Author Topic: Facebook invites (Read 1692 times)

Alex · « **on:** February 19, 2010, 07:00:35 AM »

I have a dilemma. Advice appreciated.

My grandmother and I were going to eat at a particular restaurant 6 days a week for the past year. I got to know and befriend all the waiters there. They went out of their way to be nice to Granny - such as singing happy birthday to her in Italian one a week (even though policy was they only did it for someone's actual birthday). Well, the restaurant ended up closing a couple of weeks ago because of lease problems. We all hugged each other goodbye the last day and they all sang several times to Granny and gave her a bag full of the hard candy she likes. I gave my Facebook account to one of the waitresses and she ended up giving it to the other waiters whom I also knew. I have already accepted invites from 2 of them. Well, yesterday, I got an invite from 2 more of the waiters I knew and befriended. One has the group "For gαy Marriage" on his Pages list. He is apparently gαy because on of the pictures he has posted he is sitting next to a guy on a couch and they are sitting really close to each other. The other has on his Pages list "GLAAD" (gαy & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) and "Revocation of tax-exempt status from churches engaging in political action". And he also is a fan of a group favoring the legalization of marijuana. If I reject these 2 friend requests, not only will I offend them but all the other waiters whom I accepted as friends (since they are all good friends among each other). And if the advice given is to reject them, what do I say in my PM to explain why I refused their friend request?

clare · « **Reply #1 on:** February 19, 2010, 07:13:02 AM »

I have some liberal FB friends with dodgy lifestyles. But I post lots of traditional, anti-liberal stuff to my profile, and if my liberal friends don't like it, they can remove me!

Caminus · « **Reply #2 on:** February 19, 2010, 07:25:35 AM »

Alex, you are suffering from the effects of human respect which we all suffer from to one degree or another. What could you possibly gain by maintaining such "friendships"? It took me awhile, but I finally learned that these people are not true friends at all even though they supply us with sentimental feelings. That's not to say that you should be unkind, but it is bad for the spiritual life to have regular and friendly communication with enemies of God.

Caminus · « **Reply #3 on:** February 19, 2010, 07:26:21 AM »

I would further direct you to what St. Francis DeSales counsels in Introduction to the Devout Life on friendship. I think you will be quite surprised.

Alex · « **Reply #4 on:** February 19, 2010, 06:31:04 PM »

Caminus, they are not friends I keep in communication with. I would have contact with them on a daily basis when Granny and I went to eat at the restaurant. They were really nice to us and went out of their way to do nice things. They requested a friend invite on Facebook. When the restaurant closed, we all left each other hugging each other goodbye. They saw me as a nice person. So, if you say I should not accept their friend invite, then how do I do it without appearing to them to have turned into a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One minute I'm saying I'll miss them and to keep in contact, and the next minute I ignore their friend invite? There has to be a charitable way to deal with this. I could do what Clare does but wouldn't that be a scandal to my other friends on Facebook when they know I am a practicing Catholic and everything on my Pages list is Catholic related and my favorite quote listed on my info page is a prayer. And if I decide to not add them as friends, I can't just coldly ignore them and leave them in the dark as to how a Christian like me was nice to them and then all of a sudden gave them the silent treatment and cold shoulder (and they don't know why). That would not show a Christian in a positive light.

Alex · « **Reply #5 on:** February 19, 2010, 06:39:30 PM »

And today I just got more invites from the remainder of the waiters. I have no problem adding these last 2. But how do I add these latest 2 and ignore the other 2 guys who have pro-gαy Pages on their Facebook. They are all friends with each other and are on each others Facebook. So if I have added all of them except ignored the 2 (the one who is gαy and the one who is pro-gαy), that is being uncharitable and that would offend all of the others - and they would all be wondering why I was ignoring these 2 guys when I had always been nice to them and liked them for the whole year I knew them from going everyday to the restaurant.

Alex · « **Reply #6 on:** February 19, 2010, 06:46:16 PM »

Correction: make that 3 more Friend requests today. So, the whole group of waiters I had come to know and befriend at the restaurant have asked for an invite. How would it look if I accepted 5 of them and rejected 2 of them - when I was aquaintance friends with them all equally.

Raoul76 · « **Reply #7 on:** February 19, 2010, 07:34:24 PM »

I think the board knows I am no liberal, but I don't remember Jesus telling me to shun all gαy people. In the sedevacantist world ( CMRI ) I have already had to deal with this, having someone who came off as extremely gαy trying to befriend me. I was polite up to a point but when he proved to be theologically liberal and began screeching at me in a fruity voice about my "rigorism," talking over me constantly, and making it clear he was a very determined heretic ( no accidents, as he was well read in theology ), I had had more than enough and stopped answering the phone.

I actually think this person was Boniface, if anyone remembers that CathInfo poster. At least they had the exact same truly messed-up personality where they compulsively had to make gαy jokes and comments.

However, if he were someone really trying to be Catholic who was fighting his ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖity I would have kept in contact with him. I am not in danger of being tempted, and I'm not worried about people thinking I'm gαy, as my heterosɛҳuąƖity is all too easy to prove. I have about ten years of pictures of myself with various girlfriends.

But when we're talking about those who are not Catholic in any way like these waiters, it's different. Now it's purely a matter of politeness. Alex doesn't have to shun them for any theological reason. He just has to not act any gαy desire that he hopefully doesn't have in the first place.

But if he allows someone who is a flaming and unashamed ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖ to be linked to his Facebook page he will look like he approves of flaming and unashamed ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖs. Therefore he should refuse the friend request.

The restaurant is closed, Alex, you will never go there again. Besides that, if you are asked why you denied the friend request, just say so. I'm sure the other waiters will understand, and if they don't, boo hoo. Do these people share one brain?

Raoul76 · « **Reply #8 on:** February 19, 2010, 07:39:26 PM »

Post scriptum: Tell them you do not approve of gαy marriage or of legalized marijuana and you are a Catholic. Simple.

Also tell them you do not approve of ɧoɱosɛҳųαƖity period and that they need to get rid of this mental disorder.

clare · « **Reply #9 on:** February 20, 2010, 07:48:06 AM »

Quote from: Alex

... I could do what Clare does but wouldn't that be a scandal to my other friends on Facebook when they know I am a practicing Catholic...

They won't be able to see your dodgy friends' profiles (unless they've set their privacy settings to allow friends of friends, or everyone to see their profiles).

Anyhow, I've decided that, if it all gets too much, and I cannot abide the liberals' lifestyles any longer, I shall just close my Facebook account altogether. Maybe reopen a new one later?

Alex · « **Reply #10 on:** February 21, 2010, 03:49:23 AM »

I'm going to deactivate my Facebook account in a couple days. Facebook is too much of a headache and I have enough problems as it is.

Matthew · « **Reply #11 on:** February 21, 2010, 07:33:02 AM »

Probably a wise course of action -- it's true that you wouldn't be having this problem at all if it weren't for Facebook -- with its unique type of "friendship" which doesn't occur in real life.

In real life, you could just be polite, etc. when you meet these people and you would be good to go. But on Facebook, they can look up whether you've "friended" them or not. This whole situation as you describe it never existed before computers.

Matthew