Have any of you ever had momentary clarity on the reality of death? What it would mean for YOU to die?
I understand death in the abstract, and I actually think about it quite regularly. And I try to live my life in a Catholic manner. To paraphrase St. Paul, "I'm not aware of anything" in particular that would disqualify me, but also like St. Paul, "I am not thereby justified -- God is the sole Judge".
But it's more than that. It's like a momentary intense light shining on the reality of death, which makes you see all the aspects of it at once, almost like at the moment of death itself. And another critical aspect of what I'm trying to describe: I can't duplicate it, no matter what thoughts I think about or meditate about on purpose. I can't "scare" myself with thoughts of death on command, but when this happens, this clear reality of me dying is a bit scary.
It's like I have this cardboard box around "death" most of the time, and it's something I can't remove even if I want to. But once in a while, the box is lifted so I can see the reality of death -- then several seconds later, the box is placed back down and my apprehension of death returns to "normal".
Just the fact that I don't know what death will be like, what the outcome will be, and especially the thought that everything I've done up till now is just a game -- it's a whole different world, and you can't go back-and-forth. Everything I've experienced in life is on the same plane -- I travel here, then go back home. But death is totally different. It's on a different level.
I consider it a grace, and I've had this happen several times.