This is tough. Really, tough. One issue is cost of living. If you live on one income, as we do, it is impossible to afford the high cost of housing in a large metropolitan area. Maybe some could pull it off, but my husband works in mental health. We would not be able to afford it. Also, are the big cities safe? I was just in Philadelphia where all the apartments had bars on the windows and doors. I can't imagine. I also can't imagine raising 7 or 10 children in an apartment with no safe place to play. That traffic through town is awful! Also, assuming you do live there, how far will you have to travel just to get to your trad parish? 20 or 30 miles? The cost of having a car in the city seems crazy. $300 a month just to park?
The suburbs are hard. And the rural areas are harder. There are few parishes and fewer trad Catholics. As far as I know, in my town of about 20,000 we are the only trad Catholic family here. However, up an hour from here, there are many trad Catholics and several options for Mass.
Just a note, our society is pretty much a pagan culture. It is hard for anyone to live and work in it, unless you live in seclusion. It's hard to raise our children without keeping them from everybody. So you do your best. Yes, I make some concessions with my girl's regarding shorts. When they are doing something physical, like playing soccer or bike riding, I let them wear shorts, but they must be knee length and there shirts are long enough to cover their behinds. When we go to town, they always wear dresses.
Also, when you homeschool, I think it is worth your while to check the laws in your state. It is very difficult here. You might also want to check out CYS laws.
Honestly, there are no perfect places for trads to live. Besides, will the sedes and SSPX and CMRI, and the independents try to get along anyway? I doubt it.
We live in a very dark time in the life of the Church. I think families have to find what works best for them considering all factors. I think, in these times, one is truly blessed to have access to the Sacraments every day. But that is not possible for everyone.
The time where we can live in nice little neighborhoods with a church on the corner is gone. We are back to the catecombs.
As for our family, we want to move to a farm, far away from everyone, so we can have our garden, a cow, a pig, hunt and fish as we please and be left alone to homeschool our kids. If we could only get to Mass once a month, then we would have to work through that.
So, I don't think there is a perfect place, or even a good place. You just have to find what works for you and consider all factors.