Author Topic: Why inter-racialcultural marriages dont work (Read 3253 times)

Vladimir · « **on:** February 23, 2011, 11:53:40 PM »

I really that this may be an unfair generalization but:

http://www.chinese-forums.com/index.php?/topic/31149-is-this-romantic-conversation/page__pid__239887#entry239887

(If that thread is taken down or you feel uninclined to read it, the basic jist is that this American man married a woman from China and is dismayed to find that she is having semi-romantic online conversations with a man she knew in China)

You can't just stick two people together that are from 2 completely alien cultures and expect that "love" (modern translation: primarily physical or superficial attraction) can stop one of the persons to yearn for companionship from someone that actually shares their culture, etc.

The weird thing is that this doesn't really apply to a lot of people from various ethnic groups that have lived in America their whole lives, since they share in the same cultureless American culture and therefore, there really is no difference between them.

Telesphorus · « **Reply #1 on:** February 23, 2011, 11:59:54 PM »

I think there's more to it than that. I think you typically can't expect modern women to be faithful.

Jehanne · « **Reply #2 on:** February 24, 2011, 09:37:04 AM »

What is the Church's teaching on interracial marriage?

Matthew · « **Reply #3 on:** February 24, 2011, 09:43:42 AM »

Here's an interesting point --

We bring up various cases where interracial marriage worked for CATHOLICS -- but you see, they had a Catholic culture in common between them. The Catholic Faith is one and the same everywhere. It's an incredibly unifying force.

But outside of the Faith, how can interracial or intercultural marriages work out?

Again, I agree with Vladimir that America is an exception, because here you have Liberalism in place of Catholicism to unify people. You could have two drastically different ethnic groups in the relationship, but if both of them are American they both have public school, liberalism, TV, movies, and American leisure activities in common -- compatibility won't be a problem.

For a marriage to work, there must be some common ground, especially on topics like money, children, discipline, education, etc. It helps to have two people raised in a similar manner. If a man's parents made 30,000 a year growing up, it's best if his wife was lower-middle-class as well. Otherwise one of the two will have a different attitude toward money (etc.) and that will cause endless problems in the marriage.

Matthew

Catholic Samurai · « **Reply #4 on:** February 24, 2011, 11:57:03 AM »

Quote from: Matthew

If a man's parents made 30,000 a year growing up, it's best if his wife was lower-middle-class as well. Otherwise one of the two will have a different attitude toward money (etc.) and that will cause endless problems in the marriage.

Im not so sure it's that simple. I've known/been acquainted with a lot of women who came from lower class families and grew up poor, but now spend money like crazy because their husband is their ATM. But then I think their temperament strongly has something to do with this.

Raoul76 · « **Reply #5 on:** February 24, 2011, 02:48:39 PM »

Jehanne, the Church has never said anything against interracial marriages officially, but that doesn't mean they're necessarily a good idea. We are free to make bad marriages within the Church. But I suppose you can't say that an interracial marriage is bad in itself, or that all of them are bad, as a general rule.

However, I have read -- from a secular book, so take it with a grain of salt -- that interracial marriages and even interracial fornicaton was punished severely by the Spanish Church when they were colonizing America, that a stricter contingent within the Church did not want inter-marrying with natives. I'm not sure if that's true or not. Some people think that the Spaniards marrying the natives was a civilizing factor in itself, and I can't really say that I have an opinion either way.

All I know is that personally, I probably wouldn't do it. I find them odd myself, and I grew up in a very mixed-race environment. If I were marrying an Asian woman, I wouldn't trust myself to know whether it was a fetish or true love. Also, I'd just prefer to have all-white children.

Has anyone wondered this -- why is it almost always white women with black men, and white men with Asians? It is much, much more rare to see white women with Asian men, or white men with black women. There just feels like something wrong with that to me, something about breaking taboos, something physical and not spiritual. I also see tons of white women with Hispanics these days.

As Matthew said, in this country, it is liberalism that ties people together. But I don't want my kid to be culturally tied together by that. Even if the kid were raised Catholic, isn't there a risk that, being mixed-race, he would feel more at home in the multicultural American stew and would begin thinking in a liberal way? Of course, there's always a risk with any Catholic kid that they will be seduced by the world, but in this case, I could see a mixed-race child seeking IDENTITY in this way, while a white person wouldn't.

The point of my post is that, though they happened often in the past, like in Italy with the Moors, mixed-race marriages seem to have been fairly unheard-of in the late Middle Ages through the Renaissance and beyond in Europe ( though I could be wrong. ) Therefore, in modern times, they strike me as a very American phenomenon. One that we have, as usual, exported around the world. Though there's no proof, and no official word from the Church, I think it's a general sign of decay, a symbol of the replacement of the Old European Catholic world by the New ʝʊdɛօ-Masonic American world.

Matthew · « **Reply #6 on:** February 24, 2011, 02:59:55 PM »

Quote from: Catholic Samurai

Quote from: Matthew
If a man's parents made 30,000 a year growing up, it's best if his wife was lower-middle-class as well. Otherwise one of the two will have a different attitude toward money (etc.) and that will cause endless problems in the marriage.

Im not so sure it's that simple. I've known/been acquainted with a lot of women who came from lower class families and grew up poor, but now spend money like crazy because their husband is their ATM. But then I think their temperament strongly has something to do with this.

That actually proves my point -- when you're used to little money, being thrown into "lots of money" is a problem -- because she wouldn't be used to it, or know how to handle it.

Just like lottery winners often squander their windfall within a couple years and find themselves poor again.

Kailyn · « **Reply #7 on:** February 24, 2011, 04:07:42 PM »

I see absolutely no extra marital difficulty in an interracial marriage simply as interracial. Where it is a matter of clashing cultures, certainly, there may be differences of opinion and even ideas of love and fidelity. But even where the races are the same, there may be these difficulties, and the sad fact is many spouses commit adultery. Bottom line, you shouldn't be marrying someone if you haven't discussed these important issues and come to a consensus. I don't see race itself as any hindrance.

Vladimir · « **Reply #8 on:** February 24, 2011, 05:07:22 PM »

Quote from: Raoul76

Has anyone wondered this -- why is it almost always white women with black men, and white men with Asians? It is much, much more rare to see white women with Asian men, or white men with black women. There just feels like something wrong with that to me, something about breaking taboos, something physical and not spiritual. I also see tons of white women with Hispanics these days.

Quote

There's definately some exceptions, but those are definately in the minority.

A lot of white girls are starting to go after blacks and hispanics.

I'm not so concerned with inter-racial marriage, but the thing you have to realize is that there really is no "melting pot". The children usually take completely after one culture and are left in a state of being an outsider to both cultures.

Again, the sad thing is that often this doesn't apply for example the so-called "Asian-Americans", etc in America are only identifiable as "Asian" because they have black hair and squinty eyes. Other than that, they might as well be white.

LM · « **Reply #9 on:** February 24, 2011, 06:23:06 PM »

Quote from: Kailyn

I see absolutely no extra marital difficulty in an interracial marriage simply as interracial. Where it is a matter of clashing cultures, certainly, there may be differences of opinion and even ideas of love and fidelity. But even where the races are the same, there may be these difficulties, and the sad fact is many spouses commit adultery. Bottom line, you shouldn't be marrying someone if you haven't discussed these important issues and come to a consensus. I don't see race itself as any hindrance.

I agree.

blestwith8 · « **Reply #10 on:** March 12, 2011, 12:08:10 PM »

Hmmm well, as the adoptive Mom of a racially mixed child I tread carefully here.

I do not think any marriage should occur between 2 unequally yoked people. Spirituality is the most important thread to have in common.
I am blessed to have married a man who as a Convert from So. Baptist longs for a more Traditional And Conservative Catholic Church. THAT IS A MIRACLE. I thank our Priest who is such a devout man by faith and by example.

I have seen the tragedy 1st hand with my eldest daughter, she married a man who was an Athiest. We talked until we were blue in the face, but you know the drill, they were in love blah blah blah. I told her not to marry in the Church. They had a Civil Ceremony.

She came to me in tears not long after her marriage to say that she had found out his Mother had been on the board of the local Planned Parenthood. Obviously they did not take the time to get to know one another.

After 5 years she was working 2 jobs and going to school and supporting him. she was determined to make it work. They lived in a run down trailer on his parents property. It was heartbreaking. He kicked her out when he found someone else. I breathed a sigh of relief.
She is now engaged to a nice young man. Both were raised Catholic and they are finding their way back. My husband and I are praying and trying to live our faith by example. Her fiancees parents are thrilled as well. So keep Kate and Donovan in your prayers. This is a hard world to negotiate for young people today and they have much pressure to live otherwise. They share the same faith and it is still difficult.

clare · « **Reply #11 on:** March 17, 2011, 02:57:05 PM »

Quote from: blestwith8

I do not think any marriage should occur between 2 unequally yoked people...

That means that a man should not marry a woman! :dancing:

s2srea · « **Reply #12 on:** March 25, 2011, 10:09:08 PM »

Quote

You can't just stick two people together that are from 2 completely alien cultures and expect that "love" (modern translation: primarily physical or superficial attraction) can stop one of the persons to yearn for companionship from someone that actually shares their culture, etc.

Wow this is utter ignorance. My parents are as diverse as they come: Mexican and Lebanese. First and foremost for them was their Catholic Faith that unified them. Mother was roman and father was Maronite (originally). Besides that, you've never seen two people so in love. They share each other's culture and ethic backgrounds and it (objectively) brings them closer.

To add further to this, my wife is Dutch-Indonesian with a family who is heavily cultured. We even share our cultures and both enjoy it immensely.

Its typical American ignorance that causes statements like this. Enjoy your ignorance- I'm going to go enjoy some Indonesian food right now. Tomorrow is Lebanese. Have fun with your burgers.

Vladimir · « **Reply #13 on:** March 25, 2011, 10:20:03 PM »

Quote from: s2srea

Quote

You can't just stick two people together that are from 2 completely alien cultures and expect that "love" (modern translation: primarily physical or superficial attraction) can stop one of the persons to yearn for companionship from someone that actually shares their culture, etc.

Wow this is utter ignorance. My parents are as diverse as they come: Mexican and Lebanese. First and foremost for them was their Catholic Faith that unified them. Mother was roman and father was Maronite (originally). Besides that, you've never seen two people so in love. They share each other's culture and ethic backgrounds and it (objectively) brings them closer.

To add further to this, my wife is Dutch-Indonesian with a family who is heavily cultured. We even share our cultures and both enjoy it immensely.

Its typical American ignorance that causes statements like this. Enjoy your ignorance- I'm going to go enjoy some Indonesian food right now. Tomorrow is Lebanese. Have fun with your burgers.

The Catholic Faith is an amazing thing. See how it can make something work that would otherwise not.

Jehanne · « **Reply #14 on:** March 26, 2011, 07:30:41 AM »

Quote from: s2srea

Quote

You can't just stick two people together that are from 2 completely alien cultures and expect that "love" (modern translation: primarily physical or superficial attraction) can stop one of the persons to yearn for companionship from someone that actually shares their culture, etc.

Wow this is utter ignorance. My parents are as diverse as they come: Mexican and Lebanese. First and foremost for them was their Catholic Faith that unified them. Mother was roman and father was Maronite (originally). Besides that, you've never seen two people so in love. They share each other's culture and ethic backgrounds and it (objectively) brings them closer.

To add further to this, my wife is Dutch-Indonesian with a family who is heavily cultured. We even share our cultures and both enjoy it immensely.

Its typical American ignorance that causes statements like this. Enjoy your ignorance- I'm going to go enjoy some Indonesian food right now. Tomorrow is Lebanese. Have fun with your burgers.

As I said before, I can find no Magisterial statements either supporting and/or condemning interracial marriage. I think that it is completely irrelevant. If two people are in love, then they are in love! Question is, "Why do some Protestants make such a big deal out of it?"