Catholic Info
Traditional Catholic Faith => Catholic Living in the Modern World => Topic started by: Xenophon on March 03, 2024, 03:33:53 PM
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Hi,
I started a little project which is a Catholic dating site to help out anyone having difficulties finding a spouse. I originally made it to help a buddy of mine. I think it could be a great option for many out there, especially the younger gen that are more inclined to online environments. If you or anyone is interested please share it since everything relies on membership and participation. It's of course totally free to use.
Uxorem.com (http://uxorem.com)
Feel free to let me know if you have any questions about the site.
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Good move! So necessary!
Don't forget to post the BMI of participants. :cowboy:
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Hi,
I started a little project which is a Catholic dating site to help out anyone having difficulties finding a spouse. I originally made it to help a buddy of mine. I think it could be a great option for many out there, especially the younger gen that are more inclined to online environments. If you or anyone is interested please share it since everything relies on membership and participation. It's of course totally free to use.
Uxorem.com (http://uxorem.com)
Feel free to let me know if you have any questions about the site.
No Feeneyism
:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:
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:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:
This. I suppose those who have prayed, done the research, and come to the conclusion of EENS are not welcome.
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Talk about making it look like Trads are out of date.
"Trad? Want to get married? I hope you like cosplaying that it's the Wild West!"
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Talk about making it look like Trads are out of date.
"Trad? Want to get married? I hope you like cosplaying that it's the Wild West!"
It's just a visual aesthetic. Not like its a historical re-enactment site. And many zoomers appreciate aesthetic throwbacks like the Victorian/Edwardian era. :cowboy:
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The images look like people from an occult. Use images of real young people.
Victorian/ western is cool.. rural people are usually happy and smiling.
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The images look like people from an occult. Use images of real young people.
Victorian/ western is cool.. rural people are usually happy and smiling.
Agreed. The dark, saturated colors look like something from a goosebumps novel or some sort of horror flick. Matrimony is bright and joyful. Great idea and good on you for not allowing feeneyism. But the images are weird and off-putting.
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The images look like people from an occult. Use images of real young people.
Victorian/ western is cool.. rural people are usually happy and smiling.
Not necessarily occult, but the people do look rather morose and unhappy.
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What does "No Feenyism" mean?
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Honestly many on here are just so bitter.. Art whether used for Catholic ends doesn't have to be inextricably linked to the 1950s boomer aesthetic, or even the Renaissance. Ironically, the idea itself of gothic or morose complexions are even aligned with grand Catholic art of the past. Which painting of a saint has a big smile full of white teeth? The opposite really, from St. Francis of Assisi to St. Jerome you will find them morose, sad and serious in universally acclaimed paintings nobody would call occult. Them holding and contemplating death by holding a human skull is anything but happy go lucky. And I'm not even mentioning the gore or devilish depictions either..
I suggest you guys take a look at Caravaggio or Rembrandt. Many of their works are considered to be dark or gothic, I've personally seen paintings of St. Jerome used in horror games for that very reason.
Also, the aesthetic I'm going for isn't even that novel. There's an old painting you all would know called American Gothic, it's essentially what I'm going for. There's a reason younger people find tradcats so out of touch. I've personally spoken to many guys wanting to convert or have recently converted that find Catholicism dull and entirely dominated by boomers. I'm trying to show people that it's not necessarily the case.
It's one thing to say you subjectively don't like certain art or aesthetics, everyone is of course free to have their personal tastes, but to go around calling things you don't like occult or implying it's something illicit is just absurd.
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What does "No Feenyism" mean?
I didn’t catch that part. Utterly ridiculous, imposing your theological opinion on some dating site. “Feeneyites” may want to marry also. What if a prospective spouse is willing to overlook a disagreement on that opinion? Someone could be a Feeneyite and still be very good marriage material.
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lol. Many of us here are generation x; not boomers.
We aren’t bitter. We are trying to help you.
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Honestly many on here are just so bitter.. Art whether used for Catholic ends doesn't have to be inextricably linked to the 1950s boomer aesthetic, or even the Renaissance. Ironically, the idea itself of gothic or morose complexions are even aligned with grand Catholic art of the past.
Nobody's "bitter". Those pictures just make the couple look very unhappy and even morose, and are probably not going to appeal to youth today. Just an observation people are making, having nothing to do with "bitterness".
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In addition, some of the criteria seem as though they could be rather subjective: effeminacy in men, combativeness in women. Are you planning on spying in on everyone's conversations to detect such traits? If I were signing up, I'd be wondering if you wouldn't be recording and spying on every communication. Of course, then probably people would exchange contact information and continue communicating offline. Are you going to spy on their activities outside the site also? And then will you boot people from the site due to an unsubstantiated complaint: "She was a feminist." (because she didn't agree with corporal punishment of wives by husbands?) or "He's effeminate." (because he didn't have super high T and was kind/polite). There are a thousand ways your "rules" could go wrong.
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I agree that Feeneyism should just be ignored. Let people work that out themselves.
I would suggest that some of your questions be expanded - a) Sedevacantism, b) non-Sede, c) other, unsure. (lots of your questions need a 3rd option)
Lots of Trads in the dating realm (especially women) don't want to "pick sides" and limit their options. "Unsure" is a very normal answer, in our times. And practically speaking, i've known many couples who were "Trad-ecuмenical" (i.e. sspx/sspv, sspx/indult, sspx/feeneyite, etc, etc). Not every Trad draws a hard line in the sand on these issues. Some of this is good, some of it is bad. At the end of the day, it's their decision.
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1.) Also, the aesthetic I'm going for isn't even that novel. There's an old painting you all would know called American Gothic, it's essentially what I'm going for.
2.)There's a reason younger people find tradcats so out of touch. I've personally spoken to many guys wanting to convert or have recently converted that find Catholicism dull and entirely dominated by boomers. I'm trying to show people that it's not necessarily the case.
1.) having art depict a certain somber mood is fine for the sake of art or to convey a mood, but remember your websites is not about art (plus it is bad art anyway, at least put the natural colors back). It is supposed to be a Catholic Dating Stite (not the Adams Family Dating Experience), so depict a picture that relates to Catholic courtship in the present time.
Try asking some of the young men and women at your chapel and get their opinion on the pictures you used, and you might find some similar "bitter" responses and you got here in CathInfo. At least do not use AI imaging, use actual people. I am sure you can get volunteers at a parish event.
2.) These images you used are "out of touch" and they depict Catholicism as "dull". You say you want to "show people that it's not necessarily the case." yet the images you use depicts that which you are trying to avoid.
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Nobody's "bitter". Those pictures just make the couple look very unhappy and even morose, and are probably not going to appeal to youth today. Just an observation people are making, having nothing to do with "bitterness".
Yes because 60 year old's are the ones that would know best about what is appealing to the youth. That is the essential problem with the boomer mentality. But I get it, wrong site to post this on.
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Yes because 60 year old's are the ones that would know best about what is appealing to the youth. That is the essential problem with the boomer mentality. But I get it, wrong site to post this on.
It's unappealing to me, and I have young adult children, and I can sure you they're unappealing to everyone. But just keep plodding away ... arrogantly rejecting any critiques of your endeavor. People who don't agree 100% with everything you're doing are "bitter" or outdated "boomers". Matthew similarly characterized the pictures as having the appearance of "cosplay".
None of the people in your pictures even look remotely happy, not a single smile to be found. But yeah that's just a crusty and grumpy old "60-year-old" (I'm 55 ... nor am I a boomer) speaking, thinking that they look too grumpy and crusty, but the youth are all about being grumpy and are not seeking happiness in marriage but are seeking the Amish lifestyle.
This below is how happy all the "youth" imagine they'll be on their wedding days, looking forward to 50 years of drugery.
(https://uxorem.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/jenofontedeatenas_Edwardian_marriage_year_1900_vaporwave_neonco_b89a1f7b-de2e-4c7b-9eb4-11a388a45f4d-1024x1024.png)
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Talk about making it look like Trads are out of date.
"Trad? Want to get married? I hope you like cosplaying that it's the Wild West!"
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Yeah, the pictures are creepy and off putting, and I'm much younger than Lad.
I'm also not a fan of the modern multi layer wide layout scroll a lot type website, even though it's the trend for the past 5 or so years. Maybe I am old, but whatever happened to the logical and dense organization of classic desktop websites?
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I think a lot of what's wrong with the young trad community is simply a lack of maturity in regards to the real world and dealing with it. Let's be real, 85 percent of the trad community young people were/are sheltered. Maybe not on purpose, but a lot of them are simply adult children. I'm not sure how anyone can disagree with the statement I just gave. I know so many young trad men over 18 working 10 hours a week at most, living at home, just squatting in their parents house. How in the world is this acceptable?
With that being said, I would make it mandatory that anyone with intention to date on your site agree that the purpose of the site is to find a spouse and get married.. Which eventually comes with sacrifice and cultivation of virtue. Us faithful don't have a say in this. It's going to be very difficult, and crosses will need to be carried.
I've noticed a huge difference of maturity between converts/NO trads and cradle "trads", too. This pretty much comes from sheltering and lack of exposure to the wicked world. The world is wicked, however, we need to be IN the world, not OF the world. Again, at some point your sheltered trad adult child needs to get out there and suffer.
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I think a lot of what's wrong with the young trad community is simply a lack of maturity in regards to the real world and dealing with it. Let's be real, 85 percent of the trad community young people were/are sheltered. Maybe not on purpose, but a lot of them are simply adult children. I'm not sure how anyone can disagree with the statement I just gave. I know so many young trad men over 18 working 10 hours a week at most, living at home, just squatting in their parents house. How in the world is this acceptable?
With that being said, I would make it mandatory that anyone with intention to date on your site agree that the purpose of the site is to find a spouse and get married.. Which eventually comes with sacrifice and cultivation of virtue. Us faithful don't have a say in this. It's going to be very difficult, and crosses will need to be carried.
I've noticed a huge difference of maturity between converts/NO trads and cradle "trads", too. This pretty much comes from sheltering and lack of exposure to the wicked world. The world is wicked, however, we need to be IN the world, not OF the world. Again, at some point your sheltered trad adult child needs to get out there and suffer.
You're not wrong. There's a balance to be had between sheltering the children from the evils of the world, and knowing enough about the world (and how it works, with all its evil) to be able to succeed in it. God only knows what the right balance is, and it may be different for each child with a different temperament. I've known some kids who were so sheltered that they resented it and then bolted (not only from the house but from the faith, not just the Traditional Catholic faith, but from the Catholic faith) the minute they turned 18. I know my older ones are still living at home, but they work full time jobs (making decent money) and are saving it so they'll be in a position to just buy a house outright when the time comes for them to get married.
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Yes because 60 year old's are the ones that would know best about what is appealing to the youth. That is the essential problem with the boomer mentality. But I get it, wrong site to post this on.
This is what is wrong with the younger generations, no respect for older people who have "been there, done that". Xenophon, if you cannot take constructive criticism, then you need to grow up. The site is too dreary to most people and paints marriage as a sad state of affairs. I would have been more charitable, if you hadn't responded so defensively to constructive criticism. May God bless you and keep you.
I think there is a need for a site like this, but please paint marriage more joyously. I am not a boomer, I am 49.
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You're not wrong. There's a balance to be had between sheltering the children from the evils of the world, and knowing enough about the world (and how it works, with all its evil) to be able to succeed in it. God only knows what the right balance is, and it may be different for each child with a different temperament. I've known some kids who were so sheltered that they resented it and then bolted (not only from the house but from the faith, not just the Traditional Catholic faith, but from the Catholic faith) the minute they turned 18. I know my older ones are still living at home, but they work full time jobs (making decent money) and are saving it so they'll be in a position to just buy a house outright when the time comes for them to get married.
Yes, and as someone who has a little one on the way, that balance with our children in navigating this world keeps me up at night. I'm not sure what to expect (besides putting my trust in God) how things will be in the near future. I'm also usually more "tougher" on the guys than the gals, though. I believe the young men need to "get out there" more than the young girls do. Especially with how impressionable and conformist young women can be. It gets to them way more easily I think.
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This is a great concept, but I'd do something about those pictures. If I were in the courting market, I'd especially appreciate that "one person at a time" thing. I've found that a certain kind of woman "gets a charge" out of having several men interested in her at the same time. A certain kind of man might get similar ego-stroking out of that, but it seems to be more of a female thing --- "all of these guys are crazy about me, oooh, that feels so good!".
In addition to being grave and morose, and not meshing with the "shiny happy people" theme that folks usually expect to see on "match" websites, IMO they even come across as kind of campy, as though they are meant to be some kind of joke that doesn't know it's a joke (or professes not to know). That kind of edgy, ironic approach could have its place, but I don't think a website such as this one is that place.
Even similar pictures from the opening credits of Cheers, which this vaguely reminds me of, show some of the people smiling or at least appearing to be happy (as with the bartender holding up the newspaper announcing the end of Prohibition).
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... as someone who has a little one on the way ...
Congratulations. You've really moving fast. Before you know it, the little one will be a teenager.
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Congratulations. You've really moving fast. Before you know it, the little one will be a teenager.
Truer words were never spoken.
My "little one" will be 17 in a few days. Seems like yesterday that he was toddling around the house, and we had to make him a "perimeter" to run around in, so that he wouldn't wander all over the house and do damage to things (or himself).
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I commented about the distasteful images. I am 32. I wonder how old OP is. None of my traditional Catholic friends would find this AI "art" appealing either. It's just... weird. Out of place. Jarring. Cringe.
If a person was going on this site to find a spouse, a natural assumption would be that the members of the site like the aesthetic... I certainly would be put off by a woman who liked that kind of imagery. Look, the site is a good idea. But literally not one person agrees with you that this style is a good match. Try again.
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Are they A.I images? Gives me that uncanny valley feeling. Maybe images of the Holy Family would be better, they are they ideal standard for any Catholic family.
OP please don't take the feed back too harshly.
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Look, the site is a good idea. But literally not one person agrees with you that this style is a good match. Try again.
Right. OP dismissed it as just coming from this "60-year-old boomer" ... I'm a 55-year-old Gen X :laugh1:, and he's acting as though I alone thought the images need to be reconsidered.
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Right. OP dismissed it as just coming from this "60-year-old boomer" ... I'm a 55-year-old Gen X :laugh1:, and he's acting as though I alone thought the images need to be reconsidered.
Lol. Well I don't think he will find many people signing up. First impressions are everything.
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Newsflash: Boomers are pushing 70 these days. They were born between 1946 and 1964, so do the math.
Generation X is not Boomer. There's a huge difference between growing up in the 60's, and growing up in the 80's.
I suppose for children under 25, it all seems "long ago, far away". But Gen X had a lot more exposure to technology, video games, and computers before their 20th birthday, compared to a Baby Boomer.
In high school in the early 90's, we had a computer lab with Wintel PCs. I was writing DOS games back then. Meanwhile, no one had a smartphone. Baby Boomers have no such experience writing games in their spare time during their teen/high school years.
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You're not wrong. There's a balance to be had between sheltering the children from the evils of the world, and knowing enough about the world (and how it works, with all its evil) to be able to succeed in it. God only knows what the right balance is, and it may be different for each child with a different temperament. I've known some kids who were so sheltered that they resented it and then bolted (not only from the house but from the faith, not just the Traditional Catholic faith, but from the Catholic faith) the minute they turned 18. I know my older ones are still living at home, but they work full time jobs (making decent money) and are saving it so they'll be in a position to just buy a house outright when the time comes for them to get married.
Thanks to the shrewd business sense and frugality of his dear grandfather (my father), my son will have a free-standing, if smallish, bungalow with its own lot, of his very own (I retain ownership for legal purposes), when he turns 18. Pace those who maintain that each generation needs to earn their entire fortune by the sweat of their own brow, this gives him a huge head-start in life, which, being an intelligent, conservative, clean-living white Christian male, he will need in today's society, as he is part of the only minority that it is still acceptable to hate and discriminate against --- several strikes against him, which shouldn't be "strikes" but they are, from the get-go. I remind him of his advantages time and again, but it goes in one ear and out the other. He may not be able to get preference in the job marketplace, but being free of rent or a mortgage payment, well, that ain't hay. If his first job is at Dollar Tree, Walmart, or Pizza Hut --- it's honest work, somebody has to do it --- he won't starve or be hurting for money. Take that first job and give it your best, I always tell him. That's what I did. I've told him, if you can, help me pay the taxes, insurance, HOA fees, and utilities, and that's all the "rent" I request. (And I've told him, if he should marry and have a family, he can have my house and I'll take the bungalow. Kids need a nice big house. Old Pop-Pop doesn't need much.)
For good or for ill, he knows far more about the apostate world than he should --- unless you raise your kids in that hermetic bubble to which you alluded, it really can't be helped, better he know such things now, than be released into the world with absolutely no ability to process it. I try constantly to educate him on how the behaviors he sees in the world are, in fact, destructive not only spiritually but even temporally, and when possible, to show him the consequences that come to people who embrace the world, its errors, and its apostasy. I teach him to think in terms of (a) what he wants to do, and to contrast it with (b) what he ought to do, and to make the "ought" into the "want", such that your free will becomes the same as the good. I hope at least some of it sticks.
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Newsflash: Boomers are pushing 70 these days. They were born between 1946 and 1964, so do the math.
Generation X is not Boomer. There's a huge difference between growing up in the 60's, and growing up in the 80's.
I suppose for children under 25, it all seems "long ago, far away". But Gen X had a lot more exposure to technology, video games, and computers before their 20th birthday, compared to a Baby Boomer.
In high school in the early 90's, we had a computer lab with Wintel PCs. I was writing DOS games back then. Meanwhile, no one had a smartphone. Baby Boomers have no such experience writing games in their spare time during their teen/high school years.
I didn't even have a computer until I was 30 years old. For my first class in MBA graduate school, I wrote my papers on an electric typewriter. Someone asked me if I'd used a word processor. I said "what's a word processor?".
I was kind of country back then.
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"what's a word processor?".
We call it the paper shredder.