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Offline Matthew

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Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
« Reply #15 on: January 06, 2019, 11:14:26 AM »
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  • The Byzantine/(also the Orthodox Church) has married subdeacons/deacons, but that system hasn't been in place in the Western Church for thousands of years.

    So, I don't know. That's actually a very good question.

    That's why young men and women need to try out a vocation while they're single, unfettered, and have nothing but time.

    And young men need to investigate a vocation even if they feel attracted to women, and confuse that with a calling to the married state. What, do you think priests are a bunch of faggots? I know that sounds harsh, but such is the LOGICAL CONCLUSION of the fallacious arguments of some young men!

    If every man who was attracted to women had a "vocation" to the married life, then only asexuals (defective) and faggots (perverts) would be left to become priests. Ridiculous!

    What's really tragic is when young men stubbornly assert they are called to the married state even though they are in their late 30s or 40s and God hasn't sent them a suitable marriage partner yet! Again, they are just experiencing the attraction to women that every normal, non-damaged, intact, post-puberty male experiences.

    Priests (bishops, etc.) are normal, red-blooded men. But unlike laymen, they make a sacrifice of their lives for God.
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    Offline forlorn

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #16 on: January 06, 2019, 04:05:57 PM »
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  • That's why young men and women need to try out a vocation while they're single, unfettered, and have nothing but time.

    And young men need to investigate a vocation even if they feel attracted to women, and confuse that with a calling to the married state. What, do you think priests are a bunch of faggots? I know that sounds harsh, but such is the LOGICAL CONCLUSION of the fallacious arguments of some young men!

    If every man who was attracted to women had a "vocation" to the married life, then only asexuals (defective) and faggots (perverts) would be left to become priests. Ridiculous!

    What's really tragic is when young men stubbornly assert they are called to the married state even though they are in their late 30s or 40s and God hasn't sent them a suitable marriage partner yet! Again, they are just experiencing the attraction to women that every normal, non-damaged, intact, post-puberty male experiences.

    Priests (bishops, etc.) are normal, red-blooded men. But unlike laymen, they make a sacrifice of their lives for God.
    Agreed. And it's the ridiculous attitude that "oh I'm not asexual, therefore I'm not fit to be a priest" which caused the priesthood to be filled with these lavendar mafia pedos in the first place. 


    Offline magdalena59

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #17 on: January 06, 2019, 04:58:15 PM »
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  • Remember that communication is very important. 
    Sometimes one spouse will want or be in need of assistance and expect the other to know what they want without being asked.  
    If upset about something or feelings are hurt, take some time to pray before speaking. 

    Therefore, brethren, stand fast; and hold the traditions which you have learned, whether by word, or by our epistle. 2Thessalonians 2:15

    Offline Cera

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #18 on: January 06, 2019, 07:22:08 PM »
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  • Women need to know that men were created by God to be different. He is not meant to be like a best girlfriend. I don't know of any Catholic books that address this, but a couple of secular books are Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men.

    Many divorces and marriage difficulties arise because our disgusting culture, among other problems, has de-gendered our culture. Deluded women expect their husbands to have feminine characteristics, be all touchy- feely, talk about their feelings, cry, etc. God made men to lead, to protect, to provide, to problem-solve -- not to be a girlfriend.
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    Offline 2Vermont

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #19 on: January 06, 2019, 07:34:25 PM »
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  • How about for handling arguments? It doesn’t Matter really how much you agree on. Things happen in marriages such as hurt feelings, and misunderstandings.


    I would say that women need to ask for time to process things the husband is saying if they feel like may have a negative reaction. Or I’ll repeat back what he says so he knows I’ve heard him if we are having a fight about something I may have done to hurt his feelings. We also have a rule that no matter what if the person calls truce we stop the argument completely. We don’t even try to approach sensitive subjects until a few days later when all feelings are calm.
    I tend to think of it as learning how to respond rather than react. 
    **Gave up posting for Lent** If any one saith, that the ceremonies, vestments, and outward signs, which the Catholic Church makes use of in the celebration of masses, are incentives to impiety, rather than offices of piety; let him be anathema. - Council of Trent


    Offline Vintagewife3

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #20 on: January 06, 2019, 07:50:28 PM »
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  • Women need to know that men were created by God to be different. He is not meant to be like a best girlfriend. I don't know of any Catholic books that address this, but a couple of secular books are Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men.

    Many divorces and marriage difficulties arise because our disgusting culture, among other problems, has de-gendered our culture. Deluded women expect their husbands to have feminine characteristics, be all touchy- feely, talk about their feelings, cry, etc. God made men to lead, to protect, to provide, to problem-solve -- not to be a girlfriend.
    That’s probably true. Men are fixers, and when you give them a problem that’s what they will want to do. Then we get upset because we just wanted someone to commiserate with us. Every Man should be good at romance though lol I think that’s different than being touchy feely 

    Offline Cera

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #21 on: January 15, 2019, 03:44:59 PM »
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  • That’s probably true. Men are fixers, and when you give them a problem that’s what they will want to do. Then we get upset because we just wanted someone to commiserate with us. Every Man should be good at romance though lol I think that’s different than being touchy feely
    Exactly. In one of the books I used when I taught Marriage class, the example was used of a woman who had breast cancer was facing possible loss of one or both breasts, and needed moral support. Had she turned to one of her female friends, they would have recognized her emotional overload and held her and let her cry.
    However, when she told her husband about her pain at the loss of her breast/s, he wanted to fix things, since God wired men to fix things. Her DH said "Well, you could always have breast reconstruction surgery."
    As a woman, you can imagine how that went over.
    Many men, hearing this, don't see what the problem was. He was just trying to help her.
    And he was.
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    Offline Vintagewife3

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #22 on: January 15, 2019, 05:51:08 PM »
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  • Exactly, now I do have female friends, but I love talking to my husband about everything. There is nothing i don’t tell him really. If it’s mindless chatter I keep it to myself, or girlfriends. But when I need to vent I’ll tell him I just need to get this off my chest, and I’m not looking for an answer/fix. He does a good job acting upset with me, even if he thinks it’s ridiculous lol I love him for it. 


    Offline Cera

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #23 on: January 16, 2019, 03:40:49 PM »
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  • Exactly, now I do have female friends, but I love talking to my husband about everything. There is nothing i don’t tell him really. If it’s mindless chatter I keep it to myself, or girlfriends. But when I need to vent I’ll tell him I just need to get this off my chest, and I’m not looking for an answer/fix. He does a good job acting upset with me, even if he thinks it’s ridiculous lol I love him for it.
    You are a wise woman.
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    Offline cassini

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #24 on: January 17, 2019, 06:03:34 AM »
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  • What would you tell young young husbands, young wives, young men about to get married or young women about to get married?

    Having read replies, I wonder how many live in the real world, the world of today, or only in a close-knit group of traditiional Catholics?

    Oh if life were as simple as the latter group. Now while we can all aspire to how we would like things to be, the reality is what each of us experience. By that I mean how we were reared, how those of us in marriage experienced it, and most of all those of us who have/had children living in the real world.
    To be honest, the traditional Catholic family of parents and children is as rare as miracles today, and hoping your son or daughter will meet, fall in love and marry a traditional Catholic is very rare indeed.

    But let us start with ourselves. When I met my wife I was AWOL. I had not lost the faith, just drifted away from churchgoing in my late teens into my 20s. My wife was still going to Mass. Given what I have read so far on this thread, the advice to my wife would have been, get rid of that guy. She didn't, and soon we will celebrate our 40th wedding aniversary. My wife has a Mass planned for that day and all 15 in the family will attend before we all go off for a meal. We are more in love today than ever before and know we are the lucky ones. Indeed it was that marriage that brought me back into active service where I returned to the faith the Holy Ghost Fathers had taught me. We both wanted to rear our five children in the faith.Once you share the faith, that helps a lot, especially knowing you promised God on that wedding day to love each other until death. That is as much a promise to God as to each other. As for the other secrets of a loving marriage, well respect is number one and helping each other in any way possible number two.

    The first lessons we teach our kids goes on for years. Now that is easy until they reach about 18. I recall my father telling me when I was 18 that I was now a man who must decide for myself what is the right thing to do. By that he meant that there is no point in telling someone what to do at that age, it must come from within. When my kids reached 18 I had to hope they would continue with the faith they were reared in. Going to Mass because their parents would give them hell if they didn't doesn't work. As soon as you are gone they will stop. Again, thank God, they all still go and will after we are gone, I hope and pray. It will be harder for them than it was for us, given the rot in the world today.

    But, but, where do they meet husbands or wives? Yes, a few are lucky to meert traditional Catholics like themselves and live happy ever after. But the rest have to look elsewhere. On two occassions I have been asked for my daughters' hands in marriage. They were not traditional Catholics but lapsed Catholics like I was when I got married. So what did I say to them? I said I ask only one thing they must promise me, support my daughter in her Catholic faith. It worked and while the husbands only go to Latin Mass occassionally, the girls and the kids are there every sunday. They do defend pro-life etc among friends and acquaintances and on media of the young but they are up against it today, 99 to 1. That is the world our kids live in today and God help them.

    Offline ggreg

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #25 on: January 22, 2019, 05:11:12 PM »
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  • I’ve always wondered what happens if a husband or wife realizes to Late they were called to priesthood/nun life? That couldn’t be a very good feeling.
    I bet Bishop Williamson would like the movie though.


    Offline Geremia

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #26 on: January 22, 2019, 05:49:20 PM »
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  • Carefully examine whether one of you may have a vocation to the Church before getting too serious.
    Yes, it seems lurking in the back of the minds of some entering marriage is lack of appreciation of the religious life, that there is something wrong/unhealthy with those called to celibacy/virginity. From Sacra Virginitas §37:
    Quote from: Pope Pius XII
    37. We have recently with sorrow censured the opinion of those who contend that marriage is the only means of assuring the natural development and perfection of the human personality. For there are those who maintain that the grace of the sacrament, conferred ex opere operato, renders the use of marriage so holy as to be a fitter instrument than virginity for uniting souls with God; for marriage is a sacrament, but not virginity. We denounce this doctrine as a dangerous error. Certainly, the sacrament grants the married couple the grace to accomplish holily the duties of their married state, and it strengthens the bonds of mutual affection that unite them; but the purpose of its institution was not to make the employment of marriage the means, most suitable in itself, for uniting the souls of the husband and wife with God by the bonds of charity.

    Also, interestingly, before the 1917 Code, couples were given the so-called "bimestral privilege," during which one spouse could not demand the marriage debt of the other so the latter could consider whether to enter religious life instead. I think such a privilege was removed in the 1917 Code because it caused legal headaches, but it does illustrate the Church's desire to promote and encourage religious life.
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    Offline Geremia

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #27 on: January 22, 2019, 06:01:17 PM »
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  • What's really tragic is when young men stubbornly assert they are called to the married state even though they are in their late 30s or 40s and God hasn't sent them a suitable marriage partner yet!
    Reminds me of those who objected to St. Ambroses's promotion of the religious life, in which he defends himself by saying it is not difficult to find a wife:
    Quote
    One favorite topic of his was the excellence of virginity, and so successful was he in persuading maidens to adopt the religious profession that many a mother refused to permit her daughters to listen to his words. The saint was forced to refute the charge that he was depopulating the empire, by quaintly appealing to the young men as to whether any of them experienced any difficulty in finding wives. He contends, and the experience of ages sustains his contention (De Virg., vii) that the population increases in direct proportion to the esteem in which virginity is held.
    —Herbermann, Charles, ed. (1913). St. Ambrose. Catholic Encyclopedia. New York: Robert Appleton Company.
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    Offline Miseremini

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #28 on: January 24, 2019, 08:10:58 PM »
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  • Whether you're looking for Mr Right or Miss Right, make sure their first name isn't Always.
    "Let God arise, and let His enemies be scattered: and them that hate Him flee from before His Holy Face"  Psalm 67:2[/b]


    Offline clarkaim

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #29 on: January 30, 2019, 06:28:41 PM »
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  • After 20+ years, a few for the guys.

    Better to ask forgiveness than permission.
    Honey, no it's not new, I've had this gun for years.
    Make me a sandwich   Please I guess.

    to my sons.  Remember its a man's world.  We get to Pee standing up.

    To the women, try to be patient with your man, we are only men after all. 

     

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