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Author Topic: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?  (Read 3678 times)

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Offline Drolo

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Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
« on: July 06, 2023, 03:31:01 PM »
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  • In my Church there are very few single girls.

    Where should I search?

    Tips to succeed with catholic trad girls?

    What is it that attracts them?

    How should do I court a catholic trad girl

    Tips to avoid "problematic" girls? like promiscuous girls or that break the marriage when there are problems instead of solving them. This is very common today in the West, for example Spain has a divorce rate of 86%, when there is a serious problem or just bored people get divorced. I also don't want the marriage to become a continuous combat.

    I'm not good at picking up on people's true intentions.

    I have no flirting experience and I don't know what to talk to a girl about to keep her interested.

    Any help is welcome.

    God Bless.

    Offline Seraphina

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #1 on: July 06, 2023, 05:29:16 PM »
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  • For starters, don’t flirt. Girls who flirt look like airheads.  Boys who flirt look like 🌈.
    Just be yourself.  See a girl who interests you?  (Other than just looks!)  Go introduce yourself and tell her what attracted you, like her interest in books, how she treats others, her friendliness, sense of humor, etc.  Be natural and sincere.
    Maybe sit down and have coffee across from her after mass.  “Do you mind if I sit here?”  How does she reply?   If positively, make a little small talk by asking questions about her.  Where does she live?  How many siblings?  What about her school or job?  Any special goals, hobbies?  Unless she asks back, say very little about yourself.  Keep the introduction short, 10 minutes, tops, in the presence of others.  End by “needing to go now” even if you don’t.  Go talk to your parents, or go to the car.  Don’t just run off, however.  Say, “Nice to meet you.” Shake her hand if it’s customary.  “Hope to see you next Sunday.”  (Or next month, next Mass…)  If she’s just visiting or passing through, and you REALLY like her, it’s probably okay to request her email.  
    Another suggestion is attend one of the young people’s gatherings. There are at least two listed here on CI in the last month.  You might also try online.  Personally, I’d never even consider that, but I’m old.


    Offline Nadir

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #2 on: July 06, 2023, 05:30:51 PM »
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  • Drolo, there have been many threads on CI like the one you have started. Maybe someone here can point you to those.

    But, of course, as you already know the first step is prayer.
    St Joseph is your first port of call.
    Then Raphael the Archangel. If you are not familiar with him, read the Book of Tobit.

    If you are meant to marry, as most of us are, God will send a good woman your way. I will pray for that.
    Help of Christians, guard our land from assault or inward stain,
    Let it be what God has planned, His new Eden where You reign.

    +RIP 2024

    Offline Nadir

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #3 on: July 06, 2023, 05:41:12 PM »
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  • In my Church there are very few single girls.

    Where should I search?

    Then I would start right where you are.
    What communications do you have with these young single woman? Have you made approaches to any of them?

    Help of Christians, guard our land from assault or inward stain,
    Let it be what God has planned, His new Eden where You reign.

    +RIP 2024

    Offline Giovanni Berto

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #4 on: July 06, 2023, 05:50:25 PM »
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  • Forgive me for not offering an actual answer to your question, but have you seriously considered the religious or priestly vocation?


    Offline Soubirous

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #5 on: July 06, 2023, 06:21:13 PM »
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  • The old-fashioned way is to start with the other people (all trad Catholic, if possible) you know well and trust enough to introduce you their cousin, schoolmate's sister, neighbor's niece, and so on. Compared to the freelance strategy, this approach needs to be done with even more sincerity and tact towards the girl and also the one who introduced you to her. 
    Let nothing disturb you, let nothing frighten you, all things pass away: God never changes. Patience obtains all things. He who has God finds he lacks nothing; God alone suffices. - St. Teresa of Jesus

    Offline FarmerWife

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #6 on: July 06, 2023, 07:03:22 PM »
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  • Online (forums, dating sites/apps), join young adult groups, get involved in Church events/gatherings. Generally, be more social and try to get connections. I like how you can filter people out online and see who's more lax on Church teachings. 

    I don't know how old you are but it's a struggle for men to find a nice woman. Don't tolerate feminist, domineering behaviour. Divorce is a huge deal in this day and you need to make sure that the one you marry will not do that despite the temptations in this world. Firstly, someone who's a virgin has a lower chance of divorce for obvious reasons. And find out if they have debt and how they view money. Feminism is so prevalent in our society and the wife being submissive to the husband is so offensive these days even though it can result in a good marriage. Happy wife, happy life is a lie.

    And you can ask about family life, traditional gender roles, what they think about having a big family, etc. I'd make sure to get all the hard and serious topics out of the way before you get too deep with a woman otherwise the breakup can be bad. I think it's up to someone's discretion when to bring those topics up but better sooner than later. 

    I think you can pick up on red flags as you have more experience courting or dating. As for flirting, I don't think you need to worry about it as it'll come naturally with the one you'll marry. And you're not a pick-up artist. :smirk:

    Offline Durango77

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #7 on: July 06, 2023, 08:03:53 PM »
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  • In my Church there are very few single girls.

    Where should I search?

    Tips to succeed with catholic trad girls?

    What is it that attracts them?

    How should do I court a catholic trad girl

    Tips to avoid "problematic" girls? like promiscuous girls or that break the marriage when there are problems instead of solving them. This is very common today in the West, for example Spain has a divorce rate of 86%, when there is a serious problem or just bored people get divorced. I also don't want the marriage to become a continuous combat.

    I'm not good at picking up on people's true intentions.

    I have no flirting experience and I don't know what to talk to a girl about to keep her interested.

    Any help is welcome.

    God Bless.

    Be very careful about getting into a marriage.  The statistics are very bad for marriages lasting very long these days, and divorce especially with kids is something you never want to go through I can assure you that. 

    Though, if I were looking for a Catholic to marry, I wouldn't limit myself to just traditional Catholic circles.  There are many females in the Novus Ordo who are willing to attend TLM, and become traditional Catholic with some prompting and education.  I wouldn't be too pushy about Francis not being pope, I would just make it clear that's what I believe based on objective reality, but I can't force that believe on anyone else.  I would focus on looking for females that have a good upbringing, preferably raised not Europe or the US or at least not exclusively raised in either of those places.  Hispanic women, Philipino women, in alot of cases have these good upbringings/foundation.  Obviously, you want to make sure you have your house in order, good career or at least a good career path so you can support a family.  


    Offline Bataar

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #8 on: July 06, 2023, 11:05:24 PM »
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  • As one who struggled with that for decades,I finally gave up. With that in mind,I wish you luck. 

    Offline AMDGJMJ

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #9 on: July 07, 2023, 06:41:48 AM »
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  • In my Church there are very few single girls.

    Where should I search?

    Tips to succeed with catholic trad girls?

    What is it that attracts them?

    How should do I court a catholic trad girl

    Tips to avoid "problematic" girls? like promiscuous girls or that break the marriage when there are problems instead of solving them. This is very common today in the West, for example Spain has a divorce rate of 86%, when there is a serious problem or just bored people get divorced. I also don't want the marriage to become a continuous combat.

    I'm not good at picking up on people's true intentions.

    I have no flirting experience and I don't know what to talk to a girl about to keep her interested.

    Any help is welcome.

    God Bless.
    Many of the other people have given good tips.  I started to write a post yesterday before anyone else had said anything but duty and babies called me away.

    My husband and I originally met online and then he came to visit me and my family in person and ask my father's permission to court me.  I know others who have had good success the same way.  One friend of mine is married to an Italian man who she originally met online.  He moved to the U.S. for the first few years of their marriage and they moved to Italy when COVID happened.

    Other people I know have had their friends or priests put them in touch with appropriate people for them to marry.  I know a girl in the U.S. who corresponded with a man in Europe (Germany I believe).  One thing to consider is that if you have a long-distance relationship you will need to make an initial trip out to meet the girl.

    As for tips to succeed with Catholic traditional women...  Be simple and honest, not too forward and not too shy.  Women are attracted to real men who speak their mind and are gentle but firm and stand up for what they believe in.

    Most of the problematic girls dress and act as they are inside.  Search for a modest girl who is clothed properly, and who shows respect to her father and the men in her family.  From what I have seen a woman usually ends up treating her husband in a similar way of respect as to her father.

    Pick virtue above beauty.  Many beautiful and worldly women tend to think they deserve better than they get and so cause strife in marriage.  However virtuous women will be more content to tolerate the hardships of the married life for the greater glory and honor of God.

    Make God the center of your relationship and conversation and those who are godless will abandon you but a good woman will be inclined to continue conversation with you.

    Also...  Since you are so far away from most traditional Catholic women...  Perhaps you could go to some sort of traditional Catholic convention or Meet-Up where the travel would give you the chance to meet several if not many young women? 

    I know the CMRI does a yearly Fatima Conference in Spokane, WA every August.  We plan to hold our 2nd annual Saint Raphael Meet-Up in November.  Perhaps there are some similar events in Europe closer to you?  If not maybe you could try and make it to one of these or another event somewhere.

    Wishing you all of the best!

    "Jesus, Meek and Humble of Heart, make my heart like unto Thine!"

    http://whoshallfindavaliantwoman.blogspot.com/

    Offline Pax Vobis

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #10 on: July 07, 2023, 08:34:16 AM »
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  • Quote
    There are many females in the Novus Ordo who are willing to attend TLM, and become traditional Catholic with some prompting and education.
    Bad advice.  Novus Ordo women may attend the TLM but they hardly ever become a true Trad.  A typical novus ordo person (man or woman) doesn't believe in such things as (the true Fatima message, infiltration in the Church, evilness of the new mass, the deliberate protestantization of the Church, etc).  If someone doesn't understand "why" Traditionalism exists, then no matter how much they love the TLM, eventually you will have problems in your marriage because your worldviews are too different.


    Offline Mithrandylan

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #11 on: July 07, 2023, 08:43:54 AM »
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  • Bad advice.  Novus Ordo women may attend the TLM but they hardly ever become a true Trad.  A typical novus ordo person (man or woman) doesn't believe in such things as (the true Fatima message, infiltration in the Church, evilness of the new mass, the deliberate protestantization of the Church, etc).  If someone doesn't understand "why" Traditionalism exists, then no matter how much they love the TLM, eventually you will have problems in your marriage because your worldviews are too different.
    The key phrase being "with some prompting and education." If she shows interest and aptitude, then you might have something. If she doesn't, then you definitely don't. I think the point is just to help OP understand that the pool of eligible women isn't restricted only to women who already have everything figured out.
    .
    When talking about choosing a woman who will make a good wife over the longterm, it's crucial to find a woman who is humble and willing to learn from her husband.  Headstrong women, even when they are traditional in their basic attitudes and beliefs, can make very difficult homes and cause their husbands considerable grief.
    "Be kind; do not seek the malicious satisfaction of having discovered an additional enemy to the Church... And, above all, be scrupulously truthful. To all, friends and foes alike, give that serious attention which does not misrepresent any opinion, does not distort any statement, does not mutilate any quotation. We need not fear to serve the cause of Christ less efficiently by putting on His spirit". (Vermeersch, 1913).

    Offline God and Land

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #12 on: July 07, 2023, 08:53:09 AM »
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  • Be certain that you are actually ready to take on a wife and children.  Women today are less likely to enter into marriage with a man who isn't ready financially, emotionally, or spiritually.  I would say that you should ensure that you are an attractive prospect for a virtuous woman of sound mind.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Are you established in a career or are you still trying to figure that out?

    Do you have the prospect of being able to provide an adequate home for a family that is in a safe area?

    Are you able to manage money wisely (especially important if you are a low-income earner)?

    Do you have a good relationship with your mother or is it problematic?  Is she clingy or likely to cause trouble?

    Do you pray the Rosary daily?  Do you have enough knowledge of the faith to lead a family in prayers and formation?

    Do you support homeschooling or have the ability to provide a Catholic education through a school?

    Are you physically healthy and able to perform the duties necessary for providing for and maintaining the household?

    Are your friends married or do you hang with committed bachelors or those of dubious character?

    When you go to Mass do you dress well, in a suit with clean dress shoes or more causally?  This matters to many women as it projects an image of the man's character.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    These suggestions are of a more material nature but are things that a marriage-minded woman might be looking at as well as the other suggestions.  If you are known to be good "husband material" ladies will naturally be drawn to you making your search easier.




    Offline Simeon

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #13 on: July 07, 2023, 10:06:07 AM »
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  • Be certain that you are actually ready to take on a wife and children.  Women today are less likely to enter into marriage with a man who isn't ready financially, emotionally, or spiritually.  I would say that you should ensure that you are an attractive prospect for a virtuous woman of sound mind.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Are you established in a career or are you still trying to figure that out?

    Do you have the prospect of being able to provide an adequate home for a family that is in a safe area?

    Are you able to manage money wisely (especially important if you are a low-income earner)?

    Do you have a good relationship with your mother or is it problematic?  Is she clingy or likely to cause trouble?

    Do you pray the Rosary daily?  Do you have enough knowledge of the faith to lead a family in prayers and formation?

    Do you support homeschooling or have the ability to provide a Catholic education through a school?

    Are you physically healthy and able to perform the duties necessary for providing for and maintaining the household?

    Are your friends married or do you hang with committed bachelors or those of dubious character?

    When you go to Mass do you dress well, in a suit with clean dress shoes or more causally?  This matters to many women as it projects an image of the man's character.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    These suggestions are of a more material nature but are things that a marriage-minded woman might be looking at as well as the other suggestions.  If you are known to be good "husband material" ladies will naturally be drawn to you making your search easier.

    This seems to me to be very good advice.

    I really know nothing about this subject, but I speculate that you might want to look for a few signs:

    She knows how to and likes to cook. She gets excited about learning skills like making bread or cheese or fermenting foods. This is a very creative and useful thing to put energy into.

    She knows how to and likes to babysit, care for, and be around small children. She's had plenty of child care experience before marriage. 

    She has hobbies or skills that traditional homemakers once had, like sewing, crafting, etc; and/or enjoys taking care of the home in which she presently dwells, including decorating areas that are in her charge.

    She does not regularly engage in useless activities, such as shopping for no good reason, going to movies or any kind of arcade-like venues, or getting together with friends at entertainment establishments like restaurants or clubs on a weekly basis.

    She enjoys being at home and doing homey things, and enjoys solitude and her own company. Being out in the world, rather than pull and attract her, is a bit discomfiting to her. When she's out there for any reason, she's glad to get back home.

    She does not have a "career," and she does not have student loans, or for that matter, other kinds of debt. If she has been employed outside the home, she's been in a more genteel or womanly position, and she has kept her femininity intact. 

    This may get many thumbs downs, but when I am around young trad women, if I see that they have garish and long fingernails from a nail parlor, I lose respect for them. Conversely, I also dislike it when I see young women who do not take care of themselves in the looks department. You want someone who dresses attractively, yet does not signal vanity and self-obsession. Too much make-up, or a very glamorous appearance signals "high maintenance" to me. I remember a young trad couple that were dating. I thought very highly of the young man; and boy was he smitten. The young lady was absolutely gorgeous, like a supermodel. In fact, everything she did communicated that she was high up on a pedestal of her own making. Whereas he was friendly to all and really funny in groups, she was silent and was always trying to catch his eyes and attention. She did not mingle or show any cheerfulness or friendliness with the others. I said to myself, "Poor slob. He's a goner." Needless to say, I was relieved for him when I learned they had parted ways. I think he dodged a bullet.

    Take note of the relationship she has with her cell phone. Is it out in social settings? Does she text when she should be giving her attention to the people she is with? If you have her number, does she text you throughout the day? Is she unable to leave her phone for any length of time? What kind of wife and mother would a cell phone addict make?

    Ultimately you want someone comfortable in their own skin, and happy in their present life. You do not want someone who telegraphs that they think they need a man and marriage to be happy or fulfilled.

    A godly woman, a woman who would make a very good wife, is already happy. When she meets a man she loves, her desire is to share her happiness with him - not use him to make her happy, as if he were an object or an apothecary.



    Offline rosarytrad

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    Re: Tips to meet a trad Catholic girl for marriage?
    « Reply #14 on: July 07, 2023, 10:33:39 AM »
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  • Take note of the relationship she has with her cell phone. Is it out in social settings? Does she text when she should be giving her attention to the people she is with? If you have her number, does she text you throughout the day? Is she unable to leave her phone for any length of time? What kind of wife and mother would a cell phone addict make?
    This is one of the most overlooked aspects regarding women these days. In my opinion and experience, if she uses any form of social media too much and entertains the attention of non-Catholic men for any reason at all, then you should steer clear of her. If she uses social media and you still decide to continue talking to her, you will need to tell her to delete it at some point down the road before you even consider marrying her. If she won't delete it, then you should walk away. Stick to your guns on any boundaries you have with her.
    The mercies of the Lord I will sing for ever. - Ps. 88:2a
    St. Anthony of Padua, pray for us.
    St. John of God, pray for us.
    Our Lady of Guadalupe, mystical rose, make intercession for Holy Church.