Author Topic: 12 year old boy found masturbating. Help!!! (Read 6022 times)

tradlover · « **on:** March 28, 2011, 07:17:08 PM »

I found this on another forum. What would you do if this were to happen to your kid?

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I found my 12 year old boy masturbating in the bathroom. I caught him red handed in the act. I am distraught. What should I do? I went into the bathroom thinking that no one was there and there he was masturbating. I did not say anything to him but he was visibly embarassed and he left the bathroom.I was too shocked to say anything to him. What do I do?

s2srea · « **Reply #1 on:** March 28, 2011, 07:26:03 PM »

Hi tradlover. Here's my 2 cents:

First of all, this is an embarrassing experience for both of you I'm sure. If it was my child, I would want to accomplish a few things. Of course, we would want him to understand that this is a sin in the eyes of God- but perhaps most importantly, explain: WHY!

Don't go off and match the cliche' of he's going to hell for it and that's that. Yes- explain that it is a sin that can send him there, but don't forget to explain, WHY! You can let him know that it may feel good, but it offends God because it is not what he designed men to do. Maybe give him some examples of saints (Francis of Assisi jumping in cold water and Bosco's words come to mind) and what their words and works were.

I guess that I'm trying to say, explain its common for all boys to go through this, but to become a man who can control himself and be chaste for his state in life, is a much better and nobler goal and ambition. Don't try to scare or guilt him out of it, or it may have negative consequences psychologically.

I don't know how much I'm in line with Catholic teaching on this, so of course, consulting your priest is the best advice .

Jitpring · « **Reply #2 on:** March 28, 2011, 07:44:24 PM »

Quote from: tradlover

I found this on another forum. What would you do if this were to happen to your kid?

------------------------------------------------------------
I found my 12 year old boy masturbating in the bathroom. I caught him red handed in the act. I am distraught. What should I do? I went into the bathroom thinking that no one was there and there he was masturbating. I did not say anything to him but he was visibly embarassed and he left the bathroom.I was too shocked to say anything to him. What do I do?

Listen to all of these with him:

Sermons on Purity

tradlover · « **Reply #3 on:** March 28, 2011, 08:42:14 PM »

The father added this to his explanation.

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I tried to explain it to him that it is a sin to masturbate but his religious convictions are not so great and insists that he will keep doing it and that he heard on the internet that it is healthy.

What do I do? He did not believe me.

Is he going to go to Hell for this?

Jehanne · « **Reply #4 on:** March 28, 2011, 09:20:23 PM »

No, I do not believe that he is going to Hell, but I could not guarantee it. The sin of masturbation can, I believe, be either venial or mortal. Certainly, saying that "it's okay; everybody is doing it" (the latter may be close to being true) is heresy, plain and simple. That is a mortal sin.

While teenage boys (as well as adults) struggle with this does not change the fact that it is sinful. Objective moral values exist, so what is sinful is sinful, regardless if "everybody's doing it." Ultimately, what is, is.

One solution to this problem (other than marriage) is fasting, but I do not think that it is something that could be recommended to a 12-year old. I would say, "Look, it is immoral, so don't do it, but if you do it, keep it to yourself, but never neglect to mention it in confession."

Hobbledehoy · « **Reply #5 on:** March 28, 2011, 09:22:32 PM »

Quote from: tradlover

I tried to explain it to him that it is a sin to masturbate but his religious convictions are not so great and insists that he will keep doing it and that he heard on the internet that it is healthy.

Some may say, "Human persons are endowed with certain parts whose sole purpose was to engage in the act of procreation within the confines of sacred wedlock. God has willed it to be so." But a child may be inquisitive and ask the ever-repeating "Why!?" and dismiss all arguments, demonstrations and proofs pertaining to moral theology, ethics, the teachings of theologians and the Saints and of the Popes, thinking that God somehow arbitrarily told us to do something and to not do other things. A parents has to be able to answer thoroughly the questions the child may have in such a way that he has no further doubt.

The way I was schooled as a lad, regarding matters pertaining to human sɛҳuąƖity, was by a conversations similar to the following:

"Hey, tell me: do you wear your shoes as gloves?"

"Uh, no. That's dumb"

"Well, then tell me: do you wear your gloves as shoes?"

"What! No, that's dumb."

"Why is it dumb."

"Because shoes are meant for feet and gloves for hands."

"So, you could do it. Why not then?"

"Because it'll look dumb."

"Because it's not what they were designed for, right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"So, human sɛҳuąƖity was meant to be for procreation, and to use it any other way would be using it against its intended purpose. Yeah, you could use it for fun or whatever, but that doesn't mean you should. Just like you could put your shoes on your hands and stretch out your gloves on your feet and walk to the Post Office, but you don't because it's 'dumb,' so a man should not be messing around with this stuff."

The next argument was similar to this one

"Can you picture a triangle with four corners?"

"Yeah"

"Really? You sure it's not a square or rectangle?"

"Well yeah, now that you call it that."

"Why can't there be four-cornered triangles?"

"Because then it would be a rectangle."

"Why?"

"Uh, because that's just the way things are, I guess"

"Well there you go. Natural law teaches us not to abuse sɛҳuąƖity because that's just the way things are. The triangle with four corners, or the circle of 213 degrees, these are forbidden by the rules, not because someone had the whim to have things this way. 'That's just the way things are.' God promulgated natural law not because of some whim of His, but because 'that's just the way things are,' that's just what we are as humans. We have it ingrained in our conscience that such things are bad. Or else, how come people are ashamed when they abuse sɛҳuąƖity?"

"But look at the TV, that's just not the way things are. Why?"

"Because God created man with free will. We are the only creatures who can mess the world up. Do you think birds beat other birds up just for the fun of it, or bears commit arson, or turtles vote Democrat? Only we are stupid enough to do that kind of stuff. A real man doesn't settle for the world as it is, he fights for a world where things are the way they should be."

So, that's a glimpse of the way the talk went with me. Every child is different, and the parents needs to adapt his explanation to the intellectual and moral aptitude of the child.

Ultimately, prayer is the answer. Particularly instilling a life of prayer in the child from the beginning, that he may discern and fight temptation when it presents itself.

gladius_veritatis · « **Reply #6 on:** March 28, 2011, 10:01:54 PM »

Quote from: tradlover

What would you do if this were to happen to your kid?

Castrate him

Jehanne · « **Reply #7 on:** March 29, 2011, 07:17:22 AM »

That was, I believe, the whole idea behind circuмcision during the Victoria era.

Raoul76 · « **Reply #8 on:** March 29, 2011, 08:26:08 AM »

Jehanne said:

Quote

The sin of masturbation can, I believe, be either venial or mortal.

It's always mortal, unless the kid somehow doesn't know it's a sin. Even then, though you'd have to check with a priest, I'm guessing it's one of those sins that, once past the age of reason, we all know is sin, or are expected to know.

The kid in the above story doesn't appear to be Catholic, so he's just doing what almost all other pagans do. If he is Catholic, he knows it's mortal sin. If this doesn't stop him, well...

gladius_veritatis · « **Reply #9 on:** March 29, 2011, 08:59:10 AM »

It is against nature in a radical way; end of story.

Jehanne · « **Reply #10 on:** March 29, 2011, 09:12:09 AM »

Quote from: Raoul76

Jehanne said:
Quote
The sin of masturbation can, I believe, be either venial or mortal.

It's always mortal, unless the kid somehow doesn't know it's a sin. Even then, though you'd have to check with a priest, I'm guessing it's one of those sins that, once past the age of reason, we all know is sin, or are expected to know.

The kid in the above story doesn't appear to be Catholic, so he's just doing what almost all other pagans do. If he is Catholic, he knows it's mortal sin. If this doesn't stop him, well...

I do not believe that you can say that it is always mortal, especially with teenage boys. I am not saying that they "cannot help themselves," but teenage hormones can be a mild form of "meth," and for many young men, the "urge" is difficult to control. Besides, in our culture, we are marrying late and are expecting young men to be completely chaste when they are "at their peak." In the Middle Ages, it was not at all uncommon to marry in one's late teens. And then, there's the issue of "women's lib."

Raoul76 · « **Reply #11 on:** March 29, 2011, 09:48:18 AM »

What on Earth? Masturbation is always a mortal sin! The only exception, and I'm not even sure about this, is if perhaps the kid doesn't know, he was improperly taught, but it's hard for me to imagine that happening in trad circles.

Just because there is more pressure on young men today and perhaps more temptation doesn't make masturbation less of a sin.

Luckily for them penance is less harsh than it used to be, so they can confess and try again until God perfects them and they overcome their offensive habit.

I grew up thinking that boys "had" to do this, and was surprised how easy it was to overcome it with grace. It is a huge falsehood that self-abuse is somehow an irresistible impulse. This is to encourage people in their weakness, instead of to teach them to trust in God's grace. Of course, I know you're not saying that.

tradlover · « **Reply #12 on:** March 29, 2011, 09:54:07 AM »

Quote from: Raoul76

Jehanne said:
Quote
The sin of masturbation can, I believe, be either venial or mortal.

It's always mortal, unless the kid somehow doesn't know it's a sin. Even then, though you'd have to check with a priest, I'm guessing it's one of those sins that, once past the age of reason, we all know is sin, or are expected to know.

The kid in the above story doesn't appear to be Catholic, so he's just doing what almost all other pagans do. If he is Catholic, he knows it's mortal sin. If this doesn't stop him, well...

He is Catholic

Jitpring · « **Reply #13 on:** March 29, 2011, 09:57:59 AM »

Just listen:

http://www.audiosancto.org/categories/purity.php

It's all laid out there.

tradlover · « **Reply #14 on:** March 29, 2011, 10:22:15 AM »

Do kids in Trad circles do this? If so, how are they caught? I guess they have to go to Confession pronto.