To hell with your unconvincing denials. What you "believe" is precisely the problem. Objectively you have habitually lied. When you have been inescapably caught in your lies, you have piled on other lies (not remembering, don't believe, "paraphrasing," words as "prudential silence," etc.) and ineffectually attempted to deflect into tangents, false piety, and complete non-sequiturs.
Since you have been challenged, your mask has been cracking. Your demons are starting to show and the stench of them is unbearable.
Your defense of your blasphemy against the Mother of God is quite revealing and quite despicable.
Seek a holy exorcist.