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Even though your post grieves me to the heart, it also rejoices me because I often wonder how many Muslims would convert to Catholicism if they weren't so violently persecuted. Indeed, the measures of persecution are so incomprehensibly violent precisely because a mass conversion is simmering just under the societal surface. I do believe that.

It seems to me that you live in a state of perpetual extremis, and that would justify your being baptized by someone other than a priest. If you know anyone whom you can trust and who is willing, you may be baptized this way. All you need are pure water, the correct formula, and the intention of the minister to do what the Church does.

Now the title of your thread is interesting. Consider that you are suffering terrible persecution at the hands of the Church's enemies, pursuant to two agencies. One is that of her declared enemies from outside of Her, and the other is that of wolves in sheep's clothing who profess to be a part of Her, and are not. 

Temptations against Faith are real. Disappointment in God and in the Church are always lurking at the doors, awaiting opportunities to enter the citadel of the soul.

It is good to take consideration within yourself, in order that you might recognize the mighty operation of grace within you. The Lord Jesus said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you." This is literally true in every Catholic soul, yet how much more profoundly in a soul subjected to your particular dangers and miseries? That you carry the Faith in your earthen vessel and in your heart is a true miracle of extraordinary grace. Take consolation from that.

St. Peter says that, you, "by the power of God, are kept by faith unto salvation, ready to be revealed in the last time. Wherein you shall greatly rejoice, if now you must be for a little time made sorrowful in divers temptations: That the trial of your faith (much more precious than gold which is tried by the fire) may be found unto praise and glory and honour at the appearing of Jesus Christ: Whom having not seen, you love: in Whom also now, though you see Him not, you believe: and believing shall rejoice with joy unspeakable and glorified; Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your soul."

Analogously, you see not the Church, but you love Her, you believe in Her. Perseverance in this belief has a reward - the salvation of your soul, and a joy unspeakable and glorified.

The Lord Jesus said, "Blessed are they who believe without seeing." Even we western Catholics, who are free to follow Christ in public (so far), are tempted to desolation because of what has happened to Holy Mother Church. Though we are physically free, we cannot see Her either, except interiorly. Many in the west who have remained free, nevertheless abandoned Christ and the Church, because they could not take the persecution flowing out of the anti-council of the 1960's. They could learn a great lesson from you.

Get baptized, and prepare for your death. And for all the time remaining to you, persevere. I say to you that you will obtain the grace of final perseverance from the Blessed Virgin Mary. Be intensely devoted to Her Rosary - all 15 Decades, every single day. You can pray it in the secret of your heart, and it will bud forth into a veritable fountain of living water, as long as you are faithful to this practice.

Thank you, Pray for me.