Logically, I know that I should only be dealing with what I know for sure. Some of what I wrote was conclusions I'd drawn from my intuition based on life experience, on knowing my son (or having known my son) and observing communications on Facebook and the people at the reception. Could I have misconstrued things somewhat. Maybe. The girlfriend may have been there before we arrived and then gone to her emt class which was being held that night. Point is, he definitely is keeping this whole thing under wraps.
I just don't know what to do about logistical things like the fact that he's on a break now between academy and his seasonal job which doesn't start for a few weeks. We established a curfew a few weeks ago (I know, I was caught unprepared to make rules like this, because it has only recently become an issue) .... but I have no way of knowing if he's begun lying to me about where he's going and what he's doing and as long as he's polite, gives me some kind of story and comes home when he says he will ... that's all I can hope for.
Again, I don't want to lay down ultimatums and cause him to push back and leave home and end up in a worse situation. The time for him to leave home is likely coming very soon, less than a year, as it is.
There's no reason to believe at this time that a mortal sin has been committed. God help him, I hope and pray that's true. But at this point, it's between him and God. We have raised him to know right from wrong. He knows his catechism by heart. But I've known for a few years now that his interest is worldly things has only grown.
I know that trying to raise them trad in this town with only a Novus Ordo parish was foolhardy and shortsighted. We've spent years bashing the way things were done around here ... and yet offered no reasonable solution. I know some people think the N.O. is invalid and that people should stay home. But we don't believe that the n.o. is invalid, just inadequate and lacking strength and dignity.
Can you imagine how much worse this would have been with no mass every week? No First Holy Communion, Confirmation, Confession?
If I had to do it again living here with everything exactly as it is, I would have refrained from all that negativity and complaining. I might have even not shut off the t.v. a few years ago. Fact is, not watching t.v. makes you an oddball in every group. We were already homeschooling (weirdness) and I haven't worked outside the home since the children were babies (more odd behavior) and my H's job is international, so he doesn't work from a local office, but travels and has a home office. We're not tied into the school or local jobs .. those are the two main anchor points of this community.
Both my H and son watch t.v. when they are away from home. I just realized the impact of that last night. I'm pretty slow, I guess. H watches t.v. at the hotels he stays at, and son watches t.v. at the fire station and at other people's houses. Why are daughter and I not doing so, if H thinks it's okay to watch away from home? I'm going to have to talk to him about this.
I also must admit that son is basically mimicking his father's behavior in regards to having a separate life outside our home. Because I got kind of crazed and legalistic about 10 years ago ... I started isolating myself and my children from "the world" ... and my H's friends were not and have never been part of our parish, or even regular attendees of another Christian sect ... long story short, we've never had H's friends and their wives over, and we've never gone to any of their get togethers.
H's connection with his friends is over a game they play and drinking beer. We've talked about getting together with these people over the years ... but for a couple reasons I didn't want to. The mothers, while being my age, only have small children (all except one, who has a larger family, older and younger children). Just recently, it was revealed that this families 16 year old daughter was at a "drinking party" and has "boyfriend." The father is very lackadaisical about this development "kids will be kids" kind of thing.
That's enough rambling. I'm going on too long. Point is, I'm seeing the roots of the problem more clearly now. I should have joined the St. Vincent de Paul and Altar societies several years ago .. And I'm going to do it as soon as I can (depending on having use of my car) .. We allowed our daughter to join the youth group .. and I should have let them join a few years ago and then at least they'd know some kids who were at least going through the motions of a Catholic identity.