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Offline Ladislaus

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Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
« Reply #30 on: January 30, 2019, 06:37:29 PM »
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  • If every man who was attracted to women had a "vocation" to the married life, then only asexuals (defective) and faggots (perverts) would be left to become priests. Ridiculous!

    Interestingly, I had a Traditional priest once probe me about a potential vocation to the priesthood (when I was making a Confession).  One of the things he asked me was, "Are you attracted to women?"  I was a bit confused by that question.  Am I not supposed to be?

    Offline Ladislaus

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #31 on: January 30, 2019, 06:42:01 PM »
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  • Exactly. In one of the books I used when I taught Marriage class, the example was used of a woman who had breast cancer was facing possible loss of one or both breasts, and needed moral support. Had she turned to one of her female friends, they would have recognized her emotional overload and held her and let her cry.
    However, when she told her husband about her pain at the loss of her breast/s, he wanted to fix things, since God wired men to fix things. Her DH said "Well, you could always have breast reconstruction surgery."
    As a woman, you can imagine how that went over.
    Many men, hearing this, don't see what the problem was. He was just trying to help her.
    And he was.

    This is the typical "Men are from Mars" scenario.  Indeed, it took me many, many years to figure this out myself.  Even now I find myself slipping.  Something's wrong, and I see a solution, so I propose the solution.  Sometimes it even turns out that a solution was not even wanted, just sympathy.  In fact, I almost suspect that sometimes women don't want a solution because that would remove a reason to receive sympathy.   :)


    Offline Marie Teresa

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #32 on: January 30, 2019, 08:31:08 PM »
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  • Exactly. In one of the books I used when I taught Marriage class, the example was used of a woman who had breast cancer was facing possible loss of one or both breasts, and needed moral support. Had she turned to one of her female friends, they would have recognized her emotional overload and held her and let her cry.
    However, when she told her husband about her pain at the loss of her breast/s, he wanted to fix things, since God wired men to fix things. Her DH said "Well, you could always have breast reconstruction surgery."
    As a woman, you can imagine how that went over.
    Many men, hearing this, don't see what the problem was. He was just trying to help her.
    And he was.
    This is the typical "Men are from Mars" scenario.  Indeed, it took me many, many years to figure this out myself.  Even now I find myself slipping.  Something's wrong, and I see a solution, so I propose the solution.  Sometimes it even turns out that a solution was not even wanted, just sympathy.  In fact, I almost suspect that sometimes women don't want a solution because that would remove a reason to receive sympathy.   :)
    .
    Good points above.  Here's a video that relates to that....  ;)





    Offline Geremia

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #33 on: January 30, 2019, 09:24:31 PM »
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  • Interestingly, I had a Traditional priest once probe me about a potential vocation to the priesthood (when I was making a Confession).  One of the things he asked me was, "Are you attracted to women?"  I was a bit confused by that question.  Am I not supposed to be?
    Perhaps he meant: "Are you attracted to women [more than to prayer, etc.]?"
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    Offline Croixalist

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #34 on: January 31, 2019, 09:09:34 AM »
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  • .
    Good points above.  Here's a video that relates to that....  ;)


    Haha that's great! 
    I think it would be fair to say that women have a bigger emphasis on longsuffering which makes sense considering that they often are made to conform or adapt to the pace of others, so when things get bad they get stuck in ways most men don't, though they have more channels for relieving the stress then men do. Most of the time I think it's beneficial.The worst case might look something like that skit, where the woman really hasn't thought her situation over much at all, but doesn't have the maturity to take a little bit of good-natured advise because it makes her feel foolish. They treat their symptomatic feelings ahead of the root cause.
    Even when there are things men can't change in the near future, we usually break it down into scenarios, where it could be overcome and hope it happens. Or, we try to divert the helplessness by focusing on identifying the problem in a systematic way. That's if we don't take the stoic approach and just not talk about it with anyone. More than sympathy, most guys are looking to provide space for action with whoever we agree or disagree with. The immature male equivalent of the lady with the nail in her forehead might be a man who acts out emotionally on everything but the problem with a sledgehammer. 
    So sympathy sessions typically strengthen social ties between females, just as men strengthen friendships by throwing out solutions even if it means locking horns. And then there's marriage where all of this gets thrown into a blender anyway, lol.
    Fortuna finem habet.


    Offline Ladislaus

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #35 on: January 31, 2019, 09:25:21 AM »
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  • Perhaps he meant: "Are you attracted to women [more than to prayer, etc.]?"

    Perhaps.  That was 31 years ago now, and I'm married, so it's no longer relevant.   :)  I just recalled that incident after Matthew brought up that of course men considering a vocation are (should be) attracted to women.

     

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