Author Topic: Sexless marriages and very small families  (Read 4448 times)

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Offline ggreg

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Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
« Reply #90 on: January 25, 2019, 10:02:55 AM »
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  • I didnt say they were the only ones I spoke to.

    Offline Matto

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #91 on: January 25, 2019, 10:31:46 AM »
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  • Ggreg is speaking for himself...hahaha
    Don't let him scare you away from marriage.
    I am not afraid of the idea of marriage. There is nothing I would like more in this world than to have a decent wife. However I know this is not likely to happen for me. So I am alone. But I thought the 12-36 times a year number was very interesting. I have a skewed perspective about sex because I was never married but had two long-term sexual relationships with women between the ages of 21 and 25 (I converted at the age of 26) and we had more sex than greg's number. A lot more. Perhaps both of my girlfriends were nymphomaniacs or maybe all young people are like that. People often say that in marriages the amount of sex declines drastically with time and often after a while married couples have no sex at all. I heard one man tell an old parable about sex and marriage. Imagine you are married. For the first year of your marriage you put a jelly-bean in a jar after every time you have sex. And after the first year of your marriage you take a jelly bean out of the same jar after every time you have sex. Your jar of jelly beans, no matter how long you are married, will never be emptied
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    Offline Jaynek

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #92 on: January 25, 2019, 11:16:25 AM »
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  • I am not afraid of the idea of marriage. There is nothing I would like more in this world than to have a decent wife. However I know this is not likely to happen for me. So I am alone. But I thought the 12-36 times a year number was very interesting. I have a skewed perspective about sex because I was never married but had two long-term sexual relationships with women between the ages of 21 and 25 (I converted at the age of 26) and we had more sex than greg's number. A lot more. Perhaps both of my girlfriends were nymphomaniacs or maybe all young people are like that. People often say that in marriages the amount of sex declines drastically with time and often after a while married couples have no sex at all. I heard one man tell an old parable about sex and marriage. Imagine you are married. For the first year of your marriage you put a jelly-bean in a jar after every time you have sex. And after the first year of your marriage you take a jelly bean out of the same jar after every time you have sex. Your jar of jelly beans, no matter how long you are married, will never be emptied
    From what I have read, frequency of sex among cohabiting/fornicating couples is typically much higher than that of married couples, even of the same age.  Something about being married makes people have sex less.  Perhaps marriage means that people don't try as hard to please their spouse.  Or maybe it's something in the wedding cake.

    In my experience of 39 years of marriage, I have not seen a drastic decline in frequency with time.  There was a noticeable drop in frequency after the first child, not due to lack of interest but because of lack of time and energy.  This was even more pronounced 18 months later after the birth of the second child.  We summed up the situation with a joke:

    Q.  Why did they put a clock in the leaning Tower of Pisa?
    A.  Because there is no use having the inclination if you don't have the time.

    The pattern that I noticed over the years while having seven children was that frequency would increase again once the youngest child got into a better night-time routine, after a year or so.  Age of children was definitely the factor with the most influence for us.  There would have been times when the frequency was in the 12-36 times a year range.

    I have always found my husband extremely attractive and am normally interested in physical intimacy with him.  I still feel that way at 60 years of age.  We would have run out of jelly beans a long time ago.

    Offline Matthew

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #93 on: January 25, 2019, 11:26:55 AM »
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  • People often say that in marriages the amount of sex declines drastically with time and often after a while married couples have no sex at all. I heard one man tell an old parable about sex and marriage. Imagine you are married. For the first year of your marriage you put a jelly-bean in a jar after every time you have sex. And after the first year of your marriage you take a jelly bean out of the same jar after every time you have sex. Your jar of jelly beans, no matter how long you are married, will never be emptied
    Maybe it's just me, but I'm more of a "slow and steady wins the race" type, rather than a flash-in-the-pan, prone-to-burnout type.
    I guess I'm just very stable in general -- not prone to wild swings in any department.
    In terms of strength, energy, money, piety, fitness, you name it -- in most ways, I'm the same or better than I was at 20. Maybe it's because I started off more or less below average back then, but still. I have no riches-to-rags or rags-to-riches stories to tell. Not much drama there.
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    Offline forlorn

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #94 on: January 25, 2019, 11:30:55 AM »
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  • Maybe it's just me, but I'm more of a "slow and steady wins the race" type, rather than a flash-in-the-pan, prone-to-burnout type.
    I guess I'm just very stable in general -- not prone to wild swings in any department.
    In terms of strength, energy, money, piety, fitness, you name it -- in most ways, I'm the same or better than I was at 20. Maybe it's because I started off more or less below average back then, but still. I have no riches-to-rags or rags-to-riches stories to tell. Not much drama there.
    That's probably a good way to be. Some(not all though) people who peak young try to chase their glory days their whole lives. Nostalgia can be nice and all, but not when you're in a permanent sense of it for almost your entire adult life. 


    Offline ggreg

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #95 on: January 25, 2019, 12:31:03 PM »
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  • I am not afraid of the idea of marriage. There is nothing I would like more in this world than to have a decent wife. However I know this is not likely to happen for me. So I am alone. But I thought the 12-36 times a year number was very interesting. I have a skewed perspective about sex because I was never married but had two long-term sexual relationships with women between the ages of 21 and 25 (I converted at the age of 26) and we had more sex than greg's number. A lot more. Perhaps both of my girlfriends were nymphomaniacs or maybe all young people are like that. People often say that in marriages the amount of sex declines drastically with time and often after a while married couples have no sex at all. I heard one man tell an old parable about sex and marriage. Imagine you are married. For the first year of your marriage you put a jelly-bean in a jar after every time you have sex. And after the first year of your marriage you take a jelly bean out of the same jar after every time you have sex. Your jar of jelly beans, no matter how long you are married, will never be emptied
    At 21 to 26 people have the drive and the time.  It is all novel and exciting.  Most people at that age coukd have sex every other day.
    I very much doubt that many 70 year old married couples are at it 3 times a week.
    The jokes are funny and make people laugh because people can relate to them.  If most of the audience was having sex far more then they wouldnt laugh.
    At 13- 21 I ran 30 to 100 miles per week.  And ran 2.25:17 for the marathon and sub 30min for 10k on track.  Now 30 years later I rarely run at all.  Some people still run after all those years, most don't.
    People are liars too; remember that.  Lots of people lie to themselves.  They think of their best month and multiply it by 12.

    Offline SusanneT

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #96 on: January 30, 2019, 03:08:40 AM »
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  • As a woman I think that your desire for intimacy is naturally and rightly related to your fertility, your menstrual cycle  and where you are in the cycle of trying - pregnancy - nursing and trying.  

    I married at 26 and was very desperate for a baby. But as a nursing mother with young children clearly things are very different.  

    Offline King Wenceslas

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #97 on: January 30, 2019, 01:10:10 PM »
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  • Of course there is the very rare exception of seeking sainthood with companionship.

    Quote
    St. Cunigunde was one of eleven children born to Siegfried I of Luxembourg (922 – 15 August 998) and Hedwig of Nordgau (c. 935 – 992). She was a seventh-generation descendant of Charlemagne. She married St. King Henry in 999.[2] It is said that she had long wanted to be a nun,[3] and that her marriage to St. Henry II was a spiritual one (also called a "white marriage"); that is, they married for companionship alone, and by mutual agreement did not consummate their relationship. It has been claimed that Cunigunde made a vow of virginity with Henry's consent prior to their marriage.


    Offline Disputaciones

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #98 on: February 10, 2019, 02:28:02 AM »
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  • ...large, usually poor, young Trad families around them, who can only manage to donate $20/week to the collection, and little of their free time, because they are busy raising a bunch of little Catholics for the future... young families struggling to raise large Catholic families in 2019, which is almost a heroic feat.
    Shouldn't you make sure you will be financially able to raise a large family before doing so?

    I mean having 1-3 children when you're poor is one thing, but 4, 5, 6 and beyond?

    Online Nadir

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #99 on: February 10, 2019, 03:35:38 AM »
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  • Shouldn't you make sure you will be financially able to raise a large family before doing so?

    I mean having 1-3 children when you're poor is one thing, but 4, 5, 6 and beyond?
    One who is not financially able or willing to raise the children God gives him, should not consider marriage. Do you not consider that God knows your abilities and your limits better than you do? It is through the Sacrament of Marriage that the graces comes to bear and raise children.

    Let no temptation take hold on you, but such as is human. And God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you are able: but will make also with temptation issue, that you may be able to bear it. [1 Corinthians 10:13]

    Offline forlorn

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #100 on: February 10, 2019, 05:39:39 AM »
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  • Shouldn't you make sure you will be financially able to raise a large family before doing so?

    I mean having 1-3 children when you're poor is one thing, but 4, 5, 6 and beyond?
    It's not like his kids are going hungry. Not being able to donate large sums of money to the chapel is not the same as being financially unable to raise kids. 


    Offline Matthew

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #101 on: February 10, 2019, 09:36:17 AM »
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  • It's not like his kids are going hungry. Not being able to donate large sums of money to the chapel is not the same as being financially unable to raise kids.
    This.
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    Offline Matthew

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #102 on: February 10, 2019, 09:39:20 AM »
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  • Shouldn't you make sure you will be financially able to raise a large family before doing so?

    I mean having 1-3 children when you're poor is one thing, but 4, 5, 6 and beyond?
    Seriously, if struggling and lots of effort meant "you are too poor to have a family" and everyone followed that advice, it would literally be THE END at least in America and Europe.
    Open your eyes and do some research about the value of the dollar (and other fiat currencies) over the past 100 years, home prices, the price of college, wages, etc. It will horrify you.
    I'll give you a hint: those poor and unemployed people aren't all to be blamed. They aren't all a bunch of lazy bums.
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    Offline St Paul

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #103 on: February 10, 2019, 10:03:20 AM »
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  • 12 Luke:

     [22] And he said to his disciples: Therefore I say to you, be not solicitous for your life, what you shall eat; nor for your body, what you shall put on. [23] The life is more than the meat, and the body is more than the raiment. [24] Consider the ravens, for they sow not, neither do they reap, neither have they storehouse nor barn, and God feedeth them. How much are you more valuable than they? [25] And which of you, by taking thought, can add to his stature one cubit?
    [26] If then ye be not able to do so much as the least thing, why are you solicitous for the rest?[27] Consider the lilies, how they grow: they labour not, neither do they spin. But I say to you, not even Solomon in all his glory was clothed like one of these. [28] Now if God clothe in this manner the grass that is today in the field, and tomorrow is cast into the oven; how much more you, O ye of little faith? [29]And seek not you what you shall eat, or what you shall drink: and be not lifted up on high.[30] For all these things do the nations of the world seek. But your Father knoweth that you have need of these things.
    [31] But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his justice, and all these things shall be added unto you.

    Offline Disputaciones

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    Re: Sexless marriages and very small families
    « Reply #104 on: February 10, 2019, 10:57:53 AM »
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  • Seriously, if struggling and lots of effort meant "you are too poor to have a family" and everyone followed that advice, it would literally be THE END at least in America and Europe.
    Open your eyes and do some research about the value of the dollar (and other fiat currencies) over the past 100 years, home prices, the price of college, wages, etc. It will horrify you.
    I'll give you a hint: those poor and unemployed people aren't all to be blamed. They aren't all a bunch of lazy bums.
    I am fully aware of all the problems that you mentioned, having gone to college “because it was the logical next step” and acquiring debt.
    Struggling and effort are not the same thing as being poor.

     

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