I have a home business, and I send out e-mail advertisements from time to time. These are completely generic, and don't contain the customer's name or anything like that.

I received an e-mail this morning from a customer's widow:

I want to unsubscribe from your e-mail list because this person is no longer alive--he has passed away and cannot receive your e-mails.

Please unsubscribe immediately.

Thank you,

His wife

Gregorian chant is for men AND women -- I'm not selling something obviously aimed at men (=her late husband).

I understand that losing one's life-long spouse is a heavy cross, but must one be so...touchy?

As she ends the e-mail with "His wife" I'm supposed to go, "Ouch! I'm sorry!" ...except A) I was never notified that he passed away, B) why can't she receive the e-mails in her husband's stead? Or at least unsubscribe in a less dramatic fashion?

She tells me that not only is he deceased, but that he is in an INTERNET-FREE part of the afterlife. She says I should unsubscribe the address "immediately" because tomorrow would be waiting too long -- nevermind the fact I only send out 2 e-mails a year (Christmas and Easter).

Apparently getting a generic Catholic-themed advertisement at her late husband's e-mail address is just too much -- I'm really twisting the knife.

Like I said -- it seems a bit "touchy" to me. If this were the first time, I probably wouldn't write this. But I know more than one widow IRL (in real life) and they are pretty emotional there as well.

I know one woman who lost her husband 5 years ago, and she acts like he passed away last week. She is basically unable to function, and even unable to get herself into a stable living situation. She won't look into government assistance or move into cheaper/smaller living quarters, even though she has stopped making payments on her house. Moreover, she has chosen to "take care of" two adult children, so their food & shelter are at risk as well.

Another widow (much younger than the one in the previous paragraph) is jealous of her younger brother, who recently married a young trad Catholic lady. They just had their first child. I spoke with this couple, and they said that the widow in question "doesn't accept them" for some reason. I know the couple, and they have certainly done "everything right" -- chastity, marrying a fellow Trad Catholic, the husband working for a living and supporting his family, following the Commandments of God and the Church -- what's to criticize?  Nothing -- just that this widow is "afraid" that any couple getting married will end up like she did, with 2 young boys and no father to help take care of them. And she's probably jealous of their new-found happiness and life together.

And all these widows are Catholic -- in fact, TRADITIONAL Catholic. My question -- shouldn't the Catholic Faith mitigate some of that raw grief and other emotions? Meanwhile Novus Ordo Catholics, protestants, pagans, etc. seem to have the strength to move on.

What gives?

People in grief are often angry and will strike out anywhere.  Nothing personal, just their aura at the moment.  Most everyone gets over it in time.

Is that the whole email?

What you've posted doesn't seem touchy or dramatic to me at all. She's simply stating a fact and asking to unsubscribe. I imagined something very different to be honest and truly dramatic so when I read that, my reaction was "that's it?". I didn't get half of what you did out of it, could you be reading more into it than there is?

I wouldn't keep up with my husband's email account either. We have each our own from before marriage and one together and I would not keep up all three. She's actually doing more than I would do by asking to unsubscribe. I would just let the account go inactive. Anything I would be interested in goes to our joint email anyway and his personal one has pretty much become junk from lack of use.

Quote from: Matthew

I have a home business, and I send out e-mail advertisements from time to time. These are completely generic, and don't contain the customer's name or anything like that.

I received an e-mail this morning from a customer's widow:

Quote

I want to unsubscribe from your e-mail list because this person is no longer alive--he has passed away and cannot receive your e-mails.

Please unsubscribe immediately.

Thank you,

His wife

Gregorian chant is for men AND women -- I'm not selling something obviously aimed at men (=her late husband).

I understand that losing one's life-long spouse is a heavy cross, but must one be so...touchy?

As she ends the e-mail with "His wife" I'm supposed to go, "Ouch! I'm sorry!" ...except A) I was never notified that he passed away, B) why can't she receive the e-mails in her husband's stead? Or at least unsubscribe in a less dramatic fashion?

She tells me that not only is he deceased, but that he is in an INTERNET-FREE part of the afterlife. She says I should unsubscribe the address "immediately" because tomorrow would be waiting too long -- nevermind the fact I only send out 2 e-mails a year (Christmas and Easter).

Apparently getting a generic Catholic-themed advertisement at her late husband's e-mail address is just too much -- I'm really twisting the knife.

Like I said -- it seems a bit "touchy" to me. If this were the first time, I probably wouldn't write this. But I know more than one widow IRL (in real life) and they are pretty emotional there as well.

I know one woman who lost her husband 5 years ago, and she acts like he passed away last week. She is basically unable to function, and even unable to get herself into a stable living situation. She won't look into government assistance or move into cheaper/smaller living quarters, even though she has stopped making payments on her house. Moreover, she has chosen to "take care of" two adult children, so their food & shelter are at risk as well.

Another widow (much younger than the one in the previous paragraph) is jealous of her younger brother, who recently married a young trad Catholic lady. They just had their first child. I spoke with this couple, and they said that the widow in question "doesn't accept them" for some reason. I know the couple, and they have certainly done "everything right" -- chastity, marrying a fellow Trad Catholic, the husband working for a living and supporting his family, following the Commandments of God and the Church -- what's to criticize?  Nothing -- just that this widow is "afraid" that any couple getting married will end up like she did, with 2 young boys and no father to help take care of them. And she's probably jealous of their new-found happiness and life together.

And all these widows are Catholic -- in fact, TRADITIONAL Catholic. My question -- shouldn't the Catholic Faith mitigate some of that raw grief and other emotions? Meanwhile Novus Ordo Catholics, protestants, pagans, etc. seem to have the strength to move on.

What gives?

I doubt that being a Traditional Catholic is the reason.  Everyone grieves differently.  Some get over loss sooner than others.  Others grieve their entire lives and never get over it.   Some get angry.   I think the best way to deal with it is to merely have patience.  For example - in my own Family - my own Mother has been a widow since 1990 and is now 85. She has anger issues because my father smoked. She feels cheated out of her golden years.   My wifes father passed 5 years ago.  Her mother still cries about twice a month according to my wife.   They each have similar personalities but they each reacted in a different manner to the loss.

I wish someone I was once friends with could read this because they gave me a hard time when I was still mourning the death of my grandmother (even just a month after her death).

Matthew,
Unless you have had other dealings with this woman, it seems to me that you are reading much more into her email than I see.  To me she sounds like she believes that she is just taking care of business and this may also be a way for her to deal with her husband's passing.  Older folks (hmm, wait, that's me) often deal with things differently than you younger folks.  We often still treat emails as we used to treat actual mail.  This woman may believe that she is saving you time or even money by unsubscribing to your list.

Since you haven't lost a spouse, I don't think we can have that discussion but I can tell you that grief ebbs and flows.  A person can have months or years of feeling that the pain has finally subsided, only to have it suddenly become so very painful and seemingly unbearable all over again.  May you be spared that kind of pain, but if you do ever experience such a loss, may Jesus and your Mother Mary hold you up in your grief.

May God reward your efforts at providing for your family with a sufficient income for your needs and may the Holy Family bless your family with peace and a growth in grace.      

Compassion and Christian charity can help you to deal with people who grate on your nerves.

Since you haven't lost a spouse, I don't think we can have that discussion but I can tell you that grief ebbs and flows.  A person can have months or years of feeling that the pain has finally subsided, only to have it suddenly become so very painful and seemingly unbearable all over again.  May you be spared that kind of pain, but if you do ever experience such a loss, may Jesus and your Mother Mary hold you up in your grief.

Yes. Indeed.