Be sure to say the rosary together daily, if possible. Together is important.Families that pray together stay together as the saying goes.
I'd suggest having a chat about where you'd like to live and in general where you yourself in the future before tying the knot. You don't have to agree on absolutely everything, but if the lifestyle, location, etc. one of you would like would be torture for the other it's better to discuss that and see if you can compromise before it's too late.You don’t have to agree on everything but as a future wife you do have to be happy that you respect your husband sufficiently and that he is completely committed to Church teaching such that you can submit to him as your ‘head’ willingly and in the knowledge that in doing so you will honour God.
Consider the possibility that you can not have children since it is not a guarantee. Discuss this possibility with your potential spouse. Given our older age when we met, we were already on board with "if it's God's Will", so this wasn't an issue for us, but I imagine that younger Catholic couples don't even consider the possibility of infertility.And equally if you marry young that you may be blessed with a very large family.
Carefully examine whether one of you may have a vocation to the Church before getting too serious.I’ve always wondered what happens if a husband or wife realizes to Late they were called to priesthood/nun life? That couldn’t be a very good feeling.
I’ve always wondered what happens if a husband or wife realizes to Late they were called to priesthood/nun life? That couldn’t be a very good feeling.The Byzantine/(also the Orthodox Church) has married subdeacons/deacons, but that system hasn't been in place in the Western Church for thousands of years.
Don't bear the yoke with unbelievers. But beyond that, make sure your spouse is a solid, serious Catholic. That shared faith will give you the means to solve any problems and challenges that will appear later in your married life.Matthew, I think this is great. What feminist don’t understand is that while motherhood is rewarding. It takes time to see that reward. Every milestone of religious growth, mental, and physical is a compliment to the mother’s perseverance. It took me a while to understand that the best reward takes time.
Ladies: make sure your prospective spouse can work. Make sure he can do things he "doesn't want to do" -- in other words, make sure he has a certain minimum level of mortification or self-discipline. Without that, he will be nothing but trouble. In fact, without self-discipline he's likely to be wallowing in sin (rather than fighting sin at all times) as well.
Men: The above advice applies to ladies as well -- they need to be able to work, albeit different kinds of work (housework, being pregnant, raising children, homeschooling, "frugality" tasks to help save the household money, etc.) Make sure your wife has a low degree of feminism. 0% is too much to hope for, but make sure she's content being a stay-at-home wife and mother rather than the co-equal head of the household. Make sure she's willing to believe that motherhood is a lofty role and not some kind of degrading role, beneath her dignity, invented by "the Patriarchy". Make sure she hasn't bought into the bill of goods that a career (working for The Man in a cubicle 40 hours a week) is the only way to live a fulfilling life.
The Byzantine/(also the Orthodox Church) has married subdeacons/deacons, but that system hasn't been in place in the Western Church for thousands of years.
So, I don't know. That's actually a very good question.
That's why young men and women need to try out a vocation while they're single, unfettered, and have nothing but time.Agreed. And it's the ridiculous attitude that "oh I'm not asɛҳuąƖ, therefore I'm not fit to be a priest" which caused the priesthood to be filled with these lavendar mafia pedos in the first place.
And young men need to investigate a vocation even if they feel attracted to women, and confuse that with a calling to the married state. What, do you think priests are a bunch of fαɢɢօts? I know that sounds harsh, but such is the LOGICAL CONCLUSION of the fallacious arguments of some young men!
If every man who was attracted to women had a "vocation" to the married life, then only asɛҳuąƖs (defective) and fαɢɢօts (perverts) would be left to become priests. Ridiculous!
What's really tragic is when young men stubbornly assert they are called to the married state even though they are in their late 30s or 40s and God hasn't sent them a suitable marriage partner yet! Again, they are just experiencing the attraction to women that every normal, non-damaged, intact, post-puberty male experiences.
Priests (bishops, etc.) are normal, red-blooded men. But unlike laymen, they make a sacrifice of their lives for God.
How about for handling arguments? It doesn’t Matter really how much you agree on. Things happen in marriages such as hurt feelings, and misunderstandings.I tend to think of it as learning how to respond rather than react.
I would say that women need to ask for time to process things the husband is saying if they feel like may have a negative reaction. Or I’ll repeat back what he says so he knows I’ve heard him if we are having a fight about something I may have done to hurt his feelings. We also have a rule that no matter what if the person calls truce we stop the argument completely. We don’t even try to approach sensitive subjects until a few days later when all feelings are calm.
Women need to know that men were created by God to be different. He is not meant to be like a best girlfriend. I don't know of any Catholic books that address this, but a couple of secular books are Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men.That’s probably true. Men are fixers, and when you give them a problem that’s what they will want to do. Then we get upset because we just wanted someone to commiserate with us. Every Man should be good at romance though lol I think that’s different than being touchy feely
Many divorces and marriage difficulties arise because our disgusting culture, among other problems, has de-gendered our culture. Deluded women expect their husbands to have feminine characteristics, be all touchy- feely, talk about their feelings, cry, etc. God made men to lead, to protect, to provide, to problem-solve -- not to be a girlfriend.
That’s probably true. Men are fixers, and when you give them a problem that’s what they will want to do. Then we get upset because we just wanted someone to commiserate with us. Every Man should be good at romance though lol I think that’s different than being touchy feelyExactly. In one of the books I used when I taught Marriage class, the example was used of a woman who had breast cancer was facing possible loss of one or both breasts, and needed moral support. Had she turned to one of her female friends, they would have recognized her emotional overload and held her and let her cry.
Exactly, now I do have female friends, but I love talking to my husband about everything. There is nothing i don’t tell him really. If it’s mindless chatter I keep it to myself, or girlfriends. But when I need to vent I’ll tell him I just need to get this off my chest, and I’m not looking for an answer/fix. He does a good job acting upset with me, even if he thinks it’s ridiculous lol I love him for it.You are a wise woman.
I’ve always wondered what happens if a husband or wife realizes to Late they were called to priesthood/nun life? That couldn’t be a very good feeling.I bet Bishop Williamson would like the movie though.
Carefully examine whether one of you may have a vocation to the Church before getting too serious.
37. We have recently with sorrow censured the opinion of those who contend that marriage is the only means of assuring the natural development and perfection of the human personality. For there are those who maintain that the grace of the sacrament, conferred ex opere operato, renders the use of marriage so holy as to be a fitter instrument than virginity for uniting souls with God; for marriage is a sacrament, but not virginity. We denounce this doctrine as a dangerous error. Certainly, the sacrament grants the married couple the grace to accomplish holily the duties of their married state, and it strengthens the bonds of mutual affection that unite them; but the purpose of its institution was not to make the employment of marriage the means, most suitable in itself, for uniting the souls of the husband and wife with God by the bonds of charity.
What's really tragic is when young men stubbornly assert they are called to the married state even though they are in their late 30s or 40s and God hasn't sent them a suitable marriage partner yet!Reminds me of those who objected to St. Ambroses's promotion of the religious life, in which he defends himself by saying it is not difficult to find a wife:
One favorite topic of his was the excellence of virginity, and so successful was he in persuading maidens to adopt the religious profession that many a mother refused to permit her daughters to listen to his words. The saint was forced to refute the charge that he was depopulating the empire, by quaintly appealing to the young men as to whether any of them experienced any difficulty in finding wives. He contends, and the experience of ages sustains his contention (De Virg. (https://archive.org/details/onholyvirginity00ambr), vii) that the population increases in direct proportion to the esteem in which virginity is held.—Herbermann, Charles, ed. (1913). St. Ambrose (https://archive.org/stream/V01CatholicEncyclopediaKOfC#page/n427/mode/2up). Catholic Encyclopedia. New York: Robert Appleton Company.
If every man who was attracted to women had a "vocation" to the married life, then only asɛҳuąƖs (defective) and fαɢɢօts (perverts) would be left to become priests. Ridiculous!
Exactly. In one of the books I used when I taught Marriage class, the example was used of a woman who had breast cancer was facing possible loss of one or both breasts, and needed moral support. Had she turned to one of her female friends, they would have recognized her emotional overload and held her and let her cry.
However, when she told her husband about her pain at the loss of her breast/s, he wanted to fix things, since God wired men to fix things. Her DH said "Well, you could always have breast reconstruction surgery."
As a woman, you can imagine how that went over.
Many men, hearing this, don't see what the problem was. He was just trying to help her.
And he was.
Exactly. In one of the books I used when I taught Marriage class, the example was used of a woman who had breast cancer was facing possible loss of one or both breasts, and needed moral support. Had she turned to one of her female friends, they would have recognized her emotional overload and held her and let her cry.
However, when she told her husband about her pain at the loss of her breast/s, he wanted to fix things, since God wired men to fix things. Her DH said "Well, you could always have breast reconstruction surgery."
As a woman, you can imagine how that went over.
Many men, hearing this, don't see what the problem was. He was just trying to help her.
And he was.
This is the typical "Men are from Mars" scenario. Indeed, it took me many, many years to figure this out myself. Even now I find myself slipping. Something's wrong, and I see a solution, so I propose the solution. Sometimes it even turns out that a solution was not even wanted, just sympathy. In fact, I almost suspect that sometimes women don't want a solution because that would remove a reason to receive sympathy. :).
Interestingly, I had a Traditional priest once probe me about a potential vocation to the priesthood (when I was making a Confession). One of the things he asked me was, "Are you attracted to women?" I was a bit confused by that question. Am I not supposed to be?Perhaps he meant: "Are you attracted to women [more than to prayer, etc.]?"
.Haha that's great!
Good points above. Here's a video that relates to that.... ;)
It's Not About The Nail (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg)
Perhaps he meant: "Are you attracted to women [more than to prayer, etc.]?"
This is the typical "Men are from Mars" scenario. Indeed, it took me many, many years to figure this out myself. Even now I find myself slipping. Something's wrong, and I see a solution, so I propose the solution. Sometimes it even turns out that a solution was not even wanted, just sympathy. In fact, I almost suspect that sometimes women don't want a solution because that would remove a reason to receive sympathy. :)I saw that book recommended several times on cathinfo so I recently bought it. Currently reading through chapter 4 and while I think it has very useful advice I have noticed the secular and even feminist tendencies in it.
That's why young men and women need to try out a vocation while they're single, unfettered, and have nothing but time.One of my favorite priests was not ordained until his wife had passed and his children grown.
And young men need to investigate a vocation even if they feel attracted to women, and confuse that with a calling to the married state. What, do you think priests are a bunch of fαɢɢօts? I know that sounds harsh, but such is the LOGICAL CONCLUSION of the fallacious arguments of some young men!
If every man who was attracted to women had a "vocation" to the married life, then only asɛҳuąƖs (defective) and fαɢɢօts (perverts) would be left to become priests. Ridiculous!
What's really tragic is when young men stubbornly assert they are called to the married state even though they are in their late 30s or 40s and God hasn't sent them a suitable marriage partner yet! Again, they are just experiencing the attraction to women that every normal, non-damaged, intact, post-puberty male experiences.
Priests (bishops, etc.) are normal, red-blooded men. But unlike laymen, they make a sacrifice of their lives for God.
Remember that communication is very important.Yes! I remember a friend saying that when the family was driving home from the beach, sandy, tired and hungry, she kept hinting to him "Oh look there's that pizza chain we like. Look, that little burger place looks good. When they got home she was faced with fixing dinner and getting the little ones washed of the sand. She started banding pots and pans in the kitchen and her husband asked "what's wrong?" She said "you wouldn't stop for something to eat." He said "why didn't you ask me?" etc.
Sometimes one spouse will want or be in need of assistance and expect the other to know what they want without being asked.
If upset about something or feelings are hurt, take some time to pray before speaking.
I’ve always wondered what happens if a husband or wife realizes to Late they were called to priesthood/nun life?That happened to St. Rita of Cascia (https://isidore.co/calibre/#panel=book_details&book_id=6225) and many others.
“The Wife Desired (https://isidore.co/calibre/#panel=book_details&book_id=9447)” and “The Man For Her (https://isidore.co/calibre/#panel=book_details&book_id=9532)” by Fr Leo J. Kinsella are must Reads.These are the best marriage books I've read. Fr. Kinsella delves into the nitty-gritty, practical aspects, based upon his counseling hundreds of couples.
Interestingly, I had a Traditional priest once probe me about a potential vocation to the priesthood (when I was making a Confession). One of the things he asked me was, "Are you attracted to women?" I was a bit confused by that question. Am I not supposed to be?
Yes! I remember a friend saying that when the family was driving home from the beach, sandy, tired and hungry, she kept hinting to him "Oh look there's that pizza chain we like. Look, that little burger place looks good. When they got home she was faced with fixing dinner and getting the little ones washed of the sand. She started banding pots and pans in the kitchen and her husband asked "what's wrong?" She said "you wouldn't stop for something to eat." He said "why didn't you ask me?" etc.
I'm going to side with the wife in this case.Some men are slow to take social cues! He can still redeem himself. Give his wife the choice of cleaning up the kids while he gets take-out, he cleans the kids while she gets take out, or depending upon where they live, they both clean up the kids and call DoorDash or GrubHub!
If a man can afford a family vacation, day trip, field trip, outing to the beach, or whatever, you can PLAN and afford to eat out afterward. And even if you are too poor to eat out, either you PLAN bringing something in a picnic basket from the grocery store, or you do the mainstream "stop for fast food". Those are your two choices.
The husband in this case was a real doofus.
You don't just make your wife fix dinner while she and everyone else is tired, hungry, and dirty. That's ridiculous.
I saw that book recommended several times on cathinfo so I recently bought it. Currently reading through chapter 4 and while I think it has very useful advice I have noticed the secular and even feminist tendencies in it.It does seem manipulative. And besides, not every husband is going to fall for that. She could express her desire to go on vacation and leave it at that and maybe the husband might surprise her with one.
Take this image, in the top bullet point. The context on this was setting and respecting limits/boundaries. I was quite shocked to see this example, a wife should never suggest going on a vacation alone, it was basically a threat. No if the wife really needs a vacation a good discussion with the husband should take place and never a threat of going alone, the implications of which are terrible. Personally I found this point to be very disrespectful to the husband I am not sure why the author included it.
And some pages earlier it states, to quote;
"Similarly, many women today are also tired of giving. They want time off. Time to explore being themselves. Time to care about themselves first."
While this book was written many decades ago, as soon I see the expression or similar expressions to "explore being themselves" I get big alarms bells.
Still so far I think the book has been worth it, I just need to be careful due to the secular nature of the work.
Yes! I remember a friend saying that when the family was driving home from the beach, sandy, tired and hungry, she kept hinting to him "Oh look there's that pizza chain we like. Look, that little burger place looks good. When they got home she was faced with fixing dinner and getting the little ones washed of the sand. She started banding pots and pans in the kitchen and her husband asked "what's wrong?" She said "you wouldn't stop for something to eat." He said "why didn't you ask me?" etc.I see this as potentially being one-sided and somewhat husband-bashing.
…The husband in this case was a real doofus.
You don't just make your wife fix dinner while she and everyone else is tired, hungry, and dirty after a long day of exhausting fun. That's ridiculous.
I see this as potentially being one-sided and somewhat husband-bashing.
He did say, "why didn't you ask me?" because he can't read her mind?
She was banging pots and pans instead of communicating her needs.
I don't think she was forced to fix dinner. She could have order food for the family herself, left the kids with the husband and got some convenient food and came home, husband could fix the food while she relaxed, etc. I'm sure the husband would have done something if his wife communicated to him that she just couldn't make dinner because she was too exhausted.
Yes! I remember a friend saying that when the family was driving home from the beach, sandy, tired and hungry, she kept hinting to him "Oh look there's that pizza chain we like. Look, that little burger place looks good. When they got home she was faced with fixing dinner and getting the little ones washed of the sand. She started banding pots and pans in the kitchen and her husband asked "what's wrong?" She said "you wouldn't stop for something to eat." He said "why didn't you ask me?" etc.Sorry I didn't clarify (back pain made me stop and just say etc). My takeaway from this was that we women need to be explicit when we talk to our husbands. A woman listener would have understood that what the woman wanted by the first hint, but in communicating with our husbands we need to clearly say exactly what we need, as in "I'm not up for cooking tonight" or"I just need a hug right now."
In many cases it crosses the line into the Autism Spectrum. A couple of 'spergs on CathInfo, one male, one female, come to mind.
Now, now, that's not nice. I do not have Asperger's or Autism. :laugh1: ... Well, actually, I may just be at the very beginning of the spectrum, now that I think about it.Hey I was going to ask who the man was, I figured I was the woman. :laugh1:
Now, now, that's not nice. I do not have Asperger's or Autism. :laugh1: ... Well, actually, I may just be at the very beginning of the spectrum, now that I think about it.No, it's not you. The "man" already knows because I told xim so. Xe eased up and stopped inflicting ximself upon us for a time, but xe has been back at it.
I see this as potentially being one-sided and somewhat husband-bashing.Yes men don't get hints. It is much better to be direct.
He did say, "why didn't you ask me?" because he can't read her mind?
She was banging pots and pans instead of communicating her needs.
I don't think she was forced to fix dinner. She could have order food for the family herself, left the kids with the husband and got some convenient food and came home, husband could fix the food while she relaxed, etc. I'm sure the husband would have done something if his wife communicated to him that she just couldn't make dinner because she was too exhausted.
Yes men don't get hints. It is much better to be direct.Yes Gray, thank you for getting what I was trying to say. That little story has helped me tremendously.
Well, $500 of that is "cost sharing" Christian co-op health insurance for the 2 parents.Some Christian co-op healthcare cost sharing require you to sign off a protestant faith precepts though ...