Tell us how the children survived this mess, if you feel comfortable doing so.

Did they stay with the father? How old were they when the family was torn apart? Are they good Catholics presently?

I don't know really.  She has full custody now that he's gone, and they're not being raised Catholic, that's for sure.  But their father made the First Saturdays with them, so in the end Our Lady will come back for them.  When they get to adulthood, we extended familiy will makes sure to intervene, tell them about their father, and try to bring them back to the Church.  This woman is so spiteful and always playing games, suing every time someone looks at her funny, so we don't maintain a lot of contact ... not that she would allow us to talk to the kids anyway.  Their father left the life insurance proceeds for them in a trust account, so when they turn 18, we, the trustees, will be back in touch with them to deal with the money situation.

I don't know really.  She has full custody now that he's gone, and they're not being raised Catholic, that's for sure.  But their father made the First Saturdays with them, so in the end Our Lady will come back for them.  When they get to adulthood, we extended familiy will makes sure to intervene, tell them about their father, and try to bring them back to the Church.  This woman is so spiteful and always playing games, suing every time someone looks at her funny, so we don't maintain a lot of contact ... not that she would allow us to talk to the kids anyway.  Their father left the life insurance proceeds for them in a trust account, so when they turn 18, we, the trustees, will be back in touch with them to deal with the money situation.

Thank you.

The children are always the ones who suffer the most when marriages fail.

Most of what you wrote isn't unreasonable, other than what I wrote in bold there.  It shouldn't be required that a husband have enough money to send kids to college.  In fact, if a couple accept all the children God sends them, they could end up with 10+ children, and paying for college for 10 kids isn't reasonable.  Not only that, but college isn't for everyone.  I have a son who absolutely hates school ... and the world also needs people who practice various trades (though he wants to go into law enforcement).

In addition, women should generally avoid college ... except possibly to get degrees in jobs that are suited to the female temperament, such as teaching (younger children especially) and nursing.  But even with nursing, there are programs out there that don't require a 4-year degree.

I'll give you an example.  I have two daughters who are going into nursing.  1 is in a four-year program, the standard BSN program.  1 went to a State College (Community College).  So, while the 1 in the 4-year program is plodding around with absolutely nothing to show for it, where if she dropped out after 3.5 years of the 4, she'd walk away with nothing she could get a job with, the 1 in the State College got an LPN degree after 1 year of coursework, and is making $70,000 per year (after 1 year of college).  So in the 3 years that she finished earlier than the 1 in the 4-year program, she can put away $150,000 after taxes (since she's living at home and has no bills/expenses).  Meanwhile the 1 in the 4-year program will probably leave with about $25,000 of debt after 4 years (she received some large scholarships, so her expenses aren't huge).  So, at the end of the 4-years, that's a $175,000 swing, almost enough to buy a home outright.  Meanwhile, the 1 with the LPN can not only put enough away in 4 years to at least buy a nice condo outright, but she's taking classes on the side and should have her RN within the next 4 years anyway.  Without getting into too much detail, don't buy the hype.  College is 90% a scam, except for in fields where a degree is absolutely required (limited to fields like teaching).  I've been a computer programmer for 30 years, and I do not have a Computer Science degree (and I'm at the top of my field here, with the title of "Architect").  College is a scam where in 4 years and 40 classes, you'll take maybe 10 of the 40 in your Major, and the other 30 (75%) are in garbage "core curriculum" that have no other benefit than to keep a bunch of Leftist Liberal Arts professors employed who would otherwise be bagging groceries at their local Walmart.

When I meant college I didn't mean gender studies, I meant real jobs that require a degree. I agree that college is a scam 90% of the time, but what I was trying to say is that I just want me and my future potential husband to be ready for the future. I don't know about other women, but for myself, I just hate the thought of my kids struggling financially.

Ever wonder why God designed humans the way he did? Both males and females? Between young male libido, and female not wanting to be alone, men and women are *driven* to want to spend time together. And then there's the infatuation or excitement a couple experiences when they first meet. What is that for?

It's so marriages happen.

Marriage is not a rational thing. Marriage is such a grave obligation with serious risks to your life and long term happiness -- the more a person thinks about it, the more he worries, calculates, the less he's going to be inclined to get married. Yes you want to TRY to be rational and choose a good spouse -- but when you finally decide to get married, it will be that 1% or 10% of your personality that's "crazy" or "YOLO" speaking -- NOT your rational side.

EVEN IF IT TURNS OUT TO BE A GOOD CHOICE. You were still crazy, at least a little, to get married. So everyone who gets married is crazy, but that's OK.

Along these same lines, you don't really *know* your spouse when you marry them, even if you courted for a year. It's more like getting your ham radio license. It shows you know the bare basics, but now you have your "license to learn". You want to make sure they're not an hopeless bum, narcissist, prima donna, libertine, etc. but beyond that -- have fun getting to know your spouse for real after marriage! That's why marriage is a lifelong contract. It only works in the long haul. It's not a short term relationship, *by nature*.

Speak with those who have been married for a couple decades; they'll give you some perspective.

(P.S. Everything I said above only applies to those practicing Catholic morality: i.e., no fornication, or other habitual sins against the Sixth and Ninth while unmarried.)

Again, I've seen too many marriages where people end up super unhappy NOT EVEN a year later, so that's why I'm completely turned off by it. And I think it's pretty rational to want a guy with financial security. 

I totally understand what you are saying.
When I was a teenager at school, the priest told us very clearly during a catechism course, "there are three states of life, not just two, religious vocation, marriage, and single, celibate life".
When a girl finished high school, she was encouraged to learn a feminine trade or go to Uni, because unless she had a vocation, there was no guarantee she was going to marry, or even marry relatively young. When girls in Tradition nowadays do NOTHING but babysitting, they tend to fall into the arms of the first guy who pays them some attention and it ends up in a disastrous marriage. Nor do they know how to manage a household budget, because they have never learnt how to do so... They are also totally unequipped to homeschool their children adequately. My sister and I both went to Uni and worked, and gave up working in a heartbeat before our first child was born. Good solid marriages, and lots of homeschooled children.
But now I look at the men around us and I wonder who on earth could my daughter marry?? If she doesn't have a vocation, she will probably end up single. And it won't be her fault...
One thing though: you are absolutely right to want to marry a man with a job (our priest won't even allow a man without a job to date), but a house is not a requirement, depending on where in the world you live. I understand that houses are pretty cheap in the USA still though. Also, "forever" is basically impossible these days, people often have to move 😊.

My parents raised me not to really trust men to begin with until they prove themselves. And I can see what you mean by the "forever" house not being realistic, but what I meant by that is just the knowledge of knowing we will never have to worry about being on the streets, you know?

It sounds like from the other posts you know what you want externally.  Do you know who you are internally?  If a spouse is not obvious right now and marriage looks like a bad idea, then what will you do with yourself while you are waiting?  What does your family want you to do with yourself while waiting?

I'd rather not talk about my personal life. But internally I just want a loving guy that loves the faith and is willing to sacrifice a lot for his kids.

I'd rather not talk about my personal life. But internally I just want a loving guy that loves the faith and is willing to sacrifice a lot for his kids.

You might try developing a devotion to the Poor Souls in Purgatory...especially women who had a difficult marriage (and they still succeeded) and ask them to pray that God puts you in touch with the person He wants you to be with.
I've always found the Poor Souls very quick to respond to Masses, devotions and sacrifices offered for them.

... who's fit, handsome, and makes good money. 

I think the three above ^ are out there, however, they are rare, let alone, the being a faithful Catholic part.

OP, you should try Trad. Catholic Circle. I have a friend(s) that are on there. Be inviting, don't be a wall flower.