On the surface you appear to be a hopeless case Stubborn. Thank God there is a God because He can do miracles. It will take a little humility on your part though. To start it would help if you could respect one of the greatest pre-V2 Catholic theologians of the 20th century and also doubt yourself rather than Aquinas, Bellarmine, Liquori, Pius IX and Pius XII. That would be a key step, from there I believe God would do the rest if you let Him.