1. AT LUNCH TIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.

2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM, DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.

3. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, ASK IF THEY WANT THEY WANT FRIES WITH THAT.

4. PUT YOUR GARBAGE CAN ON YOUR DESK AND LABEL IT "IN."

5. PUT DECAF IN THE COFFEE MAKER FOR 3 WEEKS. ONCE EVERYONE HAS GOTTEN OVER THEIR CAFFEINE ADDICTIONS, SWITCH TO ESPRESSO.

6. FINISH ALL YOUR SENTENCES WITH "IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY."

7. DON'T USE PUNCTUATION

8. AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE, SKIP RATHER THAN WALK.

9. ASK PEOPLE WHAT GENDER THEY ARE.

10. SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THROUGH ORDER IS "TO GO."

11. SING ALONG AT THE OPERA.

12. GO TO A POETRY RECITAL AND ASK WHY THE POEMS DON'T RHYME.

13. PUT MOSQUITO NETTING AROUND YOUR WORK AREA & PLAY A TAPE OF JUNGLE SOUNDS ALL DAY.

14. FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD.

15. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT OF THE ATM, SCREAM "I WON, I WON! 3RD TIME THIS WEEK!!!!!"

16. WHEN LEAVING THE ZOO, START RUNNING TOWARDS THE PARKING LOT, YELLING "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY'RE LOOSE!!"

17. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER, "DUE TO A DECLINE IN THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO."