[Philothea3]

OK, still, a website is much more practical.

Also a point to consider, I wouldn't want pictures of attractive women readily available on the site.

St. Alphonsus Liguori, Mortification of the Eyes: “But I do not see how looks at young persons of a different sex can be excused from the guilt of a venial fault, or even from mortal sin, when there is proximate danger of criminal consent. "It is not lawful," says [Pope] St. Gregory, "to behold what it is not lawful to covet." The evil thought which proceeds from looks, though it should be rejected, never fails to leave a stain upon the soul.” (The True Spouse of Jesus Christ, p. 221)

Are you sure this paragraph is not written solely for consecrated virgins/religious? I doubt it would be a fault at all to look at a potential future spouse's face, since when it has nothing to do with "not lawful to covet". Reminds me of the premarital look memes.

[DigitalLogos]

Are you sure this paragraph is not written solely for consecrated virgins/religious? I doubt it would be a fault at all to look at a potential future spouse's face, since when it has nothing to do with "not lawful to covet". Reminds me of the premarital look memes.

Not solely, but it's being misused here. It's from the Complete Ascetical Works of St. Alphonsus. From the Notice is the following:

These two volumes of the writings of St. Alphonsus contain, therefore, all that  properly regards the religious.
The saint himself tells us that his book is suitable not only to nuns, but also to all members of the religious state, in that which refers to the observance of the vows, regular discipline, and the perfection of their state. As for the practice of Christian virtues, the work will be found highly useful even for seculars. We add that this volume should with greater reason be serviceable to ecclesiastics, especially to those  that are charged with the difficult task of directing souls in the spiritual life; they may draw therefrom lights that may not perhaps be found as clear and as sure elsewhere.

Yes, you can take what St. Alphonsus says there at face-value, as it is still good moral advice. But, it's directed toward religious, so it would be more appropriate for a confessor to read this and utilize it to direct a penitent rather than laymen reading it to direct themselves, as it could lead to an unnecessary rigorism contrary to their state in life. This is the problem I've been seeing with lay-readings of St. Alphonsus, where people will look at his teachings and draw a conclusion from it beyond the scope of its audience and intention. You'll see some stretch his concept of mental reservation to excuse outright lies; and his ideas on Baptism of Desire to allow for a Pelagian denial of the dogma Outside of the Church there is no Salvation.

Therefore, as for the topic at-hand, I don't think you should have any shame in assessing the looks of another person as material for courtship. Especially given that you're unmarried. God made women and men to be attracted to each other, after all, physical features are a natural part of that attraction.

[DigitalLogos]

Also a point to consider, I wouldn't want pictures of attractive women readily available on the site.

Then you ignore the topic or the sub-forum. Which you have the option to do in your forum settings. You can also work on mortifying yourself and avoiding that which scandalizes you.

I'm not in favor of this, by the way, but let's be reasonable here.

[MaterDominici]

A bit of a story for you... many of you already know that Matthew and I met on CatholicMatch.com. However, my motivation for joining that site was NOT to find a spouse. I was looking for places online to discuss Catholic topics with other Catholics and only paying members had access to the site's FORUM, yes FORUM. I don't recall if I saw Matthew on that forum or was just browsing profiles, but I do know that I didn't reach out to him for a date or anything of that sort, I simply wanted to know what the "SSPX" mentioned in his description stood for. 

Moral of this story? If you want to really meet people online, it doesn't require a dedicated space, just STOP (1) hiding behind a non-descriptive screen name, (2) avoiding all personal info in your posts, and (3) failing to mention at least in passing (intro thread, anyone?) that you're YOUNG and SINGLE. As for long-distance courtship, I'd hold off worrying about it until it actually happens. You might find someone totally worth the effort or perhaps find someone that wasn't terribly fond of where they were living anyway.

Also, if you use a picture of yourself anywhere else online, there's no reason why you shouldn't use it as your picture here too. I get not putting your picture everywhere online as I'm pretty particular in that department, but if you're the sort who's already shared it with Meta and Google a hundred times over, why not put it to somewhat better use here?

As always, spend more time praying about a future spouse than you do worrying about finding one. 

[AMDGJMJ]

Agree. It'll be great if there's a place where a general courtship-oriented self introduction can be posted, then people can privately message them for further questions or photo. It could also be helpful if they can add a feature that only single persons can view that sub-forum?

I think that allowing married couples also to help monitor and give advice might help keep some of the weirdos more at bay...   I know a lot of traditional Catholic married people helped me in that regard back when I was trying to determine how to know what people I could trust online to later talk to privately.  😅

[AMDGJMJ]

It's definitely true that meeting people in person is usually objectively better/much more efficient than virtual. There is a lot that can be learned from one in-person conversation that even multiple emails might not indicate.  Online is often the only viable option immediately available to many due to location and lack of YAGs, and there are good marriages that have resulted from it. However, there definitely is a serious need for more in-person opportunities.

Perhaps a forum/subforum online could also be utilized to help organize appropriate YAG-like events centered around a given chapel? (even if relatively informal, for example a group visit to a shrine/park then dinner etc. after Sunday mass). Therefore, an online subforum could be potentially used as a tool to organize more in-person events.

Great idea!  🥰

The first step is just getting more solid hardline traditional Catholic singles connected and aware of the existence of others in that sphere.

[AMDGJMJ]

Why couldn't hansel or AMDGJMJ create a trad YAG get together once or twice a year ONLY allowing the beliefs you mentioned?

I am open to the idea of hosting a YAG event.  My parents own a recreation building that they rent out and I think I could get them to let me borrow it.

But, with two clingy toddlers and baby #3 on the way, I am not sure I can quite commit to hosting yet.  Especially as the little boys are kind of inspeperable from me right now.  Maybe in a couple of years when they are a little older and I wouldn't have to bring the little ones in tow...  It might destroy the atmosphere of a "young adults group" meet up if my childhood were running around everywhere.  😅

[AMDGJMJ]

I think letting potential couples hash these issues out is better than events being organized around opinions other than the existence of a crisis and the need for Catholic families. Adhering to whatever theological opinions (looking at dogmatic non una-cuм in particular) shouldn't be the issue but rather adhering to existing dogma. I was making a tongue in cheek observation that nearly no one from these forums can attend YAG. I am probably one of the most moderate sedeprivationists on the forum and I would not be able to attend (I am married, for the record).


I fully support AMDGJMJ's idea, for the record. I am merely voicing concern with YAG and why there needs to be alternatives.

Absolutely agreed!  I am also a "sedeprivationist" or "private sede" but in my opinion the only criterias that should be essential for a traditional Catholic YAG are that the young people should all completely avoid the novus ordo sacraments and be hardline traditional Catholics.  Meaning, they should care and make a point to only attend the Latin Mass and receive Sacraments from valid traditionally ordained and consecrated clergy who are not guilty of pernicious heresy.

[AMDGJMJ]

Yes, and very, very tired from packing, cleaning and prepping the house for sale lol.

Praying that your move and settling into your new house goes well!  🙏😇

[ServusInutilisDomini]

Not solely, but it's being misused here. It's from the Complete Ascetical Works of St. Alphonsus. From the Notice is the following:

Yes, you can take what St. Alphonsus says there at face-value, as it is still good moral advice. But, it's directed toward religious, so it would be more appropriate for a confessor to read this and utilize it to direct a penitent rather than laymen reading it to direct themselves, as it could lead to an unnecessary rigorism contrary to their state in life. This is the problem I've been seeing with lay-readings of St. Alphonsus, where people will look at his teachings and draw a conclusion from it beyond the scope of its audience and intention. You'll see some stretch his concept of mental reservation to excuse outright lies; and his ideas on Baptism of Desire to allow for a Pelagian denial of the dogma Outside of the Church there is no Salvation.

Therefore, as for the topic at-hand, I don't think you should have any shame in assessing the looks of another person as material for courtship. Especially given that you're unmarried. God made women and men to be attracted to each other, after all, physical features are a natural part of that attraction.

Thoroughly agreed, it can be inferred from the quote that you are not to look at those who you mustn't covet. That means it is best to avoid looking in general, but obviously if you are in the period of looking for a spouse then it is necessary to look.

[ServusInutilisDomini]

I'm not opposed to a sub-forum but it might be easier to simply have an icon or text next to each member's name that would indicate if they are open to courting. If one member is interested in another then they could PM.

Great idea. After reading a bit more I don't think a courting sub-forum is such a bad idea.

[AMDGJMJ]

A bit of a story for you... many of you already know that Matthew and I met on CatholicMatch.com. However, my motivation for joining that site was NOT to find a spouse. I was looking for places online to discuss Catholic topics with other Catholics and only paying members had access to the site's FORUM, yes FORUM. I don't recall if I saw Matthew on that forum or was just browsing profiles, but I do know that I didn't reach out to him for a date or anything of that sort, I simply wanted to know what the "SSPX" mentioned in his description stood for.

Moral of this story? If you want to really meet people online, it doesn't require a dedicated space, just STOP (1) hiding behind a non-descriptive screen name, (2) avoiding all personal info in your posts, and (3) failing to mention at least in passing (intro thread, anyone?) that you're YOUNG and SINGLE. As for long-distance courtship, I'd hold off worrying about it until it actually happens. You might find someone totally worth the effort or perhaps find someone that wasn't terribly fond of where they were living anyway.

Also, if you use a picture of yourself anywhere else online, there's no reason why you shouldn't use it as your picture here too. I get not putting your picture everywhere online as I'm pretty particular in that department, but if you're the sort who's already shared it with Meta and Google a hundred times over, why not put it to somewhat better use here?

As always, spend more time praying about a future spouse than you do worrying about finding one.

Thank you for sharing your story!!!  🥰

I think you have made a LOT of good points.

SO MANY people already have their profile pictures available online anyhow.  I hadn't thought of that (because I don't use Facebook and such anymore for security reasons).  😅

Many people have introduced themselves here and mentioned their ages in there or in various posts but it is hard to keep it all together.  I think a person could still have security of their personal information but write a short bio saying, "I am such and such an age, I am single and looking for a spouse
".

If the person is a man they could state some facts about their job and and ideas to explain their ability to support a family.

If the person is a woman she could explain her capabilities of running a household and other such learning and experience.

[AMDGJMJ]

Here are a couple examples (all figurative  ):


I am a 28 year old single gentleman.  I have never been married.  I attend a Resistance chapel in Connecticut.  I am private family doctor.  Some of my hobbies are that I like to hunt and fish in my free time.


I am a 23 year old single lady.  I have never been married.  I attend Mass at an SSPX chapel in Louisiana.  I am cautious as to the new priests coming in who are not conditionally ordained.  I would prefer a better Mass option but nothing is available in my area.  I have skill in cooking, mend my own clothes, and have worked with homeschooling and tutoring children.  Some of my hobbies are reading, gardening, and hiking.

[Philothea3]

Thank you for sharing your story!!!  🥰

I think you have made a LOT of good points.

SO MANY people already have their profile pictures available online anyhow.  I hadn't thought of that (because I don't use Facebook and such anymore for security reasons).  😅

Many people have introduced themselves here and mentioned their ages in there or in various posts but it is hard to keep it all together.  I think a person could still have security of their personal information but write a short bio saying, "I am such and such an age, I am single and looking for a spouse
".

If the person is a man they could state some facts about their job and and ideas to explain their ability to support a family.

If the person is a woman she could explain her capabilities of running a household and other such learning and experience.

Yes, the whole point of subforum is to keep information together. Putting things in bio could work only when both parties are super active here and look through all the members of the opposite sex who have such bios 😂

[hansel]

Quote from: epiphany on Yesterday at 03:26:10 PM

Why couldn't hansel or AMDGJMJ create a trad YAG get together once or twice a year ONLY allowing the beliefs you mentioned?

Unfortunately I don't have the resources or venue to create a proper YAG from scratch by myself, BUT I would be more than happy to lend a hand with others to help make an event like this happen.  I am a single (never married) man in early 30's, and am looking to meet like-minded traditional Catholics as well with the ultimate goal of marriage (God willing), so I would definitely want to attend one of these events as well as assisting. :)