Author Topic: Cheating spouse  (Read 1376 times)

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Offline Joseph19811981

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Cheating spouse
« on: May 02, 2015, 08:07:58 AM »
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  • I need some advice on a cheating spouse.

    My wife and I have been married for 9 years and we are both catholic. We have 5 children, ages are from 2 to 15 years old. Our marriage hasn't been the greatest over the last few years. I have had emotional affair behind my wife's back which she knows about, and my wife has also talked  to a guy behind my back. I regret what I have done to my wife and wish I could take it back and focus on my marriage instead.

    This guy I'll call Mike is married with 2 kids. He has constantly cheated on his wife, and goes from girl to girl. Mike also lives 5 minutes away from me. Mike and my wife used to date when they were 15 years old.

    At the beginning of this year, Mike and my wife had a emotional and sexual relationship for at least 2 months. I eventually found out when I went through my wife's cell phone. When I confronted her about it, she told me everything except certain details about them having sex. She then blocked him on facebook but I later found out that she unblocked him and tried finding him on facebook. I then created a fake facebook page pretending to be Mike and had a conversation with my wife on facebook. In the conversation on facebook,  my wife admitted that she missed me(mike), along with my wife saying that she would come over to meet him if mike would pay her bills and buy her a house, and she stated she just drove past his house. At the end of the conversation my wife realized it was me cause I don't talk like Mike.

    I confronted Mikes wife and told her everything but his wife acted like she didn't care.

    Also, my wife's best friend I'll call Amber knew about my wife talking to Mike. If it wasn't for me, my wife would have never met amber. The sad part is Amber never mentioned anything to me about it because Amber is more my wifes friend now. This being said, it also jeopardizes Amber marriage.

    My wife and I want this marriage to work. My wife shows me that she loves and wants to be with me but I feel it could be better. My wife doesn't want to go to marriage counseling because she doesn't want to tell someone else her problems.

    Am I doing the right thing by staying with her. I'm worried she might do it again even though she says she won't. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.



    Offline Jehanne

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    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #1 on: May 02, 2015, 08:17:44 AM »
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  • Makes me wonder if you are not a troll.  Your story seems grandiose, and after all, this for a first post?


    Offline Matthew

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    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #2 on: May 02, 2015, 09:18:11 AM »
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  • You have somehow been transported to the land where all Soap Operas are filmed -- everyone cheats on everyone, everyone has an unquenchable libido at all times, drama reigns supreme, and every friend, mailman, and co-worker is a potential "character" in the drama, with the power to influence one or more of the star relationships (or even jump in and become another vertex in the love triangle/quadrilateral/pentagon/hexagon).

    If there were only a way to transport you back to the REAL world...
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    Offline PerEvangelicaDicta

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    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #3 on: May 02, 2015, 09:28:25 AM »
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  • It's your first post.  You're either desperate for help or you're a troll.  Giving the benefit of the doubt:

    Are you traditional Catholics?  If not, saving your marriage will be almost impossible for reasons I'll allow others to elaborate.
    But whether you are or not, make an appointment to speak to a traditional priest. Pronto. You and your wife have CHOSEN to make an absolute mess of your lives, for purely selfish reasons, feeding your ego and your lust.  Time for you both to grow up.  You're like selfish children, throwing the sanctity of your family and the spiritual and temporal welfare of your children out with the trash.  It's disgraceful.

    But there's hope. Your now listening to the Holy Ghost, instead of satan.  Be warned, it will take a lot of humility to overcome your pagan attitudes and strive for a holy family.  You both have to stop living for yourselves (what the world brainwashes you to do) and serve God first.  If you do so, you'll achieve peace of soul, great happiness.  Otherwise, you'll be flailing in chaos, pain and confusion. I've seen this over and over.


    Offline PerEvangelicaDicta

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    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #4 on: May 02, 2015, 09:46:51 AM »
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  • Quote
    You have somehow been transported to the land where all Soap Operas are filmed -- everyone cheats on everyone, everyone has an unquenchable libido at all times, drama reigns supreme, and every friend, mailman, and co-worker is a potential "character" in the drama, with the power to influence one or more of the star relationships (or even jump in and become another vertex in the love triangle/quadrilateral/pentagon/hexagon).


    Ain't that the truth?  No wonder everyone is so miserable, they live in a satanic soap opera.  Selfish children, acting in their own perverse interests.



    Offline Matthew

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    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #5 on: May 02, 2015, 11:26:42 AM »
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  • Quote from: Joseph19811981

    My wife and I have been married for 9 years and we are both catholic. We have 5 children, ages are from 2 to 15 years old. Our marriage hasn't been the greatest over the last few years.


    You'll forgive me for "doing the math", but it doesn't sound like your marriage was started off on the right foot.

    A man always loses a certain amount of respect for a woman when she loses her purity -- even if it's the man's own doing. This certainly causes problems for many marriages.

    It doesn't mean you should give up hope, but it does mean you started off behind and will be swimming upstream for much of your marriage to make up for it. Hard words, I know, but unfortunately true.

    Let's put it this way: God doesn't forbid extra-marital relations because he's a "killjoy" or wants to be mean, or spoil our fun. He has very fundamental reasons for insisting on the Sixth/Ninth commandments. It has to do with the order He created when He created the world.

    All the commandments represent order (and breaking them causes disorder), but few commandments have as lasting an effect on a person when they are broken (including his family and society) as those sins committed against the Sixth and Ninth. And yes, that includes sins committed by oneself. Don't ever kid yourself that self-abuse (the M word) is a "victimless crime". How about your future WIFE and FAMILY -- they are the victims of that particular sin.

    One of the many sad facts of human nature: People don't change that much. That's advice frequently given to newlyweds -- don't expect too much change.

    To connect just two of the dots for you: your spouse conceived your 15 year old without God's blessing, out of emotion/love/lust/self will.  She recently committed an affair with another main without God's blessing, out of emotion/love/lust/self will. Get the pattern?

    Once you lose innocence, it's hard to get it back. The only way to get it back is through penance.

    And to connect a couple more dots regarding "people don't change": Ladies, if you find out that your love interest (boyfriend, fiance, etc.) has a problem with pornography, RUN THE OTHER WAY. Dump him like a bad habit. You can take a chance that he's done enough penance, but you're taking a serious risk. A man with this addiction has formed the habit of seeking and willing illicit sexual pleasure. What if he does that with another woman after you're married? Think about it. The habit is already there.

    If it sounds harsh, perhaps it has to be, to be a powerful deterrent for these weak young men habitually committing this sin. Want to be single the rest of your life? If not, then stop it! Find it within yourself. Do whatever needs to be done. "If thy eye scandalize thee, pluck it out and cast it from thee".

    St. Catherine of Siena said "The world is rotten because of silence." I would paraphrase it: "The world is rotten because most people don't think!"
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    Online Ladislaus

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    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #6 on: May 02, 2015, 03:01:48 PM »
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  • Step #1:  Stop the Sin

    Both of you are committing grave sins by your affairs and emotional affairs.

    If you won't do that, then there's no hope.

    Marriage must be rooted in God.

    Then and only then will you be able to re-build any emotional bonds.

    Offline Nadir

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    Cheating spouse
    « Reply #7 on: May 02, 2015, 04:49:22 PM »
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  • My heart goes out to your poor children (you know, the five). You care not for them and they know it. Tragic!


     

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