My wife and I have been married for 9 years and we are both catholic. We have 5 children, ages are from 2 to 15 years old. Our marriage hasn't been the greatest over the last few years.
You'll forgive me for "doing the math", but it doesn't sound like your marriage was started off on the right foot.
A man always loses a certain amount of respect for a woman when she loses her purity -- even if it's the man's own doing. This certainly causes problems for many marriages.
It doesn't mean you should give up hope, but it does mean you started off behind and will be swimming upstream for much of your marriage to make up for it. Hard words, I know, but unfortunately true.
Let's put it this way: God doesn't forbid extra-marital relations because he's a "killjoy" or wants to be mean, or spoil our fun. He has very fundamental reasons for insisting on the Sixth/Ninth commandments. It has to do with the order He created when He created the world.
All the commandments represent order (and breaking them causes disorder), but few commandments have as lasting an effect on a person when they are broken (including his family and society) as those sins committed against the Sixth and Ninth.
And yes, that includes sins committed by oneself. Don't ever kid yourself that self-abuse (the M word) is a "victimless crime". How about your future WIFE and FAMILY -- they are the victims of that particular sin.
One of the many sad facts of human nature: People don't change that much. That's advice frequently given to newlyweds -- don't expect too much change.
To connect just two of the dots for you: your spouse conceived your 15 year old without God's blessing, out of emotion/love/lust/self will. She recently committed an affair with another main without God's blessing, out of emotion/love/lust/self will. Get the pattern?
Once you lose innocence, it's hard to get it back. The only way to get it back is through penance.
And to connect a couple more dots regarding "people don't change": Ladies, if you find out that your love interest (boyfriend, fiance, etc.) has a problem with pornography, RUN THE OTHER WAY. Dump him like a bad habit. You can take a chance that he's done enough penance, but you're taking a serious risk. A man with this addiction has formed the habit of seeking and willing illicit sexual pleasure. What if he does that with another woman after you're married? Think about it. The habit is already there.
If it sounds harsh, perhaps it has to be, to be a powerful deterrent for these weak young men habitually committing this sin. Want to be single the rest of your life? If not, then stop it! Find it within yourself. Do whatever needs to be done. "If thy eye scandalize thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee".
St. Catherine of Siena said "The world is rotten because of silence." I would paraphrase it: "The world is rotten because most people don't think!