The conversation on the other thread, the one including "courting 18 year olds" in the title, made me think about the attitude of suspicion and offense taken by myself and other women in regard to an older man wishing to marry a much younger woman.
I started thinking about why, say, a 5 year age difference was one thing, but a 10 year age difference was starting to be "creepy." It also matters of course how young the young woman is. If she's 25 and he's 35, that's different.
In my opinion, it's seemingly related to the suspicion that since very few 18 year old girls are actually capable of being intelligent, hardworking, supportive and self-sacrificing wives.
Now the difference of course is that we're talking about an 18 year old Catholic homeschooled girl. Hopefully, she's been raised with traditional values and therefore should be ready to be a wife and mother.
I guess the suspicion is about the fact that since we live in a time where even the more conservative and traditional among us are raising our daughters to go to college and pursue "important" careers, we seem to conclude that a man seeking a younger woman must only be seeking her in a lustful way. Because she's not going to be much help to him otherwise.
100 years ago it was different. A young woman was prepared to be a wife and mother and a man 10 years older was seen as being a potentially good provider. Someone who'd passed the most difficult, tempting years of early manhood and had something to offer for the young woman.
When I was 18, my friends and I had an ingrained perception of what was an acceptable age difference to us. It seems that our preferences had to do with more vanity and sɛҳuąƖ attraction than whether or not the man was decent and hardworking. We were interested in someone who was less than 5 years older than us, if he was "cute" but edging up into 10 or more years and we were repulsed. Unless, unless .. he was exceptionally handsome/fit (the exception to the rule).
But then again, I wasn't raised to be a wife and mother. I wasn't raised to be practical in matters related to raising a child. It's only been since I've become a Catholic and matured that I recognized the potential value in a more mature man being able to lead the family with authority, plus having had a headstart in a career and earning a good living.
The other thing about that thread and the topic though that I think has bothered some of us, is that Telephorus seemed to be indicating that he would ONLY consider someone in the 18 year old range and no one else. Isolating girls in that particular age group seems wrong to me. It also, in practical terms will keep him from meeting other young woman who have the qualities he's looking for, who happened to be somewhat older.
But like he said .. even in trad circles it is very common apparently to focus on equal college educations and pursuits of careers for girls and boys alike. I think this is even more the case than in evangelical Protestant circles where many girls are staying under their Father's roof past the age of 18 and honoring him as her "authority" until such time as she becomes a wife. There are dozens of blogs like this by Protestant young women and I can't think of one by a Traditional Catholic girl.
We've noticed this difference just in the focus on so many Catholic homeschool programs. The curriculum is designed to be a one size fits all ... higher math, science, philosophy, apologetics .. and all designed to send all your kids to college.
The Protestant programs are not like this. There are plenty college prep materials for those who want them .. but there are also subjects like home economics, and the subcategories such as budgeting, sewing, cooking ... plus music, arts and crafts etc.
I don't know why Catholics don't have more room in their educational plans for being a good wife and mother. I think it might be that for some reason, Catholic women tend to be even more likely to have had some feminist education either in the public schools or in Catholic schools .. or it's just in the water we drink and the air we breathe.
Frankly, I've made many mistakes raising our daughter .. and while I've never emphasized a career to her .. she is very opinionated and tomboyish (having been raised at her older brother's side) due to my poor example all these years. She often seems to express herself with an focus on subjects related to equality and she's already 17. I was raised in this culture and didn't become a Christian until the year 2000. A lot of damage has already been done. I've tried to change the way I think and act and talk. But it's deeply ingrained in me .. to my deep regret.