Big Families: Are They all Yours?? Some Snappy Comebacks!
APRIL 11, 2012 BY ZEPHYR HILL 11 COMMENTS

With 5 children (so far), I don’t feel like our family is “huge” but sometimes people we meet in public seem to think it is and we often get comments like:
“Are they all yours?”
“You’ve got your hands full!”
“Do you need to see a doctor?” (I was asked this by a man in Taco Bell the other day!)
“I don’t know how you do it!”
“When can we schedule you for a tubal?” (From a nurse just an hour after the birth of our second!)
“You just set a record for the longest grocery receipt I’ve ever printed out!” (from the checkout guy at Dillon’s)

I have many friends with much bigger families than ours, and I’ve asked them how they respond to comments from strangers and they’ve come up with some very creative (and often hilarious) responses. Here are some of them, plus a lot of great ones I found floating around on the Internet:

Are they all yours?
“Of course they are all mine. Do you think I take 5 young children shopping just for kicks?”
“No, and I have no idea why all these children are following me!”
“No. I run a daycare that only accepts children who look exactly like my husband and me.”
“Yes! Isn’t God wonderful?”
“Why? Is there one you would like?”
“Yes, and they’ll be paying your social security and disability one day.”

You do know what causes that, right?
“Yes! Would you like me to tell you about it?”  OR
“No, I don’t. Will you explain to me exactly how it works?” (with a very innocent expression)
“Of course I do. It’s the stork. Everybody knows that!”

I don’t know how you do it!
“I drink. Copiously.”
“I’ve actually been institutionalized. I’m out today on a pass.”
“I don’t know how you don’t!”
“Thanks to your tax dollars, I can!”
You must be one very busy woman!
“Actually, the children do all the work and I just sit around watching soap operas and eating chocolate.”
“And you must be the genius of your family!”

Wow! Do you ever get any time for yourselves?
“Obviously we do, or my husband and I wouldn’t have all these children!”

You’ve got your hands full!
“Yes, would you like to help?”
“And you’ve got some broccoli stuck between your teeth!”
“I’d rather my hands be full than empty.”
“And this is only half of my family!”

You might want to see a doctor.
“I’m in perfect health. However, you obviously need your head examined.”
“Conceiving a child means that something went right not that something went wrong!”
“I plan to do exactly that when I get pregnant again!”

Are you planning to have more?
“Let me check with God real quick.” (pause) “Ok, He says it’s none of your business.”
“Yeah. We’re not going to stop until we have an ugly one.”
“Yep, as long as the government subsidies keep coming.”
“Of course. When you are as smart and as beautiful as I am, it’s in the public interest to keep procreating.”

You know there’s something you can take to prevent that!
“Oh yeah, everybody knows about aspirin.”
(Looking around at all your children) “And which one would you suggest I should have prevented?”
“Wait a second. Is this a sales pitch?”

How do you afford to feed them all?
“Do you want to see a copy of my budget?”
“I accept cash and checks. Would you like to make a free will donation?”
“We can’t. Everything we own is on credit cards, my husband just lost his job and we’re about to file bankruptcy. Thanks for asking…..”

Those are gems!  

I found a sense of humor to be very helpful, if not crucial, in raising a family.