Read an Interview with Matthew, the owner of CathInfo

Author Topic: Social Networks  (Read 1203 times)

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Offline LittleFlowers

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« on: August 13, 2016, 03:41:08 PM »
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  • How should a traditional Catholic address social networking? How should a traditional Catholic behave regarding social networking?

    I'm especially wondering how a married Catholic, or engaged person, should behave on a social network. Should an engaged or married Catholic man have a lot of female "friends" - a lot of women he doesn't really know but who "likes" pictures and such? Or in contrast, how should a traditional Catholic woman respond to comments in social networks - comments from men that she "is so gorgeous" or "hot." When is it innocent, and when should one draw the line?

    I ask because I currently face a similar situation, both ends of the spectrum.
    It's not an issue of jealousy, although that has come up, but jealousy can be avoided. It's really about modesty and respect towards the Sacrament of Matrimony.

    Personally, I also think it comes down to sacrifice.

    In this day and age in the horrible modern world, satan tempts through technology and I think it really comes down to following friends, real friends, and eliminating the fluff.

    I would appreciate any comments, opinions on this.

    God bless.


    Offline Matthew

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    « Reply #1 on: August 13, 2016, 04:08:10 PM »
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  • The modern world says there are no differences between men and women, except for "plumbing". This is false and not backed up by reality.

    Once in a while you can have a platonic friendship between a man and a woman, which is only spiritual, but even then it's a "virtual marriage". The man and woman are getting something from each other that they couldn't get just anywhere. Even if that "something" is just the female mind/intuition or the male mind. In fact, the modern world even admits this, when it talks about having a "work spouse".

    When a man works in an office all day, and has a female helpmate and they work closely together to deal with struggles, solve problems, grow the company, etc. that female might be called a "work spouse". There is no sexual element implied.

    Often times a man will spend more time with his "work spouse" than his actual wife -- and sometimes the work spouse has a deeper or more meaningful relationship with the man!
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    Offline Matthew

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    « Reply #2 on: August 13, 2016, 04:30:10 PM »
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  • Jealousy is not necessarily a bad thing, or something to be fought like a sin.

    It's natural for a man to be repulsed at the thought of another man being with his wife. Marriage being exclusive, for life, is part of the NATURAL LAW written on the heart of every man. That means it doesn't require having the Faith to know this. We don't have to take the Church's word for it, for this particular truth.

    Let's put it this way: would a saint happily "share" his spouse with other men? Of course not. There's nothing wrong with wanting your spouse all to yourself. Marriage involves exclusivity, both physical AND emotional. It's part of the marriage contract.

    Let's not forget also: marriage is not all bad. It's not all burden (being "for life"), responsibilities and duties. It also comes with privileges. One of those privileges is having your spouse all to yourself. If the negative is having to forsake all others, the positive is that your wife is all yours.

    With marriage, like everything else, you have to accept the GOOD with the "bad". It's not all negatives and prohibitions.

    Affairs can be emotional as well as physical. And in fact, emotional affairs usually precede the real thing.

    The modern world is very lax on the "negative" of marriage -- the forsaking of all others -- but let's face it: it's equally lax on the "positive" of marriage: life long exclusive rights over your spouse's body. Long story short, the Modern World makes a much smaller deal out of marriage, all around. At least it is consistent!

    You can't cherry pick one aspect of the Modern World's philosophy without inviting the other as well.  How can you expect your spouse to be faithful for life, if you won't give him/her your all?

    I would say that if you have friends of the opposite sex who say things like "you're hot" or "you're beautiful" then you need to trim some of your friends from your Facebook friends list. Hearing things like that will be a temptation at least, and the beginning of a downfall at worst. Women are naturally vain and like to hear compliments. Meanwhile, given human nature and the natural course of things, married couples usually lose that "newlywed fervor" after many years of marriage. Husbands stop complimenting their wives on a regular basis. They are too busy, too accustomed to their wives, etc. And that's a normal "happy" marriage. But many  marriages have serious problems, issues, trials, etc. and in those cases, the spouses actually have issues to work out with each other. So you can see how these two realities, taken together, can be a recipe for disaster.

    You're arguing with your spouse about X and you're unhappy about many aspects of your life, but muddling through. Then you go to work and this young person of the opposite sex is completely sweet, understanding, listens to you, cares about you, pays attention to you, gives you compliments, respects you, does nice things...

    That's how so many adulteries start. It's happened a million times, and it will happen a million more times before the human race is gone.

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    Offline Matthew

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    « Reply #3 on: August 13, 2016, 04:44:48 PM »
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  • P.S. It's my educated opinion that WITH FEW EXCEPTIONS, no one gets divorced until there's a reason to: for example, someone in mind you'd like to move on to. When a couple is just having marital problems, it's possible enough to work through them. But what breaks the camel's back is when you contrast those problems with the happy infatuation stage of a new relationship.

    How can an old, troubled or even "failed" marriage full of problems compete with the blissful happiness of infatuation, which is found at the beginning of every male-female romance?

    When a person is faced with this comparison, that's when he gives up on the old relationship. He has something more pleasant to compare his current marriage to, and something he naturally would prefer.
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    Offline LittleFlowers

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    « Reply #4 on: August 13, 2016, 05:06:05 PM »
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  • Thanks, Matthew. I can't express how much I appreciate your guidance here.

    There's more to the story but I'm trying to hold back for the sake of anonymity.  I'm trying to be fair in sharing that I get hit on, too, but I know what to do. I have a lot of people follow me on social networking and I'm ready to start sorting though and unfollowing those who are not really "friends" and removing the fluff, on my end.

    But for my promised,  a lot of women text him. He's a popular guy, friendships are sacred and I'm cool with it. But what bothers me is that I know at least one of the women who texts him also likes him. She has been really inappropriate on the social network, even disrespectful. To him she is harmless and he gives her no bother. But she texts him and that's a little weird.  Now, I trust him. But some of this stuff makes me uncomfortable. So I think it's time to build a fence so to speak and set the boundaries as we prepare for something very holy, which is marriage.

    Moving forward, what is to be done?  We love each other very much. It's a matter of boundaries and protecting what is holy, the sacrament.


    Offline songbird

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    « Reply #5 on: August 16, 2016, 10:42:47 PM »
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  • Maybe you feel rejection? This person is to be shared?  If you think you see a red flag, chances are you do.  Don't tie a knot til you know for sure.  Pride is any many shapes.  If you see pride in this other person, I like attention, back off.

    Offline poche

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    « Reply #6 on: August 16, 2016, 11:11:31 PM »
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  • You should never do anything that would cause your spouse to feel uncomfortable.

    Offline jen51

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    « Reply #7 on: August 17, 2016, 07:57:46 AM »
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  • I agree with Songbird. Be careful, Littleflowers. These things that may seem small and irritating right now can turn into big resentments. I would trust your intuition that something is not right with the situation. I do not want to insinuate anything bad about your fiance, as I have only heard tiny bits of the situation, but I would consider another woman texting him, especially one that likes him, and him not immediately telling her to stop, on your behalf, to be a red flag. It seems very inappropriate. Not saying to halt the whole thing and call it off, of course, but I would treat it as an issue that needs to be resolved before you move on. If he is serious about his commitment to you, he should have no problem getting rid of these problematic relationships with other women.
    Don't set yourself up for an unfortunate life of not being able to respect or trust your husband. Your crosses would be great indeed.

    I'm sorry if this is coming off as too forward. I don't mean to sound bossy or critical. I just want to warn you to be cautious. I've seen too many situations like this that do not end well.

    I think you're right to "remove the fluff" from your facebook and social life as well. IMO, social media is bad news bears, especially to the unamarried, and newly married young folk.

    God bless you!
    Religion clean and undefiled before God and the Father, is this: to visit the fatherless and widows in their tribulation: and to keep one's self unspotted from this world.
    ~James 1:27


     

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