Who wears the trousers? ( be honest as some advice is useless or counterproductive if she is a Cosmopolitan reader.
We know she is culturally pro contraception but is she against divorce? the two don't always go hand in hand. Would divorcing you be a personal failure in her mind? Would her parents think she was stupid for losing you or sympathise with her for following her heart?
she's 40, we have a 8, 6, 1 yr old, she simply wants no more kids, she says she's done, she's exhausted, but she also mentioned other reasons as financial , chance of her getting sick ...as for the trousers I say she doesn't accept my authority, she's a modern woman, she says she has given in to allthe drastic changes I have forced onthe family in recent years..ie my stance agains vaccines..I won the battle, my insistence we eat organic, I won the battle..she says this is the straw that broke the camel's back..as for divorce she mentioned it the other night, then the day after she mentioned she couldn't live without me, I think it's her desperate plea to have me consent to her wishes, we both agree that if she would divorce all our friends and family would side with her as everyone thinks my views on life are extreme
Let's assume you had played your cards differently then and not had a battle about Vaccines and Organic food (neither of which matter very much in the grand scheme of things) but, instead, had always been reasonable and ready to compromise and you ONLY insisted and really put your foot down and banged your fist on the table when the topic at hand jepodized your immortal souls.
Do you think she might have agreed to not use contraception?
I think she has basically lost respect for you and thinks you are a domineering control freak who does not care about her feelings but just your own agenda you've picked up on the internet and from your crazy virtual religious friends over the years. She probably feels worked off her feet and in order to maintain a sense of control she's ringfenced this issue in her mind and mad it her Alamo. And from her friends and social support group s
he's going to get a LOT of support in this day and age, since, you can easily be painted like that to a family court.
So, basically, you've been a bit of an asshat to paint yourself into a corner over Organic food and Vaccines. Which let's agree,
really don't matter that much. MOST people who have the full range of vaccines and eat a healthy balanced diet of normal supermarket food are just fine.
My parents had 9 children and between us we have 56 grandchildren. 1 brother is unmarried and 1 was a Traditional Monk until he died a few years ago. Everyone in all of the generations practices their faith. So my father's husband and parenting methods, which I have adopted, I think should be considered based on a 60 year track record. He was a very wise man. And there is no argument against success.
His basic philosophy was separate what was critical to avoiding mortal sin and perilous situations and "the rest". So as children, if we got an ear pierced or had a funny hair cut or ate junk food or had bad table manners, he would comment and try to steer us and make us think, but he would not "do his nut" and go mad about it or command us or stop us. My older brothers smoked for example, and while my father was a non-smoker and against smoking, he let them do so without attacking them or making snide comments constantly.
If, however, you got into a situation where you stayed out for the night with your girlfriend, or slept with her, then he would come down on you like a ton of bricks. Because he realised that you were getting yourself into VERY dangerous waters. You end up getting the wrong girl up the duff, you marry her and you're in for a life of misery, so that was a time to pull out the big guns.
Same thing if you skipped Mass or tried to or trod in other mortal sin territory. But the big one for teenagers is fornication and it's derivatives.
You pull them out all of the time and people stop fearing them.
Because he was reasonable the rest of the time, to the subject (us) it seemed a hell of a price to pay to get kicked out of the house because you could not keep it in your pants. So it makes the decision very clear and rational and unemotional.
I have this harmonious home where I am treated really nicely and all I need to do to keep it that way is not shag my girlfriend or drop her and get another who is decent and not a slut. There was no "getting back at Dad", because there was nothing to get back at him for. One did not need to carve out one's territory to gain some self-respect because one already had plenty of freedom. The yolk was light and the sacrifice simply not worth making.
God did this very same thing. There was just ONE tree in the garden Adam and Eve could not eat from. You have given your wife THREE trees already and two are unnecessary. You have decided they are important, but objectively they are not even in the same ball park as contraception. There are no Papal Enclyclicals about innoculations or pestecides.
I assume when you married this women you were not a Traditional Catholic. If you were then you're a bloody fool because secular women are clearly going to want to use contraception at some stage. You must have therefore CHANGED YOUR TUNE on her over the course of your marriage. In other words, from her perspective, she married a man who has become somewhat of a religious kook and a pedant since she married him. She see little difference between the contraception issue and you insistence that the entire family eats organic spinach.
Here is what I would do in your shoes. Adopt my father's method of managing your family.
Get your parents to babysit, and, taking your wife away for a long weekend somewhere nice, tell her that you have been an asshat and apologise to her for being domineering, this will surprise her. Explain that you care about her soul, your marriage and your children's souls and from now on are only going to focus on those things.
Win back her trust and her love. Find someway to stop wasting time (we all waste time on the internet) and earn a bit more money AND spend more time helping her out around the home. Every weekend ask her for a list of three to five small DIY or cleaning jobs she would like done. May her feel like Queen of the home. My wife is always most interested in sex when I have repaired the dryer or done something manly around the house or spent hours playing with the children. When I've watched a movie for two hours she is less interested.
If you do this, I can pretty much guarantee you she will have that coil removed and use some sort of rhythm method. Because the risk-reward ratio tips in her favour. At first she will be nervous and worried about getting pregant but the nicer and more supportive and loving and reasonable and caring you are. i.e. the more she loves and appreciates you, the less she will worry about it.
One cannot reduce risks to zero after all. Yes, there is a risk she could get pregnant and damage her long tem health or even die, but there is a risk she could die doing all sorts of stuff she does today.
As for the innoculation stuff and the Organic stuff, let her do what she wants. If God wants to protect you from the mercury and Monsantos worst pesticide threat He can do that. Just let her buy the shopping she wants and try and eat a balanced diet. If you die 5 years earlier or get cancer at 65 so what? That won't send you, or her, or your kids to hell. Divorce is a much greater threat.
Topic: wife rejects natural family planning (Read 18070 times)