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Thank you for sharing your story, Maria Regina.

Those years were so destructive of all that was good and holy in religious life. It was a blessing to come away WITH the Faith intact. That is one thing to be thankful to God for. There were a lot of evil people doing their best to destroy (wolves in sheep's clothing), and there were many naive and trusting souls who were at their "mercy". Nowadays we have the benefit of hindsight, but few had the insight to know what was happening. And it did come as a shock.

As you describe the reactions of some of those postulants, they could not have had true vocations. A postulancy has that purpose surely, to weed out those who are not suited to the religious life. but... "You cannot take the convent out of" you for the simple reason that you truly had/ve a vocation. This vocation never goes away. Someone very close to me is in a similar quandary - unable to carry on in the situation that prevailed. I have also known older women who were forced to leave convents and they dealt in different ways. One became a consecrated virgin living in society. The problem is a lack of community life and thus support. Another sincere but deceived dear friend muddled through talking about the renewal and her responsibility to be part of it, right up until her death.

I would say to try not to dwell on all those dreadful things you went through, like Buddhist retreats and the like, though they may loom large. To treat them in the manner they should be treated is to dismiss and replace them somehow. But how?

Do you have responsibilities in the world nowaday?