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Offline Kephapaulos

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Criteria for a Truly Catholic Wife
« on: November 20, 2013, 10:49:50 PM »
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  • I posted this in the men's subforum, but I thought of just putting in the this subforum as well.


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    I am not ready for marriage, as I have realized for awhile now, but I have a pretty good idea of what I will be looking for if God wills me to marry a good Catholic woman in the future. It has been a big issue with many of us men here who are indeed concerned about finding a virtuous wife if God so wills. I wrote this a few months ago. Would you agree with this assessment as criteria common among all of us men here?:

    "Well, I do have specific criteria for my ideal spouse. First of all, she must be a traditional Catholic, or at least be sincere in becoming a traditional Catholic. She indeed then must be open to listening well and carefully to Catholic truth and be a good and genuine practicing Catholic. I would want her to be a woman who wears only modest skirts and dresses. I would also like that she be intelligent and wise as well as genuinely kind, easy-going, and patient. Those qualities are what really attract me in a women. Although looks are not always the most important thing, I would prefer that there be a natural feminine beauty in her looks. She must be then attractive in her appearance to me as well as in her soul. She must be willing to obey me as her husband too, for I would be accountable for her soul and the souls of our children since they would all be under my charge. Men are more accountable before God than women. The Lord will judge men more severely because they are meant to lead women to heaven.
     I want to have a wife who is very much feminine like the Blessed Virgin Mary. In turn I would be, pray God, want to be a truly masculine and self-sacrificing father and husband like St. Joseph. I would indeed be the protector and provider of my family. I would not have it that anyone would dare mistreat my wife and children in any way. I would prefer that my wife and I have much of the same common interests and work in building a truly traditional Catholic home for the greater glory of God and to be united with Him in heaven one day.
     I would be, again, the provider and protector, and my wife would stay home and look to the needs of the household. I would not mind at all if she had a degree already or is working one at this time now, but I would want her to be home with the children once married. I would want her to be one good at keeping a well-tended household like in needs such as cooking and cleaning. In turn, I would oversee the maintenance of the house and its surroundings. I would desire that our children would also be homeschooled or sent to a school that would not endanger their Catholic faith.
     I would like that my wife and I could be able to have mutual, long, and cordial conversations about both serious and entertaining matters. Communication is something I have seen in my experience to be so crucial to many of life's endeavors.
     In summary, I desire a truly traditional Catholic and feminine woman to marry."



     As men, I think we must grow with the correlative virtues and qualities to those of a good Catholic wife as I stated above. May God bless and enlighten us with what He wills for each of us men to do on this earth to give Him greater glory and meet Him in eternal beatitude someday. Amen.
    "Non nobis, Domine, non nobis; sed nomini tuo da gloriam..." (Ps. 113:9)

    Offline StCeciliasGirl

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    Criteria for a Truly Catholic Wife
    « Reply #1 on: November 21, 2013, 01:53:40 AM »
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  • Quote from: Kephapaulos
    Although looks are not always the most important thing, I would prefer that there be a natural feminine beauty in her looks. She must be then attractive in her appearance to me as well as in her soul.


    I think your list is fine, as long as you're open to accepting that you can't judge some girls by first appearances (not just beauty, but showing up for Adoration often, and other "appearances" of holiness). I've unfortunately seen men tricked into Marriage (usually due to insufficient time courting), and have heard the "but she was at Mass daily" wails of sorrow, and the "but she never raised her voice during our 3 month courtship" thing, and seen the looks of misery on entire family's faces (of course we pray for such families). Looks WILL fade, but not if you see your wife in the light of the Church. Truths WILL come out, so if she's a Modernist trying to make a good show to land a husband (you'd be surprised), or who has a sordid past, well, really the only thing that will tell you these things is time spent courting. I personally think long courtships can be very good, especially if the girl is under 20.

    I'd suggest that some of the best wives I've seen grow up from youth were hearty girls who (around men) might have seemed cold, distant, and uninviting; but who, after marriage, have had beautiful bursts of personality (especially after motherhood), are great hostesses, and are very supportive of their husbands. A young woman strong in the Faith might seem headstrong, which might read "feminist," but if a girl doesn't seem headstrong, might she not let ANYONE be her head? (Before Marriage, it is her father and the Church who is her head, so it's appropriate for her to be quite cold to men.)

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    I would desire that our children would also be homeschooled or sent to a school that would not endanger their Catholic faith.

    Are you a convert? I ask because I've never known what you'd call a "weak-willed" Catholic mother. A strong Catholic woman is not someone that the world is going to want to tangle with more than once. Oh, she'll smile and offer food to everyone, and she'll smile as she explains the way things are going to work to pagans. I don't think you'll have to worry about the world getting to your children; your wife will have this covered. She'll even ensure your priest stays in check. With great joy.

    Quote
    I would like that my wife and I could be able to have mutual, long, and cordial conversations about both serious and entertaining matters.


    :roll-laugh2:

    No really, that's so sweet. Yes, you may look forward to that in a time called "courtship", then again in a time called "retirement", if you haven't killed each other by then, which by the grace of God you will have refrained from doing, and merely will have called the priest (or exorcist) on each other. —I jest.

    The problem with the long, flowing, and cordial conversation you'll enjoy during your courtship suggests that, after Marriage, you will have time to sit. Get that thought right on out of your head. Indeed, you will pray avidly for a moment to sleep. That's why we gave in to the "family bed" thing; I wouldn't have seen my husband for years were it not for sleeping the breastfeeding babies in the bed between us. It's actually very nice. (Until another child screams to high Heaven from the opposite side of the house, but ...don't fret about that now.)

    You will have a lot of babies God willing+ and your long conversations might be reduced somewhat to the occasional shout across the room to shush Junior's wailing because cute little Mary Maria Grace has started the house on fire with the kindling you spent the day collecting in frigid temperatures, and Junior's fearful yelps are making the dogs rip at your heels as you tend to extinguishing the fire. Then there are the activities, the dinners, family dinners, and a laundry list of THINGS that must be done. Your wife will try to find ways to get your immediate family spending some time together raking the yard, or doing other chores, when more than likely you'll be wondering what you have done, and if priesthood was your calling, and boy wouldn't it be nice if you and the boys could go inside and just kick back and enjoy some football. (All perfectly normal.) But it is during this time in which you may certainly converse while you two rake leaves or whatever the chore is.

    You do get some time after Mass to get to know your spouse better, though. I've come to realize that this is what coffee hour is for: so those of us with children can get a moment with our spouses while the laity gush over the children and teach them Latin phrases and quips. (Which might not always be a phrase or quip you'd want the kiddos to know.)

    And I love it. It's grand. Not at ALL how I imagined my life (you get thrown lots of curve balls!) But we're happy. One man in our Church burst in tears audibly a few years ago; we later found out his wife had needed a hysterectomy, and he felt he could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. (He's one of the ones who could have used some more courtship time with the woman he married, though obviously God blessed them richly with children).

    God bless.  :pray:
    Legem credendi, lex statuit supplicandi

    +JMJ


    Offline Viva Cristo Rey

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    Criteria for a Truly Catholic Wife
    « Reply #2 on: November 21, 2013, 04:58:21 PM »
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  • Quote from: Kephapaulos
    I posted this in the men's subforum, but I thought of just putting in the this subforum as well.


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I am not ready for marriage, as I have realized for awhile now, but I have a pretty good idea of what I will be looking for if God wills me to marry a good Catholic woman in the future. It has been a big issue with many of us men here who are indeed concerned about finding a virtuous wife if God so wills. I wrote this a few months ago. Would you agree with this assessment as criteria common among all of us men here?:

    "Well, I do have specific criteria for my ideal spouse. First of all, she must be a traditional Catholic, or at least be sincere in becoming a traditional Catholic. She indeed then must be open to listening well and carefully to Catholic truth and be a good and genuine practicing Catholic. I would want her to be a woman who wears only modest skirts and dresses. I would also like that she be intelligent and wise as well as genuinely kind, easy-going, and patient. Those qualities are what really attract me in a women. Although looks are not always the most important thing, I would prefer that there be a natural feminine beauty in her looks. She must be then attractive in her appearance to me as well as in her soul. She must be willing to obey me as her husband too, for I would be accountable for her soul and the souls of our children since they would all be under my charge. Men are more accountable before God than women. The Lord will judge men more severely because they are meant to lead women to heaven.
     I want to have a wife who is very much feminine like the Blessed Virgin Mary. In turn I would be, pray God, want to be a truly masculine and self-sacrificing father and husband like St. Joseph. I would indeed be the protector and provider of my family. I would not have it that anyone would dare mistreat my wife and children in any way. I would prefer that my wife and I have much of the same common interests and work in building a truly traditional Catholic home for the greater glory of God and to be united with Him in heaven one day.
     I would be, again, the provider and protector, and my wife would stay home and look to the needs of the household. I would not mind at all if she had a degree already or is working one at this time now, but I would want her to be home with the children once married. I would want her to be one good at keeping a well-tended household like in needs such as cooking and cleaning. In turn, I would oversee the maintenance of the house and its surroundings. I would desire that our children would also be homeschooled or sent to a school that would not endanger their Catholic faith.
     I would like that my wife and I could be able to have mutual, long, and cordial conversations about both serious and entertaining matters. Communication is something I have seen in my experience to be so crucial to many of life's endeavors.
     In summary, I desire a truly traditional Catholic and feminine woman to marry."



     As men, I think we must grow with the correlative virtues and qualities to those of a good Catholic wife as I stated above. May God bless and enlighten us with what He wills for each of us men to do on this earth to give Him greater glory and meet Him in eternal beatitude someday. Amen.




    Very good.  
    To live with the Saints in Heaven is all bliss and glory....To live with the saints on Earth is just another story!  (unknown)

    Offline Jaynek

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    Criteria for a Truly Catholic Wife
    « Reply #3 on: November 21, 2013, 05:04:28 PM »
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  • That's beautiful.

     

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