My grandmother's health is getting worse as time passes. I'm the only person in my family that assists in a Tridentine Latin Mass. Should I attend or not attend a novus ordo funeral? What if I'm asked to be a pallbearer? I don't ever want to attend a novus ordo mass again, but I don't want to hurt family members who will inevitably ask me to assist in the funeral/mass when the time comes for my grandma's funeral.  

The SSPX says that you can attend Novus Ordo funerals provided you don't participate. But being a pallbearer would be considered participating so you definitely shouldn't do that. I recommend asking a Traditional priest if possible.

What happened to filial piety?

Talk to her and spark memories of the true Mass (if she's old enough to remember). Perhaps, God willing, she will request her funeral Mass be the TLM. Or, even ask her if she will consider it.

prayers for her
 

The SSPX says that you can attend Novus Ordo funerals provided you don't participate. But being a pallbearer would be considered participating so you definitely shouldn't do that. I recommend asking a Traditional priest if possible.

A pallbearer is the one who helps carry the casket of the deceased from the religious/memorial service either directly to a cemetery or mausoleum, or to and from the hearse which carries the coffin. So you would be participating either before the N.O. Mass begins or after it ends. So there is no participation in the actual Mass.

This is your grandmother. If you are asked to be a pallbearer, you are carrying the body of your grandmother who is dear to you. Your carrying her casket has nothing to do with the N.O. Mass and whether you agree with the Mass or not. If carrying her casket before or after the Mass is considered participation in the Mass, then don't even attend her funeral at all because that would also be participation - if you are going to use that logic.

Charles suggestion is a good one. I would do that. And also make sure you give your grandmother a Brown Scapuar to wear that has been blessed by a priest and a blessed Green Scapular to put near her (or also wear). But the brown scapular is very important and it must be worn.

Talk to her and spark memories of the true Mass (if she's old enough to remember). Perhaps, God willing, she will request her funeral Mass be the TLM. Or, even ask her if she will consider it.

prayers for her
 

Thanks everyone for your input. I will ask my SSPX priest about it.

Charles, thank you for your prayers. Your idea is a good one, but the problem is her condition has deteriorated to the point where she barely talks; and when she does talk her communication is hardly intelligible, although not completely. She is in an assisted living home. Also, having a relatively extended conversation with her is not possible anymore because she soon seems to "tune out" after conversation has started.

I will still bring up the TLM to her, but there are some family members (aunt, uncles, brother and mom) that are somewhat manipulative, therefore even if she wanted to have her funeral at a TLM, I fear some family members would not allow it.  These same family members insisted on my grandma going to an assisted living home over 2 years ago, despite efforts by my sister and I to have her move in with my sister (in a different state). We felt this would be more healthy for her as she would have constant love and support from my sister and her family; and my grandmother could still feel as if she has a meaningful role in helping with her great grandchildren. This sense of purpose would have been good for her mentally, too. Whenever an elderly person loses purpose, significance and/or stimulation such as tasks, they tend to decline very rapidly which is exacerbated by a sense of loneliness.  This is exactly what happened to my grandmother as soon as she went into an assisted living home. Those places are a joke and a complete guarantee to a speedy decline for the resident/patient. She has physically deteriorated to the point of being confined to a chair, too.

I did have my mom bring her one of my Brown Scapulars (which was imposed by a priest on me), but when I went to visit her I discovered it taped to her bed's head panel. This was frustrating for me to see; and I asked my mom why she was not wearing it. I told her she is supposed to wear it, but my mom said the reason it's not around my grandmother's neck is for her safety - so it doesn't get tangled around her neck or strangle her. So I just left it alone, but I'm glad you brought up the Brown Scapular, because I'm going to insist she wear it now.

Thanks again for your input and prayers. Jesus Christ bless you and all of us and Blessed Mary pray for us. Amen.

Ascent