Author Topic: What Kind of Parent Are You? (Read 743 times)

Zeitun · « **on:** May 23, 2013, 01:11:50 PM »

This questions is for parents only:

Is it important to you that your children LIKE you and do you seek their cooperation in raising them?

OR

Is it important to you that your children FEAR you and do you discount their desires in all decisions?

TKGS · « **Reply #1 on:** May 23, 2013, 02:20:03 PM »

Neither.

It is important to me that my children honor me and their mother, obey us in all that is not sinful, learn what we teach them and put those lessons into practice. (It is gratifying to get up on a Saturday morning and find one or two children in the living room saying their Daily Offering individually since we do not say it as a family on non-school days.)

This does not require "liking" us or "fearing" us and the question present a false choice.

I can tell you that there are many times my children do not "like" me, especially when I send them to bed at bedtime when they want to stay up or require them to do their chores when they wanted to play. I hope that my children truly "fear" disappointing their parents more than they wish to fulfill any particular desire they have at any given time.

I will say that I am certainly not any of my children's "best friend". Interestingly, I'd say that my children are all closer to each other than to any one else.

SoldierOfChrist · « **Reply #2 on:** May 23, 2013, 02:53:49 PM »

My wife and I have a baby boy, so a lot of this still rests in the future. That being said, it is important to me that our son grows up happy and joyful. I hope that we are able to indulge him when he merits it, but we will not indulge sinfulness. If he ever starts going off the rails, he will find me to be a stern master. But I have no reason to see that happening as he is currently developing quite well. The most important thing for us is to raise him to be knowledgeable of the Faith and to foster in him a love of God. We will indulge his happiness so long as he continues to show that he is moving along down that path. However, we will also teach him penance and prudence. When he grows up, it will be more important to me that he loves me than that he likes me. I hope that, as TKGS said, he will fear disappointing me and I hope that I never have to make him fear me in any other way. If I do, then that will be because WE did something wrong along the way.

momofmany · « **Reply #3 on:** May 23, 2013, 03:22:48 PM »

Neither.

I don't want them to 'like' me or fear me. I want them to respect and love me.

Same way I don't always like their behavior, I always love them.

I strive for my children to know that while they may not always like or agree with decisions I make on their behalf they always know that they are done with love.

As for their input on decisions, that depends on age. My little ones get input on simple decisions (this shirt or that shirt?) and what decisions they get to have input on get slowly more and more important until the roles are reversed and they are making the decisions as young adults and we are giving the input.

What this ends up looking like are 20 and 18 year olds who come to their parents to get advice, listen to options, generally converse about things and then go on to make their own decisions and to own the consequences be they good or bad. So far they are doing pretty well although all of my children have plenty of time in front of them to make mistakes....lots of them.

Napoli · « **Reply #4 on:** May 23, 2013, 04:06:58 PM »

Ditto,

The question cannot be answered so simply. There is an element of all the answers in the ultimate answer.
The only way to do it is with the help of The Holy Ghost, praying and perseverance. Ultimately, accepting God's will with a humble heart.

Pax

Tiffany · « **Reply #5 on:** May 23, 2013, 04:13:41 PM »

There was a good article in No Great Joy once about mom's word being like the law of the Medes and the Persians.