I believe that St Therese the Little Flower also has her eye on you, soulguard. I often wonder how you are going? Hang in there, and think about how Jesus suffered for us. I, for one, am glad you're back.

Perhaps you’ve been under the impression that those who attend Mass at your same location is all that the Church is?

CHRIST is the reason you go to worship Him at Mass. If all other humans on the face of the earth were possessed by the devil himself, Jesus still deserves all the love you can give Him and more. 

Jesus was more persecuted than all humans in all of Creation combined..as was Mary also. Our sufferings pale in comparison, we should never complain, only offer them up to Him who deserves so much more than we give. 

You should definitely find a priest. A life of sin is not happiness or peace or freedom, that kind of living only brings more anger and fear. 

May God bless you on your journey with His grace, there are those that still have charity and pray for others but you must also pray for yourself. And ask God to send you a good priest. They are in short supply but they do still exist. Thanks be to God

How comepeople know this devotion i had before about my past devotions.
i used to be obsessed with st therese which is how i converted years ago. everytime i see snow i know a miracle is done for me because it happens at bad times and on her profession day it snowed. her birthday is one week distance from mine. capricorn. And it was snowing past few days when i was on the forum where i am.
and I walked down the street a few weeks ago and saw something i thought was a lotto card on the path, but it was upside down. I turned it around with my shoe and it was a card of st therese of france and something about lourdes or knock and rosary.
I left it where it was. Probably fell out of some old ladys purse or something. I didnt want it at the time. Gone now.
it was one of them veritas leaflets cards. I dismissed it. I need a  bit more coincidences than that im afraid so.
That could happen anyway to anyone. i need something relevant to me to prove of divine plan.

here im doing serious thinking about this now.
will abstain until later. i have to see if confession makes sense to me or not. talk later

After three years, do not put off confession any longer, not for any reason. Humble yourself same as the rest of us and go, find a traditional priest ordained in the old rite and go confess your sins, receive absolution and do your penance. The only thing that matters is to be in the state of grace. Nothing else matters, absolutely nothing.    

Victim of the SSPX, When we first came to tradition my husband was much put off by the seeming aloof chill from the parishioners. He was raised Protestant where church functions were always those happy-clappy events where everyone was love-bombed. By comparison trad Catholics seemed really stand-offish to him. I had to explain to him that we Catholics go to Mass for Christ, to receive the sacraments, to fulfill our obligation- and if people are nice and friendly then that's a plus, but not important. You go to parties for fun and friendship, not Mass.  He had never thought of it that way. He began paying more attention to the teaching and less to the people, realized that Catholicism was the true religion, and converted.

Most people are indifferent, some are jerks. It's a fact of life, unfortunately, regardless of their religion or lack of it. There are hypocrites in every crowd, everywhere you go; theater, grocery store, doctor's waiting room-  but that doesn't stop you from going does it? So go to Mass. If they don't like you, so what?  Receive your sacraments, gain edification from the sermons, shop for good reading in the bookshop, then shake off any funny looks or comments thrown your way, and just keep going. Look for friends and activities elsewhere and reserve your dealings with the priest and parishioners as "business only", if you must-- but go!

Rejection is always painful, especially when it's prolonged. I know that from life-long experience as a square-peg. But you know what's even worse?  Hell.