I have such a troubled mind. I don't want praise because all I am comfortable with is being told no and that I am a failure. Despite being praised for my talents, I try to hide from it.
My way of dealing with my problems is to confront people with a screw you attitude. Like: think you're going to be able to punish me? I'll beat you to it! I'll do something bad so I'm already in trouble.
Tonight, I had a million thoughts racing through my head about all my failures, such as social interactions, which I am terrible at. Back in January I tried to ask out this one girl but her brother told me to back off, and my warped mind had me mocking him and sending him messages when he was drunk telling him he didn't have to worry about dating because he came from a good looking family. I asked him a day later if he thought I was creepy and he said my question was self answering, that he was blocking me on facebook (as his sister already did) and that I should stay away from him and his sister, which is wonderful because we all go to the same college and I'm running everywhere to make sure I don't cross them because I'm sure they think I'm the next Adam Lanza (Sandy Hook shooter). I asked one of my friends who was close with them to help patch this up and he said no, so I defriended him and blocked him on facebook as a way to say to him: screw you, I can beat you to it.
I tried to patch things up with him and his sister, and they seemed to accept my apology, but I stupidly asked the sister if she was willing to act in a film about a boy losing his love, or pass the idea on to other girls in her modeling agency, and she never got back to me. I asked the brother if he could contact my friend for me about re-accepting me back into his life and he replied: Don't contact me.
I feel stupid enough with all my social failures, and I had more failures tonight.
Over the last year and a half, I have suffered from severe OCD regarding scrupulosity and religion, and I've thought I was satanic and stuff like that after talking with anti-Catholic fundamentalists. Now whenever I pray and try to think of Jesus, I just see the devil every time. I decide to pray to the devil because I think he will say yes and Jesus will say no, despite me damning myself. This has led to me being withdrawn from school and being put on psychiatric medication. So imagine all this stress I'm enduring as I say rosary after rosary, go to confession after confession, only to be told by somebody that I'm wrong and I'm not attending the right church, or Catholicism is in apostasy since the Second Vatican Council and we need to go see sedevacantist priests and bishops (sedevacantist literally means: the Chair is Vacant [referring to the papacy]). I feel like Christ has abandoned me, since I have been in such despair, believing I have blasphemed the Holy Spirit after doubting if Jesus was the messiah and believed he might have been a trick of the devil... I feel so bad for writing that, but I have been in such agaony ever since January of 2012.
Then I receive a voicemail from my brother, calm at first, but then he screams at me for not putting gas in the car, and I get angry all over again. So, I try to remain calm and feel calm at mass, but I get back in my car and I have another message from him retriggering everything and making me think about all the "misery" I go through, and convince myself I can't go to California for my cousin's wedding (never been to their house) because I need to make more money to go back to school (parents said I need to make $2,000 to go back) so I need to work and I can't go to a Red Sox/Yankees game with a friend I haven't seen in a year. On the way home I'm wallowing in my sorrows, woe is me, etc. and I am calmly confronted by my family and my other brother mentions the lack of gas in my brother's car (which Idk if I did) and in a fit of anger, I chucked my phone to the ground, shattering it.
Now I can't go to the game because I need money to pay for my phone and my parents aren't letting my go out to California because they're afraid I'll have another incident out there, and they need my mom to stay home and watch me because I've made her think I'm suicidal, and I can't go back to school this fall.
I hate praise. I don't like attention and I embrace bitterness, loneliness and failure because that's all I'm used to. I want to hide from everything. I am told I'm a gifted writer and I was one of the best in class, so I wanted to swan dive off of a bridge in response to that. I don't want to be told that I have good hair, so I've thought about scalping myself to tell everybody buzz off.


Am I a bad person? My parents are so angry with me that they are telling me I'm a selfish bully. I probably am, but I just don't know how to cope with it. What do I do?

This isn't really the place to discuss these problems.  I'm not saying it is, but it does sound trollish.

When I am having bad times, I just remember to keep going to Mass and keep saying the rosary and hope that things will eventually get better. I had a period of about one year when things were going very bad and I was often in despair, but I got through it with the help of praying the rosary.

Sedevacantists and people who champion Most Holy Family Monastery.

I have such a troubled mind. I don't want praise because all I am comfortable with is being told no and that I am a failure. Despite being praised for my talents, I try to hide from it.
My way of dealing with my problems is to confront people with a screw you attitude. Like: think you're going to be able to punish me? I'll beat you to it! I'll do something bad so I'm already in trouble.
Tonight, I had a million thoughts racing through my head about all my failures, such as social interactions, which I am terrible at. Back in January I tried to ask out this one girl but her brother told me to back off, and my warped mind had me mocking him and sending him messages when he was drunk telling him he didn't have to worry about dating because he came from a good looking family. I asked him a day later if he thought I was creepy and he said my question was self answering, that he was blocking me on facebook (as his sister already did) and that I should stay away from him and his sister, which is wonderful because we all go to the same college and I'm running everywhere to make sure I don't cross them because I'm sure they think I'm the next Adam Lanza (Sandy Hook shooter). I asked one of my friends who was close with them to help patch this up and he said no, so I defriended him and blocked him on facebook as a way to say to him: screw you, I can beat you to it.
I tried to patch things up with him and his sister, and they seemed to accept my apology, but I stupidly asked the sister if she was willing to act in a film about a boy losing his love, or pass the idea on to other girls in her modeling agency, and she never got back to me. I asked the brother if he could contact my friend for me about re-accepting me back into his life and he replied: Don't contact me.
I feel stupid enough with all my social failures, and I had more failures tonight.
Over the last year and a half, I have suffered from severe OCD regarding scrupulosity and religion, and I've thought I was satanic and stuff like that after talking with anti-Catholic fundamentalists. Now whenever I pray and try to think of Jesus, I just see the devil every time. I decide to pray to the devil because I think he will say yes and Jesus will say no, despite me damning myself. This has led to me being withdrawn from school and being put on psychiatric medication. So imagine all this stress I'm enduring as I say rosary after rosary, go to confession after confession, only to be told by somebody that I'm wrong and I'm not attending the right church, or Catholicism is in apostasy since the Second Vatican Council and we need to go see sedevacantist priests and bishops (sedevacantist literally means: the Chair is Vacant [referring to the papacy]). I feel like Christ has abandoned me, since I have been in such despair, believing I have blasphemed the Holy Spirit after doubting if Jesus was the messiah and believed he might have been a trick of the devil... I feel so bad for writing that, but I have been in such agaony ever since January of 2012.
Then I receive a voicemail from my brother, calm at first, but then he screams at me for not putting gas in the car, and I get angry all over again. So, I try to remain calm and feel calm at mass, but I get back in my car and I have another message from him retriggering everything and making me think about all the "misery" I go through, and convince myself I can't go to California for my cousin's wedding (never been to their house) because I need to make more money to go back to school (parents said I need to make $2,000 to go back) so I need to work and I can't go to a Red Sox/Yankees game with a friend I haven't seen in a year. On the way home I'm wallowing in my sorrows, woe is me, etc. and I am calmly confronted by my family and my other brother mentions the lack of gas in my brother's car (which Idk if I did) and in a fit of anger, I chucked my phone to the ground, shattering it.
Now I can't go to the game because I need money to pay for my phone and my parents aren't letting my go out to California because they're afraid I'll have another incident out there, and they need my mom to stay home and watch me because I've made her think I'm suicidal, and I can't go back to school this fall.
I hate praise. I don't like attention and I embrace bitterness, loneliness and failure because that's all I'm used to. I want to hide from everything. I am told I'm a gifted writer and I was one of the best in class, so I wanted to swan dive off of a bridge in response to that. I don't want to be told that I have good hair, so I've thought about scalping myself to tell everybody buzz off.


Am I a bad person? My parents are so angry with me that they are telling me I'm a selfish bully. I probably am, but I just don't know how to cope with it. What do I do?

Just try thinking positively. If you get a thought about how you might be doing something wrong don't dwell on the fact that is wrong (if it is even wrong). Just tell yourself that everything is going to be OK, and that if whatever your doing is wrong you are going to change that about yourself. And if you have doubts about being able to do it then tell yourself that you ARE going to do it. Any kind of negative thought that runs across your mind should be countered with a more positive/productive thought. The devil wants you to beat yourself up for things whether they are right or wrong. You should not let the devil convince you that youa are unworthy because of something that you have done. Keep in mind that we are all sinners, and we all have things to work on. Just be thankful that you have come to realize something that you are doing that is wrong. Realizing is more than half the battle. A lot of people do some really bad things and don't realize what they are doing is very wrong...plus they don't feel bad about it. The fact that you are realizing things about yourself that MAY be wrong is a gift from God so that you may correct yourself and by correcting yourself you grow even closer to God.

As for the social experiences that you have shared...just think of it as a learning experience. We have all done some very embarassing things that we look back on and feel embarassed about. I know I fall into this trap every so often. You should just see yourself as a child of God that constantly learns as you move along in your life. Everybody has embarrassing moments and social experiences. If someone wants to put you down over something you have done then forget them. They are just playing along with what the devil is telling them to do to you. You were created by God to learn. And that is exactly what these social experiences are for. Its kind of like a baby bird learning to fly or a fawn taking its first steps. Its hard for them at first but they eventually get it.

If they are distressing to you, stay away if you know them IRL or the internet. Stay away from fundamentalist Protestants too as far as arguing theology with them. You can give them to the # of trad priest if they want to learn.

Can you ask your parents to reconsider letting you attend school part-time this fall if you worked full-time?

P.S. Check if you have any type of insurance on the phone, you parents may have to call if it's an additional line.

About that OCD. Try a natural supplement called inositol. Look it up.

It's basically a carbohydrate, tastes kind of like powder sugar. It's in foods, but concentrated it can help greatly with OCD. You'd need the bulk stuff as you need 18 grams a day.

Works better than all the pills out there, cheap too.

Sedevacantists and people who champion Most Holy Family Monastery.

Most Holy Family Monastery will be judged as harshly as they judge others, they give the sedevacantist position  a very bad name, just as bad as Vatican II ilk give a bad name to the word "Catholic".