Author Topic: How to deal with bullying relative stopping me going to Mass  (Read 1193 times)

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Offline stanley

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How to deal with bullying relative stopping me going to Mass
« on: November 18, 2011, 06:58:56 AM »
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  • I am a baptised Catholic but lapsed for a number of years . My sister in law , a devout member , invited me and my wife to Midnight Mass in our local cathedral .
    I felt a strong calling again but when my mother-in-law heard this she became most abusive and said I should belong to the same religion as the rest of her family ( Protestant ) . Trouble is my wife lives in fear of her wicked mother and I have to protect her . Going to Mass would make things worse . My wife does not attend any church regularly - and nor does my mother-in-law, and yet she calls herself a good Christian  :dancing-banana: . So for the time being I attemd mass in secret lunchtime midweek and midweek Holy Days of obligation .
    What do I do - I understand I am not comitting a cardinal sin by conciously missing Mass . Should I go and see my local priest ( whom i do not know )


    Offline Elizabeth

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    How to deal with bullying relative stopping me going to Mass
    « Reply #1 on: November 18, 2011, 07:25:31 AM »
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  • Hi Stanley,

    Wicked mothers-in-law are nothing new.

    Mine keeps herself busy creating dry martyrs, too.  :laugh2:

    The holy Sacraments of the Roman Catholic Church give us the graces to endure the calumnies and difficulties associated with living the Faith.

    This is not about the Church; a bully will use anything handy to cause harm.

     So go the Confession and get to Mass and the Sacraments!  Don't let some bully trick you.  We receive extra blessings by submitting to persecution for our faith.

    What makes it worse is a wicked mother-in-law seducing others to mortal sin and eternal Hell.

    I am sure others here have a wealth of encouragement and strategies for you, Stanley.  :cheers:


    Offline stanley

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    How to deal with bullying relative stopping me going to Mass
    « Reply #2 on: November 18, 2011, 08:35:07 AM »
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  • Thank You Elizabeth
    Thought you might like to know she accused her daughter of trying to " seduce " me into the faith - I am baptised from birth whereas my sister in law converted many years ago . This remark caused my sister-in-law great distress and me .

    Offline s2srea

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    How to deal with bullying relative stopping me going to Mass
    « Reply #3 on: November 18, 2011, 08:56:57 AM »
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  • Quote from: stanley
    I am a baptised Catholic but lapsed for a number of years . My sister in law , a devout member , invited me and my wife to Midnight Mass in our local cathedral .
    I felt a strong calling again but when my mother-in-law heard this she became most abusive and said I should belong to the same religion as the rest of her family ( Protestant ) . Trouble is my wife lives in fear of her wicked mother and I have to protect her . Going to Mass would make things worse . My wife does not attend any church regularly - and nor does my mother-in-law, and yet she calls herself a good Christian  :dancing-banana: . So for the time being I attemd mass in secret lunchtime midweek and midweek Holy Days of obligation .
    What do I do - I understand I am not comitting a cardinal sin by conciously missing Mass . Should I go and see my local priest ( whom i do not know )



    Hey Stanley,

    Elizabeth said some great things here. There are also more who I hope will respond to this who are more experienced than I, but if I might be able to give my 2 cents in this. I think doing some prayers and or a novena may help here.

    It sounds like you know that you're doing the right thing in not listening to your mother-in-law about 'belonging to the same religion as the rest of' your wife's family. If you really want to protect your wife, I would say get her away from her mother. No easy way to do this. If her soul is what's at stake here, and her mother is what's keeping her in fear of fufilling her duties to God, and she is, as you say, indeed wicked, than some space is indeed needed, along with prayers for your mother-in-law.

    Also, being brutally honest, attending mass in secret, during the week, is probably not the best action for you now, or your family. You are the man, right? We must act like it. A man, a leader, does not need to live his faith in retraction for fear of familiar disputes. God is the highest end, and we must show this to our family, if no one else.

    Of course, a priest is of necessity here, so you would be correct in seeking one out. My concern is, do you attend a diocean church, or a traditional chapel? The Society of Saint Pius X has many chapels in the UK, if I'm not mistaken.

    Offline pat

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    How to deal with bullying relative stopping me going to Mass
    « Reply #4 on: November 18, 2011, 10:07:48 AM »
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  • please know i speak from expericence on controlling parents.

    look up info on narcisstic personality disorder and see if this fits your mil. it will give you coping skills.

    you and your wife may have to choose - a no contact policy - with her (except for emergency
    )
    it is painful at first but peaceful in the long run ( it's been three years now for me)

    remember mil's issues have really nothing to do with church... do not let someone else control you on going to Church.

    being there for your wife. will be standing up to her mother. (in a Godly way of course) you will be in my prayers






    Patti


    Offline Exsufflation

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    How to deal with bullying relative stopping me going to Mass
    « Reply #5 on: November 18, 2011, 04:10:54 PM »
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  • If you are old enough move out of home. Rent a little place (even a granny flat or cabin). And make this little abode thoroughly Catholic (Crucifix, statue or the Blessed Virgin Mary, statue of St. Michael the Archangel, a holy water stoop at the door, some holy pictures, and a book case full of traditional Roman Catholic books). Get a job. And go to Holy Mass as much as you can.

    Stand firm, fulfill the supreme Commandment, and tell them that God comes first. And that the Holy Catholic Church is God's church established by Him Himself; the only true Religion, outside of which there is no salvation.

    Offline s2srea

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    How to deal with bullying relative stopping me going to Mass
    « Reply #6 on: November 18, 2011, 04:20:03 PM »
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  • Quote from: Exsufflation
    If you are old enough move out of home...


    I think he's married Exsuf  :wink:

    Offline Telesphorus

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    How to deal with bullying relative stopping me going to Mass
    « Reply #7 on: November 18, 2011, 04:28:21 PM »
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  • Strange that the advice to Catholic family men who are hen-pecked involves jobs and money.


    Offline stanley

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    How to deal with bullying relative stopping me going to Mass
    « Reply #8 on: November 27, 2011, 04:43:48 AM »
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  • I met my local priest last Friday and he had no hesitation in absolving me from not going to mass regularly . In the circumstances , he said , where a Catholic has a reasonable excuse for not going , that is not a cardinal sin . He suggested  I " sweet talk her " into saying this is Advent , time for a new approach , but I know this will not work as this woman is just looking for a row with anyone , not just me . He thought the Catholic Church was not the issue . So in the meantime I am able to go for communion when I am able to attend mass which is very pleasing .  :dancing:

     

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