Converted Trump Now Running for Pope Featured

Written by  Chris Jackson | Remnant Columnist

Feb. 18, 2016

Donald Trump - Next Pope? Donald Trump - Next Pope?

In shocking news first reported a week ago, businessman Donald Trump has converted to Catholicism and has now declared his candidacy for Pope. Today's announcement coincides with critical statements Pope Francis made about Mr. Trump not being a Christian. Mr. Trump just held a rally outside of New York City. Although video is not available, A-CNN has just acquired the audio transcript which we are providing below:

Thank you….thank you. You know, when I first started this campaign, people didn’t believe me. First they said, he’s not converting, he’ll never convert. Then I converted. Then they said, he’ll never get baptized, he won’t want the water to mess up his hair. But then I got baptized. Then they said he won’t get confirmed, and I got confirmed. And then they said he’d never run for pope. Well here I am, and I’m running for Pope; and I’m doing very well I must say.

(Cheers, applause)

I don’t have to do this, when you think about it. I really don’t. I’m rich. I’m really, really, rich. I built a great company; a tremendous company. I employ thousands and thousands of people. So my friends, they ask me, they say Donald, you have everything you can dream of. You’re rich, you have an amazing wife, an amazing family, you’re very successful, why run for Pope? And I say, you know what? I have to run. My Church needs me. The Catholics need me. I have to make the Catholic Church great again. I have to.

(Cheers, applause)

You know, it’s a sad thing to say, but the Church is in such bad shape; terrible shape under Francis. The Catholic Church doesn’t win anymore. We just don’t. When is the last time Catholics won anything? Lepanto? When was that, the 1500’s? We don’t win anymore. But, let me just say, Under a Trump papacy, we are going to win again. We are going to win so much. We are going to win so much you are all going to be sick of winning, ok? But right now, it’s terrible. Just the other day, I see the Pope is praising Martin Luther. Martin Luther! Can you believe it?

(Boos)

Our Pope is over there praising Martin Luther; meanwhile millions of Hispanics are converting to Protestantism in Latin America. It’s true. We are losing millions and millions of people to the Protestants and our Pope does nothing. He does nothing. And I have nothing against the Protestants. Many of them are good people. I employ thousands of Protestants. I used to be a Protestant. But their leaders are just too smart for our leaders. We have people in power in the Church today who have no idea what they are doing. They are incompetent. All our leaders do is “dialogue.” We don’t convert anymore, we “dialogue.” What the hell is dialogue? Excuse me, but shouldn’t we be converting these people? If we have the Truth, why aren’t we converting them? But we don’t convert, we “dialogue”, and we lose millions and millions of these people to Protestantism. They are saying if the head of the Catholic Church thinks it’s ok to be Protestant, why convert? Why do we need to convert? Let him convert. Let the Pope convert. That’s what they’re saying. They’re laughing at us. There is no respect there. No respect. When I’m Pope, they are going to respect us again, let me tell you.

(Cheers, applause)

Another thing I hear a lot about is 2 Vatican. Have you heard of 2 Vatican?

(Crowd yells “Vatican II!”)

Vatican II? Is it Vatican II? Vatican II, 2 Vatican, who the hell cares. It stinks right? No matter what you call it, it stinks.

(Cheers, applause)

I was just looking at the numbers the other day, folks. Before Vatican II – tens of thousands of vocations to the priesthood and religious life in this country, thousands of baptisms, first communions, confirmations. Thousands and thousands of converts. Catholic universities all over the place, and I mean real Catholic universities, not the universities today that call themselves Catholic. Tens of thousands of Catholic schools with all kinds of nuns. There were so many priests the parishes were overflowing, ok? You couldn’t walk down your street without bumping into a priest, that’s how many of them there were. The Faith was exploding, it was really amazing, it was unbelievable. And then…. You have Vatican II.

(Boos)

Then you have Vatican II and they change everything. They change everything! You have the best Church in centuries, a flourishing Church, a vibrant Church, a converting Church, and they change everything. Now how stupid is this? How stupid?

(Boos)

You know people try to criticize me and they say I speak too plain and too simple. Look, I have a great education, I finished top of my class at the Wharton School of Finance, the top school in the country. I have a huge vocabulary. It’s huge. It really is. But when I see something like this, there really is no other word for it. I have to call it stupid. Because it is. It’s stupid. There’s no other word for it.

(Cheers, applause)

trump

So they’re succeeding. The Church is succeeding, and they change everything. So then they say in Vatican II that the priests aren’t really the priests. I mean, we’re all priests, right? Isn’t that what Martin Luther said? We’re all priests? The Pope’s buddy, Martin Luther?

(Boos)

Then they try to say, oh but there’s a difference. The priests in the collars, if they even wear collars anymore. I saw a priest the other day; he was in a turtleneck and a cardigan. He looked like Mr. Rogers. Who the hell wants a priest that looks like Mr. Rogers? Who wants that? I don’t know. Anyway…so the priests in the collars can say the Mass and they can hear the confessions, but in every other way, we’re all priests. Men, women, kids, maybe even Muslims. I don’t know, can Muslims be priests under Vatican II? I have no idea. I wouldn’t be surprised folks, I wouldn’t be surprised. It’s crazy.

(Boos)

So then they say we’re all priests and what happens to the priesthood? Plummets. Numbers go through the floor. Why be a priest if everyone can be a priest? Makes no sense. So now, if you’re a priest you can do what? Consecrate and absolve, right? Consecrate and absolve. So what do they do? Now they have “Communion Services.” They call them “Communion Services” ever heard of that?

(Boos)

The priest consecrates a bunch of hosts and then a layperson, usually a woman up at the altar in a pantsuit. Probably Hillary. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were Hillary.

(Laughter)

You ever notice today that all the nuns dress like Hillary? When did that happen? When did nuns start dressing like Hillary? It’s scary. It’s really scary. Anyway, you have some layperson up there and they read the Gospel and say some words and do this and that and then they hand out the Communion that the priest already consecrated. The priest isn’t even there, he just consecrated the hosts. So in other words, he’s disposable. But then they’ll say, but he can hear confessions. He can hear confessions, but who goes to confession? Who goes to confession nowadays? When the Pope says “Who Am I to Judge” who goes to confession?

(Boos)

It’s all about mercy now. The year of mercy. God has forgiven you. So nobody goes to confession. And it makes sense, quite frankly. If I’m already forgiven, why do I need to go to confession, right? So then the priest numbers drop through the floor. No vocations. We had tens of thousands of vocations before Vatican II and now no vocations. And then they say, well we have no vocations, so we need to allow married priests and women priests, and maybe even Protestant priests. Have you ever heard of Protestant priests? Why not? We want to be inclusive, right? Don’t we want to be inclusive? Ridiculous, it’s just ridiculous.

(Boos)

That is why when I’m Pope we are going to make the priesthood great again.

(Cheers, applause)

We are going to make the priesthood so exclusive. I tell you. So exclusive and so special, you have no idea. We are going to have the best priests, the brightest priests. They will be lining up to enter the seminaries. And the seminaries will be the best seminaries, let me just tell you. No more dopey professors. The seminaries are a mess today, they’re a disgrace. You might as well have Bernie Sanders running our seminaries that’s how bad they are. They’re filled with dopey professors from the 60’s. Their brains are burnt from whatever they smoked. Who knows what they smoked back then, God only knows what they smoked. But they’ll be gone, I promise you, they’ll be gone.

(Cheers, applause)

They will be gone and the priesthood will be great once again. I will make the priesthood so exclusive. And you know how I’m going to do this? By building a rail. By building a great big beautiful altar rail in every single Catholic Church, that’s how.

(Cheers, applause)

A big beautiful altar rail separating laypeople like you and me from the priests. Of course, I’ll be on the other side of the rail, because I’ll be Pope, but you understand.

(Laughter)

We have to build a rail because we cannot let anyone and everyone into the priesthood and we can’t diminish the priesthood. We want the best and brightest priests and to do that we need to make the priesthood great again. The priesthood isn’t great today. Our priests aren’t respected today. They are laughing stocks. I saw one the other day he was actually riding something during Mass. I had to ask my friend, I said what is he riding? He said, a hover board. I said what the hell is a hover board? Under a Trump Papacy, you ride a hover board during Mass you can keep riding it right out the door because that’s the last time you’re going to be allowed in.

(Cheers, applause)

So I’m going to build a rail. A big beautiful altar rail separating the priests, the true priests, the real priests, the priests with the cassocks and the collars and the vestments, from the laity. Because it’s not the same, folks. It’s not the same. Priests are priests and lay people are lay people. No more confusion. No confusion. The priests are the ones sacrificing to God on our behalf; we merely assist the priest as he offers the sacrifice.

(Applause)

That’s right. You know where I read that? Do you want to know where I read that? It’s a book called Trent. I’m a big believer in Trent.

(Wild cheers, applause)

I’m a huge believer in Trent. Trent is fantastic. You know, I wrote a best-seller. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it, it’s called The Art of the Deal, have you heard of it?

(Cheers, applause)

You’ve heard of it. Ok. I wrote the Art of the Deal and it was one of the best selling business books of all time. I used to say THE best selling business book of all time, but now I say ONE of the best selling business books of all time, because if I’m off by one or two books the media starts busting my chops. So who the hell knows, but it was one of the best selling business books of all time. I have copies in the back, by the way, if you want to buy a copy. Anyway, the Art of the Deal is my second favorite book of all time, but Trent? Trent is my favorite. Trent is number one. I’m a big believer in Trent, ok?

(Cheers, applause) ... to read the rest, click the link below


http://a-cnn.com/index.php/articles/item/2027-trump-becomes-catholic-now-running-for-pope

The author has certainly tapped into Trump-speak here, but I think this could be much better.

One suggestion -- Trump's plan for his altar rail should be to have the Protestants pay for it by severely taxing those Catholics who often attend the Protestant Mega Church, but then show up when they have a baby or their child is old enough for First Communion. Sound too complicated? You're right, we'll just put a hefty tax on ALL Sacraments--especially those of former Protestants--and keep telling the world that the Protestants are paying for the rail.

You might be going too far with that, explaining how the Prots will pay for the rail.  Because Trump has said many times that he'll build a big, beautiful wall, and the Mexicans will pay for it;  but as often as he's asked he never goes into any specifics as to HOW he'll get the Mexicans to pay for it.

This is one of only a few issues he addresses in some detail on his website.

After reading through it, my general impression was that he'd take his cut from any and every monetary source having to do with Mexico, unless, of course, they're willing to just cut a check outright.

- impound all remittance payments derived from illegal wages
- increase fees on all temporary visas issued to Mexican CEOs and diplomats (and if necessary cancel them)
- increase fees on all border crossing cards – of which we issue about 1 million to Mexican nationals each year (a major source of visa overstays)
- increase fees on all NAFTA worker visas from Mexico (another major source of overstays)
- increase fees at ports of entry to the United States from Mexico

The first one is the closest to directly targeting the issue, but if you can't prevent people from obtaining illegal wages, how are you going to catch the money as its passed in to Mexico?

My comparison might need some fine tuning, but I don't think the general idea is that far off.

Why should he give away his business plan for free?

Because he wants people to vote for him and there are still plenty who'd like a little more substance than just talking points.