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Author Topic: Custody of the eyes vs just looking around...  (Read 630 times)

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Offline s2srea

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Custody of the eyes vs just looking around...
« on: April 03, 2012, 03:54:43 PM »
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    • This may be a thread more for men than anything, given that we can sin quite easily via our eyes.

    I've attempted to practice custody of the eyes before, but I gave up rather quickly. I found that though I was actively trying to not 'see' the immoral dress women put on these days, and living in Southern California you can imagine how much there is to see, it was that 'actively' part that made me quite exposed to temptation, and potentially sin.  

    This has me wondering if I'm approaching this the wrong way or not.

    I will explain further. Its inevitable for me to go through my work life without coming into contact with immodesty. There is scantly clad women everywhere- work, lunch, the park, while driving down the street, you name it, you can bet there's a hoochie-mama around the corner, or on both sides of the corner. Its pervasive. I'm sure there's many of us guys who live closer to the city who have to experience something like this.

    My issue is this- when I'm not 'actively' focused on what it is my eyes come into contact with- I'm okay. I mean, I am not bothered by what I see, in the sense that I have come to a point of blocking it out, and I go on with my day; I do not give any special mental attention to these women, I do not think I'm sinning by simply 'seeing' them by no fault of my own- I simply am exposed to them, and I cannot walk around with my eyes closed and always down as St. Francis did, though I wish I could.

    But when I am focused on what I see, when I am proactive in trying to turn my attention away as quickly as possible, I get a sensation of temptation. Because now I am concentrated. Its almost as if I am 'looking for what not to see'. Again, given my state and job in life, I find it impossible not to come in contact with this. So I've felt the urge to just go back to my normal ways and 'block out' what every it is I come across which I feel may lead to sins of impurity.

    Of course temptations are not bad, and we should thank God for them, however, I don't know if its necessary, or even beneficial, to give myself extra temptations. Am I approaching this entire issue incorrectly? Am I missing something?
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    Offline Raoul76

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    Custody of the eyes vs just looking around...
    « Reply #1 on: April 03, 2012, 05:07:23 PM »
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    • I know exactly what you're talking about and I'm sure most men do.  Whenever I'm extra-scrupulous in trying to practice custody of the eyes, it makes the pressure worse.  Because if you are going to block out all tantalizing sights, you would indeed have to have your eyes fixed firmly on the ground.  

    God's solution for me was to provide me with the assistance of St. Stanislaus Kostka, who I pray to most days for purity of mind.  So while I look say 50% of the time, it has less effect on me than before.

    Once you get some momentum you can resist the urge to look more and more.  But from what I have experienced, you can't force it, if you are saying "Mary, help me" over and over, it's trying too hard, no one can live like that.  You can't literally call on her at every second of the day.  If you have Mary in your heart, however, then you are calling her all the time. That is why when you are at a high spiritual level, like certain saints, you really can avoid all temptation even to look.

    On the feast day of St. Dominic Savio, my priest's namesake and patron saint, he spoke in the sermon about how St. Dominic practiced custody of the eyes perfectly, but he had a natural curiosity, so that in the beginning he would get headaches from the effort.

    You're not going to go to hell for briefly looking at a girl in a skirt above the knees; but the more you look, the more you will have women on the brain.

    It seems to me that with EVERY virtue, what it all comes down to is love of God. The more you love God, you are just filled with every virtue.  So that is how to attack the root of all problems; advance in the spiritual life, love God more, live for Him more and more, and the old man falls away gradually.  If you are trying to become virtuous out of pride, if you are patting yourself on the back for being so strong and resisting temptation, you will find yourself slipping.  The more you are aware of your weakness, and the more you entrust yourself to the care of Jesus and Mary, the sharper your consciousness is of your own sinfulness and unworthiness -- which everyone says they have but VERY FEW really have, this is spiritual perfection -- then the easier all of this gets.  Find more ways to work for God at every second of the day, become filled with Him more and more, this is the goal.

    I have gotten my big toe wet when it comes to humility, I am on the path, though far from perfection; but this little taste I've had makes me want more.  I'm seeing now how immersed I was in thoughts of the flesh even when I was baptized and wasn't committing mortal sins.  I had to fight more, now it's easier, the curiosity is lighter.  But I didn't really do anything to get here, just kept trying to get closer to God and seek His ways.
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    Readers: Please IGNORE all my postings here. I was a recent convert and fell into errors, even heresy for which hopefully my ignorance excuses. These include rejecting the "rhythm method," rejecting the idea of "implicit faith," and being brieflfy quasi-Jansenist. I also posted occasions of sins and links to occasions of sin, not understanding the concept much at the time, so do not follow my links.

    Offline s2srea

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    Custody of the eyes vs just looking around...
    « Reply #2 on: April 03, 2012, 05:26:59 PM »
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    • Thanks Raoul.

    Quote
    Once you get some momentum you can resist the urge to look more and more. But from what I have experienced, you can't force it, if you are saying "Mary, help me" over and over, it's trying too hard, no one can live like that. You can't literally call on her at every second of the day. If you have Mary in your heart, however, then you are calling her all the time. That is why when you are at a high spiritual level, like certain saints, you really can avoid all temptation even to look.


    I can appreciate this. Going about it the way I have has really taken away any peace I've had, and I don't think that's how its supposed to be. Don't get me wrong, trials are not peaceful, but that's different. I suppose I will try to look down a little more, but not get so upset when something is thrown in front of me, where I have no opportunity to avoid it.

    I will keep in mind the point about pride. I've asked God recently to make me humble, but more importantly, to let me be open to being humiliated. I think that is the part of being humble which I fear. I've realized though I may not directly boast about myself sometimes pride has a way of showing itself in different ways without being so direct. Its not always going to be as obvious as the parable of the Publican and the Pharisee in Luke. Sometimes, I want to act as if I'm knowledgeable on a subject (for example, on a thread on this forum). While I'm not like the Pharisee, and don't say, "Look at me... Look how good I am at X." My actions say it.
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