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Offline MrsZ

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When Hs and Ws are at Odds about the Faith
« on: July 23, 2012, 06:48:22 PM »
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  • My H is going to send me to the insane asylum one of these days.  He was raised N.O. Catholic.  He is predominantly a Sanguine temperament (one who is often superficial in day to day matters and will likely err on the side of presumption as opposed to despair in matters of faith).  I was raised in an atheist home, had some "churching" due to my maternal grandparents, and converted to Catholicism in 2000.  We have battled regularly regarding matters of Faith as I have sought to learn more and more about our Faith and asked him about it.

    We were discussing movies and the effect they can have on people and ultimately from his perspective, it came down to: "if it's not real, it's not a problem..." (Our children are grown, but I spent years guarding them from bad things on screen when they were young...Many times, H thought I was overreacting).

    So if the violence on the screen is pretend, it's o.k.  I guess this includes all manner of written word because whatever is described in a book is "pretend" unless the author is retelling events that have in fact occurred.  I don't know where this is in regard to sensuality on screen.  Actors and filmmakers will insist that most of it is in fact "simulated."  Although I assume they do in fact kiss, they are in fact undressed and they are in fact engaging in public inappropriate behavior, with an audience in the film studio, and the larger audience in the theaters and at home ... and most of the time with someone who is not their spouse.

    Can anyone direct me to Church teaching on avoiding sinful things, even that which is not factually "real" but rather pretend...This often happens, where I know he is not correct in his statements, but he will often just say something like this, and that's it, the subject is CLOSED.  He doesn't really seem to care about getting at the Truth of the matter and doesn't seem to think that he should try any harder to seek God's will in things.

    To me, this feels like being "unequally yoked."  It's caused many problems in the home because we are not of one accord in many matters .. his sanguine temperament has allowed me to lead in these matters because he is naturally passive, non-confrontational and it seems to me, doesn't care enough about these things to raise an objection.  However, when I try to confide in him and talk to him about how I see that I've made mistakes in trying to lead in spiritual matters (leaning towards legalism) he loves to jump on board and attack me for the decisions I've made.

    It's a very lonely marriage.


    Offline Telesphorus

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    When Hs and Ws are at Odds about the Faith
    « Reply #1 on: July 23, 2012, 07:07:36 PM »
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  • It doesn't really matter what authorities you find MrsZ.  He likes movies, even if they're titillating or desensitizing and brutalizing, he's conditioned to think they're OK, he's not going to change.

    One thing that really bothers me is the cultural "Catholic" cult of The Godfather movies.




    Offline songbird

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    When Hs and Ws are at Odds about the Faith
    « Reply #2 on: July 23, 2012, 07:22:12 PM »
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  • I hate to say it, but your H is very prideful.  It will keep him from leaning your way.  That is a wall!  Many prayers.  Movies are vary damaging to the soul!  My H used to have some of what your H has, the idea of just leave the kids alone, and don't harp at them and so on goes the story.  Then the kids side with Dad and mom gets less respect and on goes the story.  It is very damaging. Many prayers.  My H finally hit mortal sin and he was sick and ready to leave, but because he had catholicism in his blood from childhood, like an altar server, he had a conscious, and he did have St Michael and St James that he did have honor for.  He finally went to confession and about a year later, he was fully a reborn Man.  He is so different without the devil.  He had bad company on his job and it got into conversations and he went off the end.  He even had suicidal thoughts. This was age 50, the empty nest syndrome and his hormones were dropping.  I told him to get a b complex shot (whatever they call it) and within a few days of his first shot he was seeing things differently.  So, watch him and pray very much. Do fight the issue that the children will not be infected by rotten shows.  He may fight you on it, but whenever it occurs, mention God in some way.  Like, God would not want their eyes to see mortal sin.  In conversations, call sin a sin.  Be sure to speak up because  your children will look up to you.  Venerable Elizabet had a very hard life.  A husband who even put a gun to her face,and every immoral sin there was. She prayed for herself and her 2 daughters and her H.  She was given insight and told her H, that one day he would SAY a Mass for her.  He did.  He was so remorseful after her death, that he became a monk and said his first Mass for her.   Lots of prayers!!!

    Offline rowsofvoices9

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    When Hs and Ws are at Odds about the Faith
    « Reply #3 on: July 24, 2012, 05:23:34 PM »
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  • Fr. Chad Ripperger gave a sermon on this topic which I found to be very helpful.
    It's the very first sermon entitled movies.  

    http://www.sensustraditionis.org/multimedia.html
    My conscience compels me to make this disclaimer lest God judges me partly culpable for the errors and heresy promoted on this forum... For the record I support neither Sedevacantism or the SSPX.  I do not define myself as either a traditionalist or Novus

    Offline MrsZ

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    When Hs and Ws are at Odds about the Faith
    « Reply #4 on: July 24, 2012, 06:47:28 PM »
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  • I will listen to the sermon, thank you.  And thank you also for your prayers.  I'm probably looking at this the wrong way.  I'm sure I've played a part in the conflicts that have occurred.  Based on the other forum post about the way in which men and women mis-communicate, it explains why every conversation I have with my H feels like a competition for who is going to "win the argument" rather than dealing with the subject matter.


    Offline poche

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    When Hs and Ws are at Odds about the Faith
    « Reply #5 on: August 13, 2012, 03:04:18 AM »
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  • What you should learn to do is learn to disagree without being disagreeable. In the casse of children watching questionable movies, maybe you should watch them with the children. Then either during or after the movie discuss the themes with the children. If there is violence or some other theme that is inappropriate, maybe you should talk about it with the children and explain why you feel that this situation was inappropriate (i.e. killing your enemies is wrong).  

     

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