Catholic Info
Traditional Catholic Faith => General Discussion => Topic started by: Mhernandez on May 24, 2016, 08:06:13 PM
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Hello, my name is Manny, I go to a catholic high school as a senior. There is this girl I've known for the 3 years that I've been attending the catholic school that I have become very attracted to. It's not that that fake love that most teenagers get, but what real love is. I want to will the good for her, but she won't let me, she knows I like her, but she says she doesn't want to be in a relationship, which basically means she doesn't like me. I don't want to have a friendship of use or pleasure, but a virtuous friendship, but I don't even think she'll allow me that. I could really use someone's input, but like I said I do feel like I truly love this girl. Thank you and God bless!
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If you really do love this girl, pray the Rosary daily with her spiritual and physical well being as the intention.
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If you really do love this girl, pray the Rosary daily with her spiritual and physical well being as the intention.
I will try my best to do so. Thank you!
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Don't try and keep someone who doesn't want to keep you. She's made it clear she doesn't like you. Cash your chips and move onto other prospects. I understand it will be hard but that's your only option at this point. Contrary to what you are shown in the movies, you're not going to make her see the light with persistence.
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Don't try and keep someone who doesn't want to keep you. She's made it clear she doesn't like you. Cash your chips and move onto other prospects. I understand it will be hard but that's your only option at this point. Contrary to what you are shown in the movies, you're not going to make her see the light with persistence.
Yes, I think this is good advice.
Not every 1 male and 1 female are completely compatible. We haven't fallen victim to the world's propaganda that we're just a bunch of 100% physical animals, have we?
That's actually the fruit of watching too many Hollywood movies. The underlying assumption is that she's a female cat, and you are a male cat. If you can just buy the right gift, sing the right song at the right time, or rent the right service (swans in her front yard, sky-writing, a telegram, a mariachi band, etc.), or jump over the security cordons at the airport and run after her before she gets on the plane, you can get her permission to sleep with her, and then you're all set! Who needs psychological compatibility? It's all about the physical! The marriage might not last that long anyhow, right?
That's Hollywood nonsense.
But even if a person believed in atheism, evolution, and materialism, there is still the whole psychological realm -- how she grew up, what virtues she NEEDS in a man, what faults she almost feels comfortable with in a man (vs. what faults she wouldn't be able to stand), what makes her comfortable, etc. A lot of it has to do with her upbringing and/or her father.
For example, none of my siblings smoked, nor were any of us attracted to people who smoked, because that just wasn't done around our house. The point is that there are deal-breakers for most people, even if they couldn't easily list them. We're talking about innocent things here -- things you were born with, and things you can't help.
Some women just aren't attractive to a man, and vice versa. They just aren't a good match.
And we're not talking about Hollywood's notion of beauty either, the influence of pornography, the tendency for most men to want a "10" when it comes to women (being too picky), etc. That's a whole separate issue.
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I think a Catholic should make a movie with a woman and 2 men, with the protagonist being the man who doesn't end up with her -- and isn't a good match for her.
Paint the "rival" in the usual way, but then have him end up with the woman at the end. And show them 50 years later living happily ever after playing with their grandchildren :)
Maybe have this scene towards the end of the film: show the protagonist jumping the security cordon to try to convince the woman to go with him, and have TSA security shoot him dead. (This is 2016 -- 15 years after 9/11, after all!)
I think that would be hilarious, in a "funny because it's true" way.
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You should be focusing on developing your career not chasing girls. You aren't husband material yet and thank goodness she has sense enough to not encourage you.
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You should be focusing on developing your career not chasing girls. You aren't husband material yet and thank goodness she has sense enough to not encourage you.
This does apply to many single men today. They want to be married, they are physically mature enough, they are legally old enough, but in today's world they would not be able to leave their parents' home, rent/buy a place, and start AND SUPPORT a family. Either because they don't have a job, or they don't have a job that pays enough. (and by "enough" I mean more than minimum wage)
I'm not GGreg who says that you need to be rich, make $50,000 a year, or live a middle class lifestyle -- but you can't afford basic food and shelter for a family on minimum wage. Not in 2016.
And you certainly don't want to hope for a college-educated, successful woman who makes 2 or 3 times your minimum wage income to support you and your future family. Talk about destroying the household dynamic! She'd have to be in charge, since she was paying most of the bills. You certainly would have to walk on egg shells and be extra nice to her! Plus it's hard (read: impossible) to reverse roles on the child bearing. It would still have to be her, even though she is earning the household's income. So you could only have whatever children YOU (the man) are able to personally bear and give birth to.
Though I must say, for a man who is content with his station as unemployed/minimum wage employed while is wife somehow managed to get a nice career going ($30K, $40K or more per year), it would be fitting somehow if he could acquire a uterus and bear the children.
I mean, seriously! Why are so many colleges > 50% female? Why do so many women have better jobs than so many men? Why do women do so much better in school and the workforce? Is it because they are more mature and/or motivated? Is it because men are less mature and DEmotivated by having to compete with women, who often "win" in the competition?
Back to the topic --
It's hard to complain that God hasn't sent you a soulmate when you still aren't ready for her! What if he answered your prayers? This truly perfect girl for you might end up moving on because she can't wait years for you to get established, and THAT would drive you crazy! You'd be extremely frustrated at every week it took you to get established, and there might be 100 or more of those weeks. You'd be frustrated and at the point of desperation (bank robbery would seem more attractive than usual to you).
At least right now you don't know about your future "perfect girl"... that makes it easier to do what you need to do right now.
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Hello, my name is Manny, I go to a catholic high school as a senior. There is this girl I've known for the 3 years that I've been attending the catholic school that I have become very attracted to. It's not that that fake love that most teenagers get, but what real love is. I want to will the good for her, but she won't let me, she knows I like her, but she says she doesn't want to be in a relationship, which basically means she doesn't like me. I don't want to have a friendship of use or pleasure, but a virtuous friendship, but I don't even think she'll allow me that. I could really use someone's input, but like I said I do feel like I truly love this girl. Thank you and God bless!
Get a job or build a career. Be a man. Quit mooning over a girl.
Also, explain to your grammar teacher that you have not yet learned all you need to know: "There is this girl...."
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I agree that courtship should wait until you are able, or at least on the verge of being able to support a wife. You don't want a long relationship pre-marriage- it's just asking for trouble. Work on a plan for getting established, get established, and if she's still single after having done all of that (which will probably take a few years), then pursue her if you're still interested. If she's not interested, don't chase her around. You'll be an eligible bachelor at this point, there will be other fish in the sea. :)
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Yes, the world isn't fair in many ways (see the graphic below).
They have made it extremely difficult for a young man to get established. But that doesn't mean it's impossible! You just have to stay focused, develop the self-discipline to limit your recreation to 1 hour or less of "time killing" and "unwinding" before bed.
Where there's a will, there's a way. Again, countless women seem able to focus enough to graduate college with degrees, and find decent jobs. If a woman can do it, a man should be able to do it, right? You can't tell me the "power structures" in all businesses are matriarchies at this point. At best, it's mixed. I don't think you're going to get passed over just because you're a man, unless you're looking for work in a government agency or something (where affirmative action is an issue).
But a driven, motivated, man coursing with testosterone is not going to let Affirmative Action beat him. He'll start his own business, start several small businesses, or find some clever way to cobble together a living. He certainly won't live like a big, oversized 10 year old boy, playing all day. He will develop important, useful skills. His mind and faculties will be spent every day (at least 14 hours out of every 16 hour waking day) problem solving and overcoming obstacles, on his way to getting established.
Time is money. Unless you are a slave, then you are given 24 hours every day just like everyone else. That is one way we are all equal! There is always a way to turn time into money. Learn a useful skill. The library lends out books for free. And the Internet can teach you just about anything. Become an apprentice for someone. Start a website. Begin to get a trickle of advertising income. Mommies do this all the time with their Mommy/Homeschooling/Frugality blogs. You can sell things on eBay, such as "Box Tops for Education" and even toilet paper rolls. You can buy things at garage sales that are a steal of a deal and resell them on eBay. There are a million schemes like this.
There's really no excuse for a man sitting around all day listening to music, watching TV/Movies/Anime, playing video games, Cosplaying, writing/reading Fanfiction, etc. just because "There aren't any places hiring here in town, Mom! I tried." That's not going to get you anywhere -- not even in 10 or 20 years.
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Hello, my name is Manny, I go to a catholic high school as a senior. There is this girl I've known for the 3 years that I've been attending the catholic school that I have become very attracted to. It's not that that fake love that most teenagers get, but what real love is. I want to will the good for her, but she won't let me, she knows I like her, but she says she doesn't want to be in a relationship, which basically means she doesn't like me. I don't want to have a friendship of use or pleasure, but a virtuous friendship, but I don't even think she'll allow me that. I could really use someone's input, but like I said I do feel like I truly love this girl. Thank you and God bless!
Hi Manny...
Life is often a struggle...
There was a man who once asked me out, but soon made up his mind that we would not be a good couple, and wanted us to just have a good friendship. However, the tough thing is that friendships between men and women when one or the other once had a serious attachment are very difficult. I tried to remain as a friend to him for awhile, but eventually had to cut the bridge because it was too emotionally straining.
Be grateful that the girl does not give you false encouragement. Sometimes I wish that the man had done to me what she did for you. It is tough, but the best way to get over someone is by saying goodbye "cold turkey" but still being polite if you happen to see them in public.
I know that it might sound harsh, but you are young, and there are surely many other good Catholic girls who would love to have a solid Catholic man to be their spouse. So, work on setting yourself up for life and growing into the virtuous man that any girl would feel blessed to have as a spouse. Get a house, a solid job, and then continue your search for a good wife.
I shall offer some prayers for you...
Finally here is one last thing that has helped me a lot, hopefully it will help you also! :-)
TRUE LOVE IS ONLY FOUND IN AND THROUGH GOD
Treatise attributed to Saint Anthony
Everyone longs to give himself completely to someone –
To have a deep soul relationship with another.
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to the Christian, says,
“No, not until you are satisfied with living for Me
And have an intensely personal and unique relationship
With me alone.
I love you, My child,
And until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction,
You will not be capable of the perfect human relationship
That I have planned for you.
I want you to stop planning and stop wanting,
And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan ever existing –
One that you cannot even imagine.
I want you to have the best.
Please allow me to bring it to you –
Just keep watching Me,
Expecting the greatest things –
Keep experiencing that satisfaction in Me,
Knowing that I Am –
Keep learning from and listening to the things that I tell you.
You must wait.
Don’t be anxious.
Don’t worry…
Don’t look around at the things others have gained for themselves
Or that I have given them.
Don’t look at the things you want.
Just keep looking to Me
Or you will miss what I want to show you.
And then,
When you are ready,
I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful
Than any you would ever dream of.
You see, until you are ready,
(And even now I desire to have you both ready at the same time)
Until you are both satisfied with Me
You won’t be able to experience
The love that exemplifies your relationship with Me –
And thus is perfect love.
And, dear one,
I want you to have this most wonderful love
I want you to have in the flesh
A picture of your relationship with Me
And to enjoy the everlasting union of beauty and love.
I am God.
Believe and be satisfied.”
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My advise, first: she did not say that she did not like you. She said, no relationship at this time. Next, the best thing is to have a friendship, that is important, IF, she will agree to that. Will she accept written letters after graduation? Written is much better and more meaningful than texts and such. Don't do that. Just ask if she would accept letters. By asking more questions, then you will know if she has any openness at this point.
Just because you think she might not like you, don't let that get to you. My grandparents didn't like each other either, but they married.
Do keep yourself busy, never idle, prayerful life, most needed.
My husband and I were high school sweethearts and still are after 43 years and 4 children and grand children, now.
When you go your own ways and see the world for what it is, well, she just might take your offer, sometime. If she doesn't maybe God knows what is best for you. That is why prayer is so important to keep our eyes and heart open. God just might have someone else in mind. As you get older, you can thank God for helping you along.
I knew a couple in our high school and they dated for 3 years. He went Air Force and proposed to her. Both set of parents were happy, only to find out that the young lady said, NO. I am glad she did. Why? I knew she was not so nice, that she let him on that she liked him but she was using him for dances and prom and Queen of the ? He was very hurt. God bless him. He kept himself busy in Alaska hunting for bears and such.
So, keep it to prayers!!!
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Don't be a gamma male. Forget her. Build your confidence, and move on. Don't put her on a pedestal. If she's like most females in this country, she probably wants to ride the "man" carousel for 1.5 decades, and then piss and moan why she's dried up, has no children, and no one wants her.
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Hello, my name is Manny, I go to a catholic high school as a senior. There is this girl I've known for the 3 years that I've been attending the catholic school that I have become very attracted to. It's not that that fake love that most teenagers get, but what real love is. I want to will the good for her, but she won't let me, she knows I like her, but she says she doesn't want to be in a relationship, which basically means she doesn't like me. I don't want to have a friendship of use or pleasure, but a virtuous friendship, but I don't even think she'll allow me that. I could really use someone's input, but like I said I do feel like I truly love this girl. Thank you and God bless!
Mark is right! You really need to learn to write better (The above is full of mistakes - can you recognise them?) if you are going to be successful and also to be able to help any future children. Concentrate on your education to improve your chances. Your changed emphases may even make you more attractive to your desired girl. The more you chase her the more you'll turn her off you. Change your priorities.
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Maybe English is not his first language! Be nice! We don't know his situation. Maybe he is entering the armed forces, is part of a family business, or has family support while he attends college. His motives are good and holy. In this economy marrying without a good job is the only option for many.
If we Catholics had sense we would be making sure young men with good intentions had employment to support a family and also help them buy a home.
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I mean no unkindness. But Mh tells us he has had 3 years of high school. I would have thought that one should know how to write clear and grammatically correct sentences after three years. The ability to think logically goes along with the ability to write logically and vice versa. Thinking logically is important for this young man.
No doubt the standard of literacy has dropped in general, but it is so important in this age when it may be necessary to supply your own children with a decent education. It's a matter of thinking wisely towards the future, and giving attention to his first responsibility so he will be better fitted to fulfil his resposibilities in life.