Catholic Info
Traditional Catholic Faith => Catholic Living in the Modern World => Topic started by: spouse of Jesus on July 12, 2011, 01:29:32 AM
-
What signs/incidents/conditions etc. should exist in one's life to make him think he is called to marriage?
I mean how must one interpret them as signs given to him by God?
Everybody loves little babies and everybody loves the opposite gender so it doesn't necessarily mean one is called to marry or not.
Just want to know how we must reach that assurance.
-
I recall reading (St. Alphonsus?) that one does not need signs to choose the consecrated state, but that signs are more needed in regard to considering the married state, because the consecrated life is more perfect. I do not know what exactly could indicate that someone is particularly called to receive the sacrament of matrimony.
The natural attractions are indeed not necessarily an indication that one is called to the married life, because everyone has these attractions, which are workings of the lower passions, and which can thus be mortified. In any case, St. Bernard said that 1/3 of the population has a religious vocation. If one compares that to the amount of people who actually follow it, one can easily conclude that many vocations are lost, which is for a great part the result of this surpression of vocations being a part of the systematic agenda of modern society.
Also, there are no longer as many traditional catholic families as in older times, in which vocations can be cultivated. Which leads us back to the question in the OP.
-
I know this isn't much help, but in my own case, I was considering entering the priesthood when I was in late highschool/early college. Last year I found out that I had developed celiac disease. I could be wrong, but I think this might have been God's way of saying, "yeah, you're not really meant for the priesthood," heh.
It also kind of rules out religious life, since I have to follow such a strict diet. So it looks like single or married life for me, and I think married life would be the most fruitful: hopefully I can raise up a few saints to God to make up for my slackness in following him earlier in life.
-
I know this isn't much help, but in my own case, I was considering entering the priesthood when I was in late highschool/early college. Last year I found out that I had developed celiac disease. I could be wrong, but I think this might have been God's way of saying, "yeah, you're not really meant for the priesthood," heh.
It also kind of rules out religious life, since I have to follow such a strict diet. So it looks like single or married life for me, and I think married life would be the most fruitful: hopefully I can raise up a few saints to God to make up for my slackness in following him earlier in life.
In these times you would be very lucky to find a woman who was authentically Catholic and not a manifest heretic, infidel, apostate or schismatic. I have yet to meet a woman of any kind who is not an apostate atheist, functional pagan or a poor soul deluded by the manifold errors of the second Vatican council.
For some reason, I have a feeling that my vocation is marriage because it's all I think about in terms of vocations, even though I really am not fond of the idea of actually raising children. It is going to take much prayer to find out what my vocation truly is and what God is calling me to do. It will also take avoiding mortal sin like the plague.
-
In these times you would be very lucky to find a woman who was authentically Catholic and not a manifest heretic, infidel, apostate or schismatic. I have yet to meet a woman of any kind who is not an apostate atheist, functional pagan or a poor soul deluded by the manifold errors of the second Vatican council.
No single women at your chapel? Have you tried online dating sites like Catholic Match? I believe that's where Matthew and his wife met.
-
A sign of a vocation to marriage and parenthood is the ability to providently and prudently govern self in the practical order as well as in the ascetical order: for example, if a man finds himself unable to maintain financial stability because of debt, then perhaps that individual should not marry, because a certain financial stability is necessary in order to assure one's spouse and children a certain quality of life that is conducive to domestic tranquility and order (without which a family would be doomed to a chaotic and fragmented life).
Not that poverty would necessarily prove to be an impediment to marriage (look at St. Joseph!), but the "situational poverty" of the now-extinct middle class (credit debt, lack or scarcity of employment, lower quality of education, &c.) and the naturalism and ethical disorders that are concomitant with the present day are not comparable to the poverty of our Christian forefathers.
St. Joseph out of humility and self-abasement had renounced the privileges of the royal Davidic lineage, and had given himself over to a life of physical labor in order to provide for the necessities of life, but he was self-detached and moved by zeal for God's glory and the welfare of his family (the Holy Family). These are marks every man aspiring to Sacred Matrimony and Christian fatherhood should have.
But he didn't have credit card debt, as far as I know. Nor did he give himself over to a riotous youth of spending and hyper-priced education that obliged him to work to pay off usurious debt, as is the case with most of us today...
-
I think my vocation is probably marriage. I originally had wanted to be a priest, but last year I suddenly felt this strong urge to meet a Traditional Catholic girl and start a Traditional Catholic family. Another reason I think marriage is my vocation is I believe God wants me to learn from the mistakes of my Protestant father. I've already learned all about the roles of both the man and woman in marriage, jobs, raising kids, etc. I'm not sure God would want me to know all this if He didn't want me to marry. Now it's just a matter of finding a girl who is a Traditional Catholic, which won't be easy. Especially considering the liberal diocese I'm in.
-
In these times you would be very lucky to find a woman who was authentically Catholic and not a manifest heretic, infidel, apostate or schismatic. I have yet to meet a woman of any kind who is not an apostate atheist, functional pagan or a poor soul deluded by the manifold errors of the second Vatican council.
No single women at your chapel? Have you tried online dating sites like Catholic Match? I believe that's where Matthew and his wife met.
Lefebvre fan, I am far too young for online dating sites :whistleblower:
It's ok though.. Who needs online dating when you've got mad game? :cool:
:laugh1:
Anyways, it's not like I said I was even looking for a wife yet. I have other things to worry about for the time being.
-
Discern this vocational question in a simple manner.
First of all you do not owe ANY debt. The Zionist have tricked you and have created this imaginary debt to keep you enslaved.
Keep all money issues, too many liberal women issues, screaming children in church, and all material things out of the decision.
-
Reading these forums I always feel there are more men looking for Catholic women then women looking for Catholic men. I wonder why that is?
-
Discern this vocational question in a simple manner.
First of all you do not owe ANY debt. The Zionist have tricked you and have created this imaginary debt to keep you enslaved.
Keep all money issues, too many liberal women issues, screaming children in church, and all material things out of the decision.
oops. I didn't finish. Clicked the reply too soon.
Anyhow, like a child naturally gravitates to the truth, so can you.
What does a child do when he has a decision to make? He runs to his/her mother.
The child knows his mother will stop everything she is doing and listen to him/her. The mother's instructions will always be the truth.
She is waiting for you to ask. When you are contemplating this decision begin with the Rosary, and Hobbledehoy has listed several Canicles to Mary on the "Miscellany.. " thread.
Here is one. Doesn't have to do with the discernment, but I think Our Lady would like it.
A CANTICLE LIKE THAT OF MOSES (DEUT. XXXII)
Hear ye, heavens, what I shall speak of Mary: let the earth hear the word of my mouth.
Magnify her together with me: and let us exalt her name forever and ever.
O wicked and perverse generation: acknowledge our Lady for thy salvatrix.
She is not thy mother, who hath possessed thee: and generated thee in faith?
If thou leavest her, thou art not the friend of the supreme Caesar: for without He will not save thee.
Would that thou couldst understand, and be wise: and provide for thy last end!
As an infant without a nurse cannot live: so thou canst not have salvation without Our Lady.
Let thy soul thirst for her, hold her, and do not let her go: until she has blessed thee.
Let thy mouth be filled with thy praises: sing her magnificence the whole day long.
Glory Be To The Father, etc.
Don't let the worldly smoke screens get in your way,
Sheep
-
Reading these forums I always feel there are more men looking for Catholic women then women looking for Catholic men. I wonder why that is?
I was thinking the same thing.
I should start a thread about it as I have some theories and was wondering if this pattern extended into "real life" -- it seems to do so here.
-
Maybe you can start a match maker thread while your at it.
Singles must post recent picture and height, weight, hobbies, occupation, and expectations from a spouse. Would be fun, and who knows. . . . .
-
In these times you would be very lucky to find a woman who was authentically Catholic and not a manifest heretic, infidel, apostate or schismatic. I have yet to meet a woman of any kind who is not an apostate atheist, functional pagan or a poor soul deluded by the manifold errors of the second Vatican council.
No single women at your chapel? Have you tried online dating sites like Catholic Match? I believe that's where Matthew and his wife met.
You'll find only a few Trads on Catholic Match, and based on that fact they deliberatly ask "Do you believe what the Church Believe on X" and many of them say No to many of them with an anethama attached to it, there are many formal Heretics on that site. If you can tolerate weeding through the filth you might find a gem however as there are a few SSPXers on the site.
There is a couple other site you might wish to check out, they don't have the volume that Catholic Match but the quality is far better.
www.sspxsingles.com
http://www.traditionalsingles.com/
http://www.sedevacantistsingles.com/
All 3 are run by the same person.
-
In these times you would be very lucky to find a woman who was authentically Catholic and not a manifest heretic, infidel, apostate or schismatic. I have yet to meet a woman of any kind who is not an apostate atheist, functional pagan or a poor soul deluded by the manifold errors of the second Vatican council.
No single women at your chapel? Have you tried online dating sites like Catholic Match? I believe that's where Matthew and his wife met.
You'll find only a few Trads on Catholic Match, and based on that fact they deliberatly ask "Do you believe what the Church Believe on X" and many of them say No to many of them with an anethama attached to it, there are many formal Heretics on that site. If you can tolerate weeding through the filth you might find a gem however as there are a few SSPXers on the site.
There is a couple other site you might wish to check out, they don't have the volume that Catholic Match but the quality is far better.
www.sspxsingles.com
http://www.traditionalsingles.com/
http://www.sedevacantistsingles.com/
All 3 are run by the same person.
There is just ONE girl between 18-23 on sedevacantist singles.
And pretty much about the same on the SSPX one.
Online dating sucks.
-
PartyIsOver has a point, most people on there are in their 30s. I sure don't want to wait until I'm that old to date. And even if you find someone on there your age, they may live a long ways away from where you do. I guess I'm better off either moving or hoping a Traditional Catholic girl moves where I live one day.
-
There are 26 girls between 18 and 23 on the SSPX singles site, they come and go. My age range would include up to 28 depending on the girl. There are 56 girls in the range 18-28.
I for the obvious reason of not being a sedacavantist have never gone on Sedecavantist singles I included it as an act of charity to our Sede friends here.
What does it matter where she lives? You need visit her only once or twice to know if you click, then communicate and court her via the telephone or skype or both. My friend Louis is getting married on thursday I believe. He is from Louisiana originally and lives in Toronto, his fiancee is from California and lives in Minnisota and they're being married in Colorado then going to live for a time in Toronto until he finishes his PhD and then whereever the money is with consideration for where an SSPX chapel is etc would determine where he lives.
I figure you can talk to them for a bit, if one strikes your fancy you can arrange to call her, if you're still interested you can meet her, if all works out I believe it takes a year before Catholics can marry what is the rush in being near her? You're not going to be making any children until the marriage.
I havn't been on the site long but I am talking to a few girls on their. I also am keeping open to meeting some around me which would be more convenient perhaps but I would not limit myself in any way.
That's my opinion anyhow.
-
Whats funny is there was one girl I saw on the SSPX site that I wanted to talk to, so I joined just because of her.
Now her profile has vanished! Figures.
-
I was reminded of Telesphorus' posts when I scrolled through some of the members of those dating sites.
First, there aren't very many YOUNG people there (as in, younger than 30).
Second, several of the women had children already. I can certainly understand a guy -- particularly one who is younger, or never been married -- preferring otherwise.
I looked at the pics of the guys, and started to get depressed for my daughters' sake. (I have 3 daughters so far) Hopefully the mix will change in 15 years :laugh1:
But it only takes one good one for each person, I suppose.
Of course, I also think that online dating is a last resort. I know for a fact that many good Catholics avoid computers completely. So you won't meet certain people if you restrict yourself to online.
For example, back when I was still in the dating pool, I knew a young lady at an SSPX chapel who was about 18, really into Gregorian chant, from a rural area in the midwest. I'm sure even Telesphorus would approve :wink: She didn't seem interested in me at all (which is par for the course -- I was never a ladies' man)
I think she was the oldest of 4 or 5 children. She was very mature, etc. But she was completely offline. I don't know where she is now; I haven't seen her since I moved in 2004.
THAT's where young guys are going to have to look -- word of mouth, and chapel-hopping.
-
I chose marriage because it's where I saw myself best equipped to serve God.
I had a tough time of vocation-discerning. I started worrying about it at 12 and I think Our Lord made me wait longer because I was so impatient. I had to be taught a lesson lol. I spent all those years in anxious misery and finally got more clarity in my mid-twenties. To be fair, I had phenomenal guides who couldn't figure me out either. Nuns, priests, superiors, bishops, who all knew me well for many years...they all had the same story...they could see me going either way. Very frustrating when you're all but begging someone, anyone, to give you definite answers!
Some things that helped:
A friend enlightened me about the fact that admiring religious life =/= having a vocation. We should ALL admire religious life, regardless. This may not be a bombshell for anyone else but it was a huge aha moment for me. I had been mistaking admiration for religious life for a calling to it and I was trying to force it upon myself when it wasn't really what I wanted. Only what I appreciated and admired...from afar.
Another mistake I was making was in believing (without realizing it fully) that whatever I wanted, God would want the opposite. I grew up with the entertaining stories of people who wanted to marry but had vocations and vice versa. Those stories are great, but the idea that what God wants is opposite from what we want somehow got overblown in an unhealthy way in my subconscious. I allowed that to torture me (I wanted marriage, so God must want a vocation) for years and it wasn't until God mercifully lifted my fog that I realized I was doing that and that it was destructive.
Health was a more practical factor. Mother Superior knew my diet and purposely went off it to see how I would do. I did not fare well. It wasn't enough for her to say no altogether but it became, in my mind, a sign. It wasn't absolute but it was something, a small piece.
Not everyone will have the same experience of having literally everybody be unsure along with you, lol. Even when I left the convent Mother Superior was on the fence. But most people would leave with a more definitive answer, so I highly recommend people who are unsure to offer themselves to God. What do you have to lose? If God says "no vocation" through your superiors, well, then you can marry with peace of mind.
Probably not everyone holds that opinion but that's how it happened for me and I think more people would benefit from that view as well. Had I not tried, had I not made the offer, I'm not sure I could have married without doubt. Going to the convent was not a magical answer, I spent a little time and even after leaving, I still had doubts, but it was a huge step in the right direction.
It took another year of soul-searching, but with much more clarity this time. Then I met my husband and I knew. I was already realizing I had wanted marriage all along, that that was where I would be in better service and he was the last straw. But in a good way lol.
It really just boils down to where can we serve God best? The virtues required are the same and they both have pros and cons so we can't think of it in terms of what's easier or where we think we can get away with not cultivating this or that virtue...generally speaking a good father would make a good priest and a good mother would make a good nun.
The idea that marriage is a cop-out from virtues such as purity or devotion or that religious life is a cop-out from all the patience, sacrifices and responsibilities required in family life are myths. The virtues to be developed are all the same, they are simply cultivated in different circuŠ¼stances. The strength and exercise of the will required is the same as well.
In which circuŠ¼stances do you think you would be most successful?
-
I was already realizing I had wanted marriage all along, that that was where I would be in better service and he was the last straw. But in a good way lol.
Was that line part of your acceptance of his proposal? LOL!
"Well, sweetheart, you're the last straw...but in a good way...sure, I'll marry you!"
:laugh2:
Uh, before you tear into me, please try to remember that I love you and am simply an incorrigible smart ass :)
-
I don't recall any signs other than the fact that I was very much in love with my wife and wanted very much to have children.
-
Sigi,
That is like saying I don't recall any light...other than THE SUN!!! LOL! :laugh2:
-
Indeed! :smile:
-
MyrnaM said:
Reading these forums I always feel there are more men looking for Catholic women then women looking for Catholic men. I wonder why that is?
Maybe that is the impression when you read the forums, since online chat seems to be predominantly single men and married females. But the impression I get from the CMRI chapels in Southern California, at least, is that there are FAR more eligible females there than there are males. I know of one family that seems to have eight or nine thousand daughters, a new one every time you see them, lol, and I wonder how they will get married. Maybe the boys from one of the large families will marry the girls from another. But it's clear that, unless these people step outside the sedevacantist world, many of them will never be married.
When you factor in that many people are shy and there probably isn't a lot of possibility of courtship, the situation looks even worse. Which suits me fine, the more virgins the better, even if they're forced into virginity by a dearth of beaus. ( It's not every day you get to use a phrase like "dearth of beaus," I'm happy now ).
Catholic Match should just change its name to "Match." I guess it's already taken; well, too bad. I like how they ask you seven questions about whether or not you accept various dogmas. If you answer "no" to any of these questions, you're not Catholic, so why go on the site "Catholic Match"? And why does the site offer you the option of being non-Catholic in the first place? Undoubtedly to avoid the fate of trad dating sites which are underpopulated, to say the least. There are some decent, seemingly orthodox Vatican II girls there, at least they accept all the dogmas, but they usually say something about John-Paul II the Wondrous or have a kind of airy-fairy simplistic attitude, for instance, one wrote "I like to love and be loved." Even the orthodox Vatican II people are not exactly battle-ready, there's no sense of a war against the world, the flesh, and the devil, it's all lovey-dovey and slightly hippie to me. Worldly, is the word I'm looking for. Many of these women expect too much from life, they don't seem to understand that it's about suffering. There is a wholesale denial of reality going on out there that makes people weak, and you don't want to be saddled with a weakling who crumbles at the first sign of trouble. Because there is going to be LOTS of trouble ahead, and for all of us.
Of course, I don't want to be married, but I have a problem with curiosity, I like to see what's out there just on the 1% off chance that maybe God wants me to be married after all.
-
I was already realizing I had wanted marriage all along, that that was where I would be in better service and he was the last straw. But in a good way lol.
Was that line part of your acceptance of his proposal? LOL!
"Well, sweetheart, you're the last straw...but in a good way...sure, I'll marry you!"
:laugh2:
Uh, before you tear into me, please try to remember that I love you and am simply an incorrigible smart ass :)
Lol! No we were too busy laughing at the cow mooing in the background. (Don't ask!) :facepalm: :laugh1:
-
I don't recall any signs other than the fact that I was very much in love with my wife and wanted very much to have children.
What if you want to be married and have children.. But the idea of actually raising the children and dealing with a hormonal wife depresses you? :scared2:
:laugh1:
But seriously.. I have not found myself as being drawn to anything other than marriage, and as I've said before (or at least I think I've said that before :sleep:), it's the only thing I ever think about in terms of vocation. With the current crisis of faith, I find it depressing that most people (but women in this case, since that is the topic here) don't even accept that there is a crisis. If they are "Catholic", they are N.O. "Catholics" and hence don't believe in EVERYTHING the Church teaches, and probably wouldn't even if they were met with true Church teaching, because of the amount of indoctrination they've received and their sheer bad will.
Maybe marriage isn't my vocation.. Maybe it is. I don't know. I think it's going to be a while before I ever even start thinking about dating. I don't really like talking to people I don't know if I don't have to or am not very inclined to in any way. This is obviously going to be problematic if I ever DO get in the dating world. Certainly though, I will need more prayer. I'm just not sure how long it will take for me to discern a vocation.
-
I should start a thread about it as I have some theories and was wondering if this pattern extended into "real life" -- it seems to do so here.
You should! I want to read those theories.
But the impression I get from the CMRI chapels in Southern California, at least, is that there are FAR more eligible females there than there are males.
That's my impression too.
There seems to be a dichotomy between the "internet world" and the "extra-net world:" in the former there seems to be a lot of single traditional Catholic guys who are perchance too shy to approach living human women in the latter; but there may also be other societal, psychological, and other situational factors that may explain this phenomenon.
First, there aren't very many YOUNG people there (as in, younger than 30).
Second, several of the women had children already. I can certainly understand a guy -- particularly one who is younger, or never been married -- preferring otherwise.
I looked at the pics of the guys, and started to get depressed for my daughters' sake. (I have 3 daughters so far) Hopefully the mix will change in 15 years :laugh1:
I noticed that too!
I would be depressed for my conditionally future daughters too, if that's all there was. I'd start making their Religious habits during their toddler years...
THAT's where young guys are going to have to look -- word of mouth, and chapel-hopping.
Yes. Even when you meet someone online, there was to be contact not only between the young men and their beloveds, but also between their families (especially the fathers!).
-
Hmmmm, how about an arranged marriage, parents picking now their mates for their little ones.
We better be nice to each other, we might all be related someday. lol!~
-
My theory is that you attract what you say and think.
Try another thought at least for one whole day. Think about the joys of marriage: some one to talk to, pray with, share children with (when you have your own children all the fussing of them becomes insignificant). The growth in your faith is unimaginable and the love keeps growing and growing.
Now, enough of this "hormonal" woman stuff.
I don't know the availability of a good Trad Catholic woman but I know you are in the right Church to find one. So, keep a positive outlook and keep praying.
sheep
-
What does it matter where she lives? You need visit her only once or twice to know if you click, then communicate and court her via the telephone or skype or both. My friend Louis is getting married on thursday I believe. He is from Louisiana originally and lives in Toronto, his fiancee is from California and lives in Minnisota and they're being married in Colorado then going to live for a time in Toronto until he finishes his PhD and then whereever the money is with consideration for where an SSPX chapel is etc would determine where he lives.
I figure you can talk to them for a bit, if one strikes your fancy you can arrange to call her, if you're still interested you can meet her, if all works out I believe it takes a year before Catholics can marry what is the rush in being near her? You're not going to be making any children until the marriage.
I havn't been on the site long but I am talking to a few girls on their. I also am keeping open to meeting some around me which would be more convenient perhaps but I would not limit myself in any way.
That's my opinion anyhow.
This.
My theory is that you attract what you say and think.
Try another thought at least for one whole day. Think about the joys of marriage: some one to talk to, pray with, share children with (when you have your own children all the fussing of them becomes insignificant). The growth in your faith is unimaginable and the love keeps growing and growing.
Now, enough of this "hormonal" woman stuff.
I don't know the availability of a good Trad Catholic woman but I know you are in the right Church to find one. So, keep a positive outlook and keep praying.
This, too.
-
What made you choose marriage?
Very simple. I was madly in love and wanted to spend the rest of my life with my hubby. =)