple, both girls, now adult women in their 40's and 50's. The elder holds two Master's degrees, but due to societal conditions of which Vatican II was the catastrophic culmination, never married and works 70 hour weeks to make ends meet. The younger married at 35 and has two children of school age. Both Mom and Dad work, Dad 75+ hours, Mom part-time, 28 hours. Both have high school only, and their combined incomes need help from Grandpa's savings to meet basic living expenses, this despite receiving govt. assistance for the children. The elder "discovered" tradition at age 45 and by God's grace, intends to die a Catholic. The younger daughter ceased going to Mass at age 15 when Dad was advised by a priest(?) that he was causing her to rebel by requiring Mass. This same priest earlier told parents that bringing children to Confession was psychologically harmful as it was based on the presumption that we were "bad." (Apparently, he no longer believed in Original Sin as early as 1971.) My parents go to the novus ordo when it is convenient. My sister and family are without religion of any type.
In all fairness to my parents, they were blindsided by the changes that came in the 1960s and 1970s. By the time they began to suspect their children were in a disordered world, the damage was done. I was grown, on my own, and since I supported myself 550 miles away, nothing could be said or done. My sister was in high school when a brief attempt was made to "clamp down.". The result was total rebellion and giving in under the pressure of "advice" from the Church and public school officials. Multiply this story millions of times and there you have it, the fruit of Vatican II.