Newchurch Rolls out Its Presbyter of the Future:
Robo-presbyter Is Bisexual, Emits Blessings, and May Simulate a Novus Ordo MessFrom: The TRADITIO Fathers
A Desperate Newchurch, Which Cannot Attract Men
To Its Newseminaries to Study for the Newpresbyterate
Has Unveiled a Possible Solution: Robo-presbyter, aka BlessU-2
The Robot Can Perform Blessings in a Bisexual Mode
Plans Are Probably Already Underway in Newchurch
To Develop Robo-Presbyter to Stimulate an Invalid Novus Ordo Mess
As The Ranks Of The Newchurch Clergy Are Rapidly Dying Off
With Only a Few Men Interested in Subjecting Themselves
To The Sodomies and Heresies Going on in Newchurch Seminaries
The Newchurch of the New Order, which is so despised that it can attract only a handful of men who want to become invalid presbyters, has come up with a possible solution -- we kid you not -- robo-presbyters! On May 31, 2017, Robo-presbyter, also known as BlessU-2, was unveiled in Wittenberg, Germany. The robot hands out blessings via a touchscreen and delivers words ?inspired by God? in five different languages, in a male or female voice. Thus, Newchurch has overcome the problem of presbyteresses (priestesses): Robo-presbyter is bisexual.
The Newchurcher simply selects the blessing that he wants on Robo-presbyter's touch screen, and the machine will raise its hands in blessing, emit light from its hands as it asks God's face to "shine upon you" and "show you mercy," while its mouth moves and its eyes rotate. After the blessing is completed, the Newchurcher has the option to print a receipt of the blessing his personal records. [Some information for this Commentary was contributed by the U.K. Sun
.]True Catholics, weird as this sounds, there have been Newchurch apps issue already for the Novus Ordo unsacrament of "reconciliation." Plans are probably already underway in Newchurch to develop Robo-presbyter to stimulate an invalid Novus Ordo Mess. Lord knows, Newchurch is going to need something like this, as the ranks of the Newchurch clergy are rapidly dying off with only a few men interested in subjecting themselves to the sodomies and heresies going on in Newchurch seminaries.