Author Topic: What should widows do? (Read 1673 times)

Kephapaulos · « **on:** June 09, 2013, 11:41:15 PM »

I think I asked a similiar question in the past in another thread, but this issue concerns the modern world's assumption that both men and women should have careers. What should husbands and wives do to prepare for if the husband, who is the breadwinner, dies?

MrsZ · « **Reply #1 on:** June 10, 2013, 07:05:23 PM »

I have not been in the workforce for 20 years. I was in customer service then and made more than minimum wage. However, where we are currently living and own a home, the customer service opportunities are nil. I'd likely have to apply at fast food or the grocery store. And there's no reason to think they'd hire me.

We do have life insurance and a provision for the house to be paid off if my H should pass away (God forbid!

). But the life insurance will not be enough to support me if I were to live into old age. (I'm middle aged now).

The good news is that our children are grown and so I'd only have myself to support.

I don't know.. It's a tough one. I don't think the whole "widows/orphans" thing works the same way it used to. Now everyone is expected to work outside the home no matter what unless you are very very old and / or enfeebled.

Sigismund · « **Reply #2 on:** June 10, 2013, 07:28:16 PM »

I hope your children would help to support you if need be.

Marlelar · « **Reply #3 on:** June 11, 2013, 01:15:46 AM »

In generations past widows and widowers could plan on living with one of their kids or one of their own surviving siblings. That's not so easy now, Junior may be in a condo in the city and there is no family homestead to return to

And what of young widow(ers)s with children to raise? Hopefully Dad is maxed out on the insurance to cover both Mom and Dad. In today's economy Grandma and Grandpa may not be in a position to offer substantial assistance.

What a sorry state we are in now.

Marsha

MrsZ · « **Reply #4 on:** June 11, 2013, 01:01:07 PM »

Depending on how old I was at the time, I think I would have to go back to school or some type of vocational training. I would use a small portion of the life insurance to do so. If the mortgage is paid off, the remaining bills would be fairly small. Although we still have to pay property taxes right?

When I become elderly or am physically unable to work, my children would help me. However, it is different today. And sometimes people move away or their spouses aren't interested in directly helping in-laws. Of course I hope and pray that my children will marry kind people!

I would really like to think of something I can do at home now that would aid me in the future, widowed or not. We don't have the extra money to pay for education or training (we are helping one child with their current education) .. or even much for an investment of materials / classes for learning how to make things and sell them.

I'm a pretty sad case because while I know that I have skills in office work, administration / organization / customer service .. I'm not very creative. So, while I really like the idea of making things, I don't have the experience or skills at this point.

There's also medical transcription .. but you have to find your own work once you're trained.

Training, education, creativity, family and the rest is in God's hands.

s2srea · « **Reply #5 on:** June 11, 2013, 01:04:41 PM »

Through my work one can purchase Accidental Death and Dismemberment as well as Life Insurance; depending on your specific situation (do you have parents on both sides who are able and willing to help if the worst comes to past), you could purchase enough of these insurances to help keep you covered; I think this is especially important if you have a wife who stays home with no real skill and has children.

ggreg · « **Reply #6 on:** June 11, 2013, 01:11:44 PM »

I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Tiffany · « **Reply #7 on:** June 11, 2013, 05:25:08 PM »

Quote from: s2srea

Through my work one can purchase Accidental Death and Dismemberment as well as Life Insurance; depending on your specific situation (do you have parents on both sides who are able and willing to help if the worst comes to past), you could purchase enough of these insurances to help keep you covered; I think this is especially important if you have a wife who stays home with no real skill and has children.

I agree with purchasing enough insurance. I've known young widows who were financially comfortable due to their husband's planning. One thing is I would recommend is first putting money into a long term disability policy before purchasing a separate AD&D policy. Some life policies offer AD&D as a rider though.

Tiffany · « **Reply #8 on:** June 11, 2013, 05:29:20 PM »

Quote from: MrsZ

There's also medical transcription .. but you have to find your own work once you're trained.

Training, education, creativity, family and the rest is in God's hands.

Competing with Indian physicians at 2-4 cents a line won't pay your property taxes.

If possible both spouses take out a life policy and the wage earner take out a long term disability policy.

Frances · « **Reply #9 on:** June 13, 2013, 08:43:51 PM »

A good friend was widowed at 43 with seven of ten children at home. Her husband's illness used up all their assets. "Jane" went to school at night to get her GED, then trained at a technical school for nursing assistant. She kept the house by re-mortgaging it and her eldest daughter moved back home from college to work part-time and babysit. All of the children from 12 on up work at some sort of job to help pay the bills. By living very frugally, they've kept off welfare, relying instead, upon charity of a few relatives and their church, Baptist. Her oldest son is considering moving with his family back home and having a go at boarding horses on the land behind the house. Sad to say, these heretics put Catholics to shame.

Seraphia · « **Reply #10 on:** June 13, 2013, 09:23:20 PM »

I was widowed at 28 when one son was one and a half and I had one on the way (married for all of three and a half years). My husband and I had just started our own small business. I declared bankruptcy after my husband died and was on the verge on being evicted (my parents were living in Africa at the time and no family would help). The day I got evicted (two weeks after my husband died and the funeral costs had to be paid) I appealed to the St. Vincent De Paul Society. They told me to go to the welfare office, they said they don't deal with the poor directly (!) So I lived in a car with my son for two weeks (in the July in the South) till I got section 8 housing (and that was pure luck, I begged the manager because it takes years to get through the waiting list). I finally did get help through the Baptists and Methodists. They made sure I had items for the children and start up therapy help for my oldest who was diagnosed with severe Autism.

Through the years I have learned that Catholic organizations are sorely lacking in any aid and would much rather help (although I never saw any help, not even from my own parish, who I asked for help on numerous occasions) from a distance.

Thirteen years later things are better, but my small family still lives 200% below the (US) poverty level. I still manage to make ends meet. I wouldn't wish what I have been through on my worst enemy.

Although with the special therapies my oldest son has needed through the years and the specialized care, it was decided it was easier for me to stay at home and collect social security instead of him either being 'given up' to the state or put in a respite home part time. Although I could have went to work, I would have had been eligible for a full time trained nurse. And all of that seemed foolish as I can take care of my son better and a lot cheaper myself.

Napoli · « **Reply #11 on:** June 13, 2013, 10:08:04 PM »

Very sad story seraphia. Hope you can finally have things turn your way. I will pray for you.

Tiffany · « **Reply #12 on:** June 13, 2013, 10:18:56 PM »

Two weeks from delinquent to evicted doesn't seem believable unless you were in a motel. Even in places where tenants have no rights, they have to give you notice, file, have you served, a hearing is scheduled, then have you served again.

Tiffany · « **Reply #13 on:** June 13, 2013, 10:25:32 PM »

Quote from: Frances

A good friend was widowed at 43 with seven of ten children at home. Her husband's illness used up all their assets. "Jane" went to school at night to get her GED, then trained at a technical school for nursing assistant. She kept the house by re-mortgaging it and her eldest daughter moved back home from college to work part-time and babysit. All of the children from 12 on up work at some sort of job to help pay the bills. By living very frugally, they've kept off welfare, relying instead, upon charity of a few relatives and their church, Baptist. Her oldest son is considering moving with his family back home and having a go at boarding horses on the land behind the house. Sad to say, these heretics put Catholics to shame.

That is amazing, what good kids they raised.

Marlelar · « **Reply #14 on:** June 13, 2013, 10:29:37 PM »

Sadly, I have heard far too many stories of how the Catholic Church does not really help those in need. Why is it the Baptists can always be counted on but not those with the true faith?

When a family member suddenly got custody of his 3 yo daughter, his boss who is a Baptist sent out "word", and within 24 hrs they had furniture, clothes, shoes, toys, even kitchen equipment donated to them. Those Baptists know how to turn and burn that's for sure. His Catholic parish did NOTHING ! He subsequently left his parish and went to that Baptist church because they "don't just talk about helping the poor like the Catholics do".

Very sad on many levels.

Marsha