Author Topic: Grief is really fear, at least for me! (Read 1234 times)

MyrnaM · « **on:** January 23, 2013, 03:31:45 PM »

I thought it might be good for me to write this, and hope others who suffer any loss could also tell their story from time to time.

How are you doing? What are you doing to heal your broken heart? These are common questions good people ask of me since I recently became widowed.

After thinking about it I realize what helps me are a special prayer I have compiled.

Also, yes, I talk to myself every day and yes I answer myself too! First I pray, (the above mentioned prayer) then give myself a pep talk, cry a little, and discover to my surprise so many tears in my eyes. No wonder I lost 10 lbs. since my husband passed away, all water!

I ponder the words, “till death do us part” and think about what those words really mean. The truth is; now they mean my husband was... but no longer a part of my world, he resides in another world today. A world without time, a world without me! I live in a world without him.

I can and do enjoy his memory, manly the good parts, but at times I think of our hard times together. I realize after thinking about and reliving our life over the past few months since he passed, the happiest day with my husband had to be the day he told me he would become a Catholic.

I think about the many sermons whenever I heard a priest talk about marriage, they always brought up how we must help each other get to heaven. We as partners on a journey, helping each other reach our final goal. In that sense our marriage was a success because not really knowing at the time, but looking back, God was using me as His instrument.

Today, my husband through God’s amazing grace and treasures of the Sacraments, he has been successful, he fulfilled his purpose in this world, therefore God released him to his eternity.

Although this is very sad, I realize I am no longer a part of his world, and he is no longer a part of my world.

What I must do now is seek and find God’s will for me with the time I have left here. This loneliness, insecurity, panic/grief attacks, and fear of life without him; has become a fitting reparation for my past sins. Life is truly a vale of tears and proof of God’s love. He has given me a cross, it is His will that I accept it. I will not look to family, religious or friends for comfort, because I know that only God can comfort me during this time of healing. Like my husband I must be resigned to His will, and pray that God will reveal to me what He wants me to do with the rest of my life.

When my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he immediately accepted it as the will of God, he did not look for alternative medicine, a second opinion, he was never frustrated or depressed. What he did was to look at me, and began to instruct me how to run our home, pay bills, and manage household affairs. He actually had to teach me how to put gas in our car. He started to write instructions for me, and taught me things that I never had to do. He spent hours giving me direction and advice. Encouraged me to relax and thanked me for taking care of him as he slipped away. He asked me to find a simple prayer to pray daily while he was sick, and when I found one, he was faithful and prayed it daily. I had it printed on his memorial card. From day one he accepted God’s will for himself, and now it is my turn to accept God’s will. Please pray for me!

sedetrad · « **Reply #1 on:** January 23, 2013, 03:57:30 PM »

That was beautiful, Myrna!

stgobnait · « **Reply #2 on:** January 23, 2013, 04:46:39 PM »

Your Faith will sustain you, im sure, prayers for you both,

ServusSpiritusSancti · « **Reply #3 on:** January 23, 2013, 05:24:59 PM »

Quote from: sedetrad

That was beautiful, Myrna!

What he said.

You'll be in my prayers, Myrna. And may your husband's soul rest in peace.

jen51 · « **Reply #4 on:** January 23, 2013, 06:26:47 PM »

This made me tear up, Myrna. Beautiful words, written by a beautiful soul. God bless you for your inspiring words. I will pray for you.

It sounds like I need to take grief lessons from you. I don't handle it nearly as gracefully as you.

songbird · « **Reply #5 on:** January 23, 2013, 07:13:18 PM »

thank you for returning to the forum. I have you in prayer. My friend lost her husband 10 years ago. She takes her angel with her in all she does. Her angel actually helped her find a lost object, a key to get into the house after a walk.

My husband and I will be married 40 years in June. I look back and remember the good, and bad and the recovery. It brings tears of bittersweet. My husband helps me now by saying, " In case I die, this is how it is....".

I found some things to keep me busy when I was alone. My mother-in-law taught me to crochet. It brings me much pleasure. Then my husband allowed me to buy meats at our grocery store for the poor of our church. Our butcher allows 75% off when I find pre packaged meat at the expiration or day after. I watch the due dates. We serve 5 families in need, enough to help them out. Once a week, God makes it happen. It is better to buy the meat and a nun distributes it to the families then to give money in this situation.The kids like hot dogs and there are the good beef w/o the nitrates and so the price starts high, no one buys them and so I get them on the due dates and freeze/deliver. Half hams and so on, even turkeys organic for $5 that were 14 lbs. God is Good. Then some people volunteer their time, like rocking babies at the hospital, visiting those in care centers, they let me take my dog, no problem. My dog likes getting his lovings! I am sure you will find many things to do. Your husband is with you. In heaven they pray for you, in purgatory they pray for you. He is with you! My mother-in-law saw her husband a few times after his death, that is what she told us, she could have seen him more. She would say she had a dream and saw him seating on her bed or she would say he kissed her in her dreams. We cared for her as long as we could. I learnt patience when I thought I already knew it. I put everything in God's hands. I am glad that I had her. Prayers always for you, Myrna. I listen very much and watch very much the widows. I want to learn from them.

Angel9 · « **Reply #6 on:** January 23, 2013, 08:08:12 PM »

I will pray for for you,

and your husband may he rest in peace, I can not possibly understand what you feel right now because I never really lost anybody close to me, but I would feel devastated, :sad: you are in my prayers

Sigismund · « **Reply #7 on:** January 23, 2013, 09:48:23 PM »

Quote from: ServusSpiritusSancti

Quote from: sedetrad
That was beautiful, Myrna!

What he said.

You'll be in my prayers, Myrna. And may your husband's soul rest in peace.

Indeed. And mine.

Nadir · « **Reply #8 on:** January 24, 2013, 04:07:04 AM »

Thank you for sharing with us, Myrna.

I often think about how it will be and who will go first. I don't think we can ever be prepared. You think of something you must tell him and he's simply not there to tell. It must leave a terrible gap. The two have become one flesh. And suddenly that one flesh ....

And yet death is what we must all face...

I am praying for you both, dear Myrna.

Neil Obstat · « **Reply #9 on:** January 24, 2013, 08:10:54 AM »

Quote from: MyrnaM

I thought it might be good for me to write this, and hope others who suffer any loss could also tell their story from time to time.

How are you doing? What are you doing to heal your broken heart? These are common questions good people ask of me since I recently became widowed.

After thinking about it I realize what helps me are a special prayer I have compiled.

Also, yes, I talk to myself every day and yes I answer myself too! First I pray, (the above mentioned prayer) then give myself a pep talk, cry a little, and discover to my surprise so many tears in my eyes. No wonder I lost 10 lbs. since my husband passed away, all water!

I ponder the words, “till death do us part” and think about what those words really mean. The truth is; now they mean my husband was... but no longer a part of my world, he resides in another world today. A world without time, a world without me! I live in a world without him.

I can and do enjoy his memory, manly the good parts, but at times I think of our hard times together. I realize after thinking about and reliving our life over the past few months since he passed, the happiest day with my husband had to be the day he told me he would become a Catholic.

I think about the many sermons whenever I heard a priest talk about marriage, they always brought up how we must help each other get to heaven. We as partners on a journey, helping each other reach our final goal. In that sense our marriage was a success because not really knowing at the time, but looking back, God was using me as His instrument.

Today, my husband through God’s amazing grace and treasures of the Sacraments, he has been successful, he fulfilled his purpose in this world, therefore God released him to his eternity.

Although this is very sad, I realize I am no longer a part of his world, and he is no longer a part of my world.

What I must do now is seek and find God’s will for me with the time I have left here. This loneliness, insecurity, panic/grief attacks, and fear of life without him; has become a fitting reparation for my past sins. Life is truly a vale of tears and proof of God’s love. He has given me a cross, it is His will that I accept it. I will not look to family, religious or friends for comfort, because I know that only God can comfort me during this time of healing. Like my husband I must be resigned to His will, and pray that God will reveal to me what He wants me to do with the rest of my life.

When my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he immediately accepted it as the will of God, he did not look for alternative medicine, a second opinion, he was never frustrated or depressed. What he did was to look at me, and began to instruct me how to run our home, pay bills, and manage household affairs. He actually had to teach me how to put gas in our car. He started to write instructions for me, and taught me things that I never had to do. He spent hours giving me direction and advice. Encouraged me to relax and thanked me for taking care of him as he slipped away. He asked me to find a simple prayer to pray daily while he was sick, and when I found one, he was faithful and prayed it daily. I had it printed on his memorial card. From day one he accepted God’s will for himself, and now it is my turn to accept God’s will. Please pray for me!

Perhaps you have already thought of this, Myrna, but it seems that your
husband did everything he could to return to you the favor you did for him,
in introducing him to the Church. You gave him instructions on how to
pursue eternal life without you, and in return, he gave you instructions on
how to pursue this temporal life without him. It's really a beautiful story.

Thank you.

MyrnaM · « **Reply #10 on:** January 24, 2013, 09:14:41 AM »

I want to thank everyone for your promise of prayers.
The first few weeks after he died was difficult but it is much worse now after living a few months without him, he passed on Nov. 13.

I want everyone to know that he had his last rites, the apostolic blessing, just days before he passed away. He kissed the pardon crucifix, every time I offered it to him, he told us, he was resigned to God's will, and he died with his scapular on. I feel certain that he saved his soul.

Again these are not just words I am posting, I really thank you all for your prayers, that is what I need and in your charity please, please pray for me that I can accept this cross the way God wants me too, without complaining. I don't feel I am complaining now, but It helps me to write this and know that someone out there is praying for me.