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Offline Vintagewife3

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What I wish I knew before marriage....
« on: January 02, 2019, 12:25:42 PM »
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  • Dear ladies, and gents,

    I’m curious as to what advice you’d offer young couples seeking Holy Matrimony.

    Men, what would you tell young husbands?
    And what advice would you give young wives? 

    Ladies, same goes for you. What would you tell a young wife, and husband?

    I’m curious about advice on everything, and  not just the proper roles each spouse should play. We are going from the basis that the young couple knows the husband is the Christ figure head of the house, and the woman the church. 

    I’m looking for Catholic perspectives so as to continue to weed out any modernization in my personal marriage, and myself.

    Offline songbird

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #1 on: January 02, 2019, 08:09:03 PM »
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  • Be sure to say the rosary together daily, if possible. Together is important.


    Offline forlorn

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #2 on: January 03, 2019, 10:07:09 AM »
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  • Be sure to say the rosary together daily, if possible. Together is important.
    Families that pray together stay together as the saying goes. 

    Offline 1st Mansion Tenant

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #3 on: January 03, 2019, 11:30:55 AM »
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  • Carefully examine whether one of you may have a vocation to the Church before getting too serious.

    Offline forlorn

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #4 on: January 03, 2019, 12:10:04 PM »
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  • I'd suggest having a chat about where you'd like to live and in general where you yourself in the future before tying the knot. You don't have to agree on absolutely everything, but if the lifestyle, location, etc. one of you would like would be torture for the other it's better to discuss that and see if you can compromise before it's too late. 


    Offline Matthew

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #5 on: January 03, 2019, 12:16:27 PM »
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  • Don't bear the yoke with unbelievers. But beyond that, make sure your spouse is a solid, serious Catholic. That shared faith will give you the means to solve any problems and challenges that will appear later in your married life.

    Ladies: make sure your prospective spouse can work. Make sure he can do things he "doesn't want to do" -- in other words, make sure he has a certain minimum level of mortification or self-discipline. Without that, he will be nothing but trouble. In fact, without self-discipline he's likely to be wallowing in sin (rather than fighting sin at all times) as well.

    Men: The above advice applies to ladies as well -- they need to be able to work, albeit different kinds of work (housework, being pregnant, raising children, homeschooling, "frugality" tasks to help save the household money, etc.) Make sure your wife has a low degree of feminism. 0% is too much to hope for, but make sure she's content being a stay-at-home wife and mother rather than the co-equal head of the household. Make sure she's willing to believe that motherhood is a lofty role and not some kind of degrading role, beneath her dignity, invented by "the Patriarchy". Make sure she hasn't bought into the bill of goods that a career (working for The Man in a cubicle 40 hours a week) is the only way to live a fulfilling life.
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    Offline SusanneT

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #6 on: January 03, 2019, 12:54:16 PM »
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  • I'd suggest having a chat about where you'd like to live and in general where you yourself in the future before tying the knot. You don't have to agree on absolutely everything, but if the lifestyle, location, etc. one of you would like would be torture for the other it's better to discuss that and see if you can compromise before it's too late.
    You don’t have to agree on everything but as a future wife you do have to be happy that you respect your husband sufficiently and that he is completely committed to Church teaching such that you can submit to him as your ‘head’ willingly and in the knowledge that in doing so you will honour God. 

    Offline Nadir

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #7 on: January 03, 2019, 02:42:29 PM »
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  • Make sure that he/she agrees to or is at least open to the idea  of homeschooling your prospective children, as it could be that no other option will be available to Catholics. 
    .
    And while you are at it, consider the other's attitude to health issues such as whether or not to vaccinate.


    Online 2Vermont

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #8 on: January 03, 2019, 03:46:39 PM »
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  • Consider the possibility that you can not have children since it is not a guarantee.  Discuss this possibility with your potential spouse.  Given our older age when we met, we were already on board with "if it's God's Will", so this wasn't an issue for us, but I imagine that younger Catholic couples don't even consider the possibility of infertility.
    If any one saith, that the ceremonies, vestments, and outward signs, which the Catholic Church makes use of in the celebration of masses, are incentives to impiety, rather than offices of piety; let him be anathema. - Council of Trent

    Offline SusanneT

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #9 on: January 03, 2019, 05:33:25 PM »
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  • Consider the possibility that you can not have children since it is not a guarantee.  Discuss this possibility with your potential spouse.  Given our older age when we met, we were already on board with "if it's God's Will", so this wasn't an issue for us, but I imagine that younger Catholic couples don't even consider the possibility of infertility.
    And equally if you marry young that you may be blessed with a very large family.  

    Offline Vintagewife3

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #10 on: January 03, 2019, 09:30:55 PM »
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  • Carefully examine whether one of you may have a vocation to the Church before getting too serious.
    I’ve always wondered what happens if a husband or wife realizes to Late they were called to priesthood/nun life? That couldn’t be a very good feeling.


    Online JezusDeKoning

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #11 on: January 03, 2019, 09:47:06 PM »
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  • I’ve always wondered what happens if a husband or wife realizes to Late they were called to priesthood/nun life? That couldn’t be a very good feeling.
    The Byzantine/(also the Orthodox Church) has married subdeacons/deacons, but that system hasn't been in place in the Western Church for thousands of years.

    So, I don't know. That's actually a very good question.

    Offline Vintagewife3

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #12 on: January 03, 2019, 10:00:56 PM »
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  • How about for handling arguments? It doesn’t Matter really how much you agree on. Things happen in marriages such as hurt feelings, and misunderstandings. 


    I would say that women need to ask for time to process things the husband is saying if they feel like may have a negative reaction. Or I’ll repeat back what he says so he knows I’ve heard him if we are having a fight about something I may have done to hurt his feelings. We also have a rule that no matter what if the person calls truce we stop the argument completely. We don’t even try to approach sensitive subjects until a few days later when all feelings are calm.

    Offline Vintagewife3

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #13 on: January 03, 2019, 10:06:50 PM »
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  • Don't bear the yoke with unbelievers. But beyond that, make sure your spouse is a solid, serious Catholic. That shared faith will give you the means to solve any problems and challenges that will appear later in your married life.

    Ladies: make sure your prospective spouse can work. Make sure he can do things he "doesn't want to do" -- in other words, make sure he has a certain minimum level of mortification or self-discipline. Without that, he will be nothing but trouble. In fact, without self-discipline he's likely to be wallowing in sin (rather than fighting sin at all times) as well.

    Men: The above advice applies to ladies as well -- they need to be able to work, albeit different kinds of work (housework, being pregnant, raising children, homeschooling, "frugality" tasks to help save the household money, etc.) Make sure your wife has a low degree of feminism. 0% is too much to hope for, but make sure she's content being a stay-at-home wife and mother rather than the co-equal head of the household. Make sure she's willing to believe that motherhood is a lofty role and not some kind of degrading role, beneath her dignity, invented by "the Patriarchy". Make sure she hasn't bought into the bill of goods that a career (working for The Man in a cubicle 40 hours a week) is the only way to live a fulfilling life.
    Matthew, I think this is great. What feminist don’t understand is that while motherhood is rewarding. It takes time to see that reward. Every milestone of religious growth, mental, and physical is a compliment to the mother’s perseverance. It took me a while to understand that the best reward takes time. 

    Offline Simple as Doves

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    Re: What I wish I knew before marriage....
    « Reply #14 on: January 06, 2019, 11:00:58 AM »
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  • “The Wife Desired” and “The Man For Her” by Fr Leo J. Kinsella are must Reads. 

     

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