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Author Topic: Wicked husband, children watching  (Read 6138 times)

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Offline Anothersoul

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Re: Wicked husband, children watching
« Reply #45 on: September 08, 2017, 10:17:00 AM »
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    • It is very difficult to trust people right now so talking one on one may not work for me, but maybe references to Church Teaching and similar stories from other Catholics may help, at least that's what I thinking coming here anyways. 

    I knew that there would be a difference in opinion on exactly what the Church Teaches here, but I at least had to try. 
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    Offline DZ PLEASE

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #46 on: September 08, 2017, 10:20:33 AM »
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    • Quote from: Anothersoul on September 08, 2017, 10:17:00 AM
    It is very difficult to trust people right now so talking one on one may not work for me, but maybe references to Church Teaching and similar stories from other Catholics may help, at least that's what I thinking coming here anyways.

    I knew that there would be a difference in opinion on exactly what the Church Teaches here, but I at least had to try.
    That's why there's also email but sure, you're gun shy. Who wouldn't be? Are you at least saying frequent Aves, if not praying the Rosary ma'am, and do your children at least  see you do it? 

    The prayers of children typically aren't so "weighted down." 
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    Offline Meg

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #47 on: September 08, 2017, 10:21:05 AM »
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    • Quote from: Anothersoul on September 07, 2017, 11:59:53 PM
    My husband is drinking himself to death.
    He is a fallen away Novus Ordo convert who refused to attend Tridentine Mass with me and the children when I found Tradition 10 years ago (my whole life was spent in Novus Ordo) He told me it wasn't for him, 'no thanks'. So the children and I continued to go to Mass by ourselves.
    The move to Tradition caused a split in our marriage which makes him extremely unsympathetic to any of my basic needs. Pornography of course reared it's disgusting head, found years ago by me, and sadly, when confronted, he had zero remorse for, an no desire to give it up at all.
    Our income suffers because he only works part time, much less than he ever has, so we live on very meager means.
    Television is on constantly and he likes the children to stay up til 2am to watch with him. Homeschool suffers..yes it would.
    I have consulted many Traditional Catholic Priests over 10 years and none have given permission for me to leave. They only say that they will offer prayers for us, encourage me to stay, keep praying and to continue to offer it up. (Always a recommendation devotion to St Rita and St Monica)
    Several priests have heard my tears and my pleas for help, and none have given me permission to leave. Not even to get a job to help with essentials.
    Is the advice to stay possibly a mistake of sspx priests? What would the reason be for a woman to continue under such circuмstances with children involved?
    If I had my own job and no children I would have no problem being married to this man, I can easily escape to my room to avoid him for the most part, but my children cannot.
    I could earn my own money and take care of my needs, but having children keeps me home and in this case dependent on, well, him.
    My largest concern is for my children watching their father live so corrupt.
    I have asked family for help but they won't get involved because no one wants to confront my husband.
    I would imagine that a hundred years ago some man in a family, a father, brother or uncle, would kick a guy like this in the pants for destroying his wife and kids' lives by such a wicked lifestyle.
    Unfortunately for us here though we have no MEN to speak up on our behalf.
    I pray very much that someday my children will get the chance to grow up in a real Traditional Catholic Family AND home.
    Jesus and Mary have mercy on us  :pray:

    I'm sorry to read of your very difficult situation. Is there a family member or friend that you can go and stay with for awhile?

    My situation is similar only to the extent that my husband isn't Catholic. He's a new-ager. I converted to Catholicism ten years ago. Fortunately, he isn't nearly as anti-Catholic as he used to be. I cannot live a truly Catholic life in my own home, but have to do so in private (praying Rosary, etc). But since my children are grown, I don't have to worry about that. Of course you want to do what is right for your children. But if you cannot find a place to go for awhile, then you'll need to find a way to cope. May I ask....have the priests whom you have consulted offered any concrete and practical advice on how to deal with your situation?

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    "It is licit to resist a Sovereign Pontiff who is trying to destroy the Church. I say it is licit to resist him in not following his orders and in preventing the execution of his will. It is not licit to Judge him, to punish him, or to depose him, for these are acts proper to a superior."

    ~St. Robert Bellarmine
    De Romano Pontifice, Lib.II, c.29

    Offline Anothersoul

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #48 on: September 08, 2017, 10:37:34 AM »
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    • Yes DZ I do say the Rosary everyday with my children. 

    Thank you Meg for the kind words..I am sorry you also know some of the challenges to living in a mixed marriage after conversion. As far as priests advice, the best and most recent from one, was for me to win my husband over with gentleness and kindness. Liberal amounts of love and affection and catering to. 
    This would be wonderful advice to someone that's a Saint already. I do these things and they are completely ignored by him (and sometimes they actually irritate him further) then of course because I am weak I fail at them after awhile because I lose steam and get tired of being bullied and then ignored. And by fail I mean disappear into a hole of despair that leaves me uselesss to the family because I cannot cope. 

    My extended family and friends is very limited and most of them have enough troubles of their own and cannot deal with my situation. They offer support by means of prayers and encouragement to endure. 
    I suppose if we lost our house because of my husband they wouldn't let me live on the street but short of that no one wants to take in a entire family knowing there will be an angry drunk person on the other side of that. 
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    Offline Meg

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #49 on: September 08, 2017, 10:57:47 AM »
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    • Quote from: Anothersoul on September 08, 2017, 10:37:34 AM
    Yes DZ I do say the Rosary everyday with my children.

    Thank you Meg for the kind words..I am sorry you also know some of the challenges to living in a mixed marriage after conversion. As far as priests advice, the best and most recent from one, was for me to win my husband over with gentleness and kindness. Liberal amounts of love and affection and catering to.
    This would be wonderful advice to someone that's a Saint already. I do these things and they are completely ignored by him (and sometimes they actually irritate him further) then of course because I am weak I fail at them after awhile because I lose steam and get tired of being bullied and then ignored. And by fail I mean disappear into a hole of despair that leaves me uselesss to the family because I cannot cope.

    My extended family and friends is very limited and most of them have enough troubles of their own and cannot deal with my situation. They offer support by means of prayers and encouragement to endure.
    I suppose if we lost our house because of my husband they wouldn't let me live on the street but short of that no one wants to take in a entire family knowing there will be an angry drunk person on the other side of that.

    I would say that the advice that the priest gave you - to give liberal amounts of love and affection and catering to is good advice, but don't overdo it. I went that route, and it helped a lot, but start out slowly with just little things....you don't want to freak out the husband by overdoing it. 

    I'm sorry to hear that you have fallen into despair over it. I can relate to that. 

    The drunkenness and porn addiction that your husband has is concerning. It can be very difficult to overcome these addictions. But not impossible. He is probably searching for and wanting something, but doesn't know what it is. God can help him, but he will probably not admit that. 

    I'll offer prayers. 
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    "It is licit to resist a Sovereign Pontiff who is trying to destroy the Church. I say it is licit to resist him in not following his orders and in preventing the execution of his will. It is not licit to Judge him, to punish him, or to depose him, for these are acts proper to a superior."

    ~St. Robert Bellarmine
    De Romano Pontifice, Lib.II, c.29

    Offline Anothersoul

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #50 on: September 08, 2017, 11:06:49 AM »
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    • Thank you Meg. Prayers are very much needed and most appreciated. I will pray for you as well. 
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    Offline Meg

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #51 on: September 08, 2017, 11:18:14 AM »
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    • Quote from: Anothersoul on September 08, 2017, 11:06:49 AM
    Thank you Meg. Prayers are very much needed and most appreciated. I will pray for you as well.

    Thank you for your prayers as well! Feel free to send me a PM (private message), but you'll need to be a forum member for at least a week, I think, to do so. 
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    "It is licit to resist a Sovereign Pontiff who is trying to destroy the Church. I say it is licit to resist him in not following his orders and in preventing the execution of his will. It is not licit to Judge him, to punish him, or to depose him, for these are acts proper to a superior."

    ~St. Robert Bellarmine
    De Romano Pontifice, Lib.II, c.29

    Offline Marlelar

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #52 on: September 08, 2017, 03:43:11 PM »
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    • Quote from: Anothersoul on September 08, 2017, 08:07:11 AM
    Wow. I was not expecting 'troll'.
    Whoever you are nctrad you are wrong and this is my life, you need to take your 'who cares' and leave. I came here for help hoping maybe another Catholic out there had some experience with a situation like mine. It has been a long and lonely road and people like you make it that much worse. Thanks.
    Numerous times in the past I have received VERY bad advice, in practical terms, from traditional priests so I know it is possible for them to do so.  
    When children are at risk it is time to act.  Do what you know to be best for your children.
    We should pray for such ill-informed priests.
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    Offline MaterDominici

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #53 on: September 08, 2017, 03:54:06 PM »
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    • Here are my thoughts after reading this:

    1. It's tough for even the laziest of husbands to drive their family into extreme poverty because whatever you're suffering, he's suffering as well. If he wasn't satisfied with what his income was providing for your family, he'd probably be at least attempting to do something about it.

    2. If you're attempting to sway his behavior, I'd focus on one thing only -- the pornography perhaps. If you've pushed him into the mindset that you're never happy with anything he does, the likelihood of him changing something to please you is very minimal.

    3. What would life for you and your children look like if you were to leave? What would the children be doing while you're working to provide for them? Depending on their age, they might not see that you've tried to make it work for years. They might not understand the difference between separation and divorce. Consider the message that leaving sends and whether or not that is worse than TV at 2 am. Will you be forcing them long-term to choose between following your example or following his fun/easy life?
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    Offline Miseremini

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #54 on: September 08, 2017, 07:11:54 PM »
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    • How old are your children?
    You say he's looked at porn.  What kind?  Kiddie porn?
    As long as the children are awake you had better be.
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    "Let God arise, and let His enemies be scattered: and them that hate Him flee from before His Holy Face"  Psalm 67:2[/b]

    Offline Croix de Fer

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #55 on: September 08, 2017, 09:04:32 PM »
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    • Women need to learn how to pick better men.
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    Offline songbird

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #56 on: September 08, 2017, 10:43:47 PM »
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    • Another soul:  Check out resources for women/moms in need.  Domestic Violence and misplaced housewives.  Get to know what is available to you.  Your husband appears to be in mortal sin.  When this happens the devil has the soul.  It would not be well for the children to be around, if you fear for their souls.  A priest told me, to say 3 rosaries a day.  You keep a rosary in your pocket and say it to yourself and say one with your family/children.  Your children need to see how you manage this issue.  They will remember.

    My cousin had a dad that drank/ from WWII.  We are age 65 and my cousin told me that her mother tried to hide his drinking.  I told her, your mom tried to make you a home, picking up after him.  It helps to find support groups who can help you not to be an enabler.   My prayers to you.
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    Offline Amakusa

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #57 on: September 09, 2017, 03:35:21 AM »
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    • In many cases, separation is not a good solution at all. I agree with the one who said that if you were to live separately, you would have to find a job and your children would be left alone, with at least as many risks as with your husband.

    Here in France, several priests have recommanded separation even in far better situations, but it led to disasters. I know a man who is more or less a home aloner, and a priest advised her wife to leave him, for the spiritual welfare of her children; but she fell in adultery, probably because she was not able to deal with the absence of sɛҳuąƖ relationships.

    Seriously, those priests have created disasters with their outrageous advices.

    If your husband show pornographic movies to your children, then of course you must chose separation; but in the absence of such damnable sins, I believe you should not leave him.
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    Offline songbird

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #58 on: September 09, 2017, 03:54:53 PM »
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    • Amakusa:  "Songbird", does not appreciate your comments on my private email.  Next time you reply Amakusa, use this forum.  Please don't use my "private" email address.
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    Offline MaterDominici

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    Re: Wicked husband, children watching
    « Reply #59 on: September 09, 2017, 09:06:33 PM »
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    • Quote from: songbird on September 09, 2017, 03:54:53 PM
    Amakusa:  "Songbird", does not appreciate your comments on my private email.  Next time you reply Amakusa, use this forum.  Please don't use my "private" email address.
    Songbird - You can turn off "notifications" so that you do not receive emails when people reply to threads you've posted in.
    .
    Go to "Profile" and choose "Account Settings"
    Then, under "Modify Profile" choose "Notifications"
    Uncheck the first box and you will no longer receive the sort of email you mentioned here.
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